57 of 69 people found the following review helpful
Great insights from both sides of conflict, w/o recommending drugs!,
This review is from: Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic (Hardcover)
I've skimmed a number of popular books published in the last few years on the problem of sexless marriage, and this is by far most interesting contribution to date. First, there is no recommendations for drug therapy anywhere in the book. Second, the author frequently brings into the discussion a European-influenced view of some particularly American style predilictions and assumptions reguarding sex, parenthood, gender politics, and relationship expectations.
Her fundamental premise is that eroticisim requires seprateness, and in the course of building and sustaining security, we can frequently lose the "me" and "you" in us. But even more important, she sees the very contemporary marital impulse toward an egalitarian union -- while great for chores and child care -- can be a neutralizer in the bedroom.
You may or may not find strands of your own dilemma in her case histories, but you will not walk away from them empty handed, either.
There are many aspects of the book which are highly nuanced, and won't survive well in the O'Reilly world of broadcast media interviews. I can just hear some producer-fed talking head asking something like, "You advocate couples go to Vegas for swinging? Why?" (She doesn't). So don't pay attention to that noise. This is an intellegent, respectful, contemplative work of original thinking that confronts a subject too often approached with superlatives and pabulum.
Buy one for yourself and one for your best friend -- more than likely, they're suffering, too.