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Customer Review

167 of 224 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All women should read this book! (and keep an open mind), April 13, 2011
This review is from: The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know -- and Men Can't Say (Hardcover)
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. As a woman in her late 20's who recently made the transition from career world to domestic life, raising my son, this book is exactly what I needed. People talk about the working mother's guilt, but there is a lot of guilt for those of us with feminism ideology ingrained in our brain who decide their current calling to be their children. When making the decision to quit my job (which I loved and I was good at) I knew, deep down,that I wanted to be a full time mother. I knew from the beginning (in college) that I eventually wanted to be the one raising my children, shaping them into little, respectable members of society. But, when the time came to quit, I felt an incredible amount of pressure to remain at work. Not from my husband, but from society. There is a certain response you get from people when you tell them you are a stay at home mom. It is like, "Oh, good for you." or "Isn't he a lucky boy", which on the surface seem like decent enough responses, but the condescending facial expressions and tone of voice that go along with them are uncomfortable to endure.

This book is written for women, like me, who know it is their duty to take responsibility for the people they bring into this world, but feel they owe it to the world to remain in the workforce because of societal guilt. "We've come so far and made so many advancements. We owe it to ourselves and to the women who came before us to stay at work and continue to build a career." (That was the guilt I had at least). But, what is important that this book points out is no matter how much you think you "owe it to" whomever.... you owe it to your children to give them the best upbringing you can.

So many women say "I wish I could stay home, but I need to work". This is the authors point, if we would follow nature and stick to gender roles, you wouldn't need that. Of course there are always uncontrollable circumstances (the loss of a spouse, temporary unemployent, etc.) that you would need to do what you need to do, but that isn't the majority. Do you need to work to support your family, or your lifestyle? Sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

You will hear people bash these authors because they want to "send people back to the 50s". That isn't true. They want strong family values back. They do not argue women do not belong in the work place. On the contrary, they simply say there is a time and place for it all. Just not all at once.

Raise your children. Love them. Hug them. Teach them to be decent human beings. You'll have the rest of your life to build a career.

What's the old saying? No one says on their death bed, "I wish I would have spent more time at the office."
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Comments

Tracked by 6 customers

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Showing 1-10 of 27 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Apr 17, 2011 4:36:46 PM PDT
Exactly! I felt very insecure in my "liberal progressive" neighborhood when I decided to stay home with my daughter. I felt like I'd lost my sense of identity without having a career anymore. That is not supportive of women nor is it empowering of women to shame them for good choices like staying home with their children. Now that my daughter is at school I can work in the mornings to afford special things like classes and nice vacations and I have the best of both worlds. And I *still* get raised eyebrows when I say I will not work full-time because I need to be there when my daughter comes home from school. Thank goodness my husband is supportive and prefers that because some of my friend's husbands demand that they work full-time and "pull their own weight" while their kids are in daycare for 12 hours a day!

Posted on Jul 23, 2011 9:17:35 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 23, 2011 9:20:21 PM PDT
Tojagi says:
Maresca and Montagnet,

This book isn't strictly about the 'mommy wars' as I've heard them called. But i think every child between the ages of 0 and 5 deserves two parents and a stay-at-home mom. The development during this period is greater than human development from 5 on. And it isn't as if we can't afford it. We just have these other priorities. My sister, who works at a pre-school, told me she can tell straight away which of her children has a stay-at-home mom.

F. Carolyn Graglia tells the unpopular truth about second wave feminism in her 1998 book. She writes:

"Whatever subsequent apologists might argue to mitigate feminism's excesses, status degradation of the housewife has been the purpose of its attack. Far from being the enemy, it was men that feminists admired - at least in the public sphere. The enemy is the housewife who contentedly lives a different life from the male role models feminists seek to emulate. Tracking Friedan's path, the women's movement set out to undermine the self-esteem and contentment of a woman at home and to diminish her worth in men's eyes." (p121)

- Domestic Tranquility: A brief Against Feminism, F. Carolyn Graglia, 1998

Posted on Oct 5, 2011 11:10:23 PM PDT
"... if we would just follow nature and stick to gender roles..." FACE PALM! Gender and gender roles are social constructs. Sex is biological and "nature".

Posted on Oct 10, 2011 4:36:13 PM PDT
J. Carroll says:
Many of my friends never married or had children, even though they wanted to. They focused only on their careers, then turned 40 and realized it was too late to have a family. Some are even losing their jobs now, watching their formerly wonderful careers go down the toilet. They are left with nothing, except the feminist ideologies that they still cling tenaciously to.

Posted on Nov 26, 2011 4:42:27 PM PST
Kewl Mo Dee says:
What's the old saying? No one says on their death bed, "I wish I would have spent more time at the office."

You may if you find yourself in that horrible situation where your husband comes home from the office and tells you he met somebody else. You'd be surprised
how a job, career and access to a good attorney come in handy at that point.

Sorry, but I'll stick to making sure I'm financially viable in the event my husband has a mid-life crisis and torpedoes the entire family financially and socially.

Posted on Dec 23, 2011 8:48:12 PM PST
Anita says:
While I'm a working woman and happy to remain that way, I also accept that staying home to care for children is a completely valid choice.

I'm a serious feminist, but one of the only issues I've seen with the movement is this: we've gone too far in the other direction. We've been so busy convincing the world that we can do anything men can do (which we can, obviously) that a lot of women now feel ashamed of being stay-at-home mothers.

You shouldn't be told that you HAVE to stay at home with the kids. You also shouldn't be told that you HAVE to go out and work while leaving the kids at home. The point of feminism is that women can be who they are and do what they want regardless of their sex.

Plenty of women, like myself, prefer to go out and work for a living. Plenty of women, like you, prefer to stay home and raise children. These are both completely valid choices, and no one has the right to tell you or me otherwise.

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 30, 2011 3:12:06 PM PST
Rixatrix says:
Anita, you brilliantly said everything I wanted to say, but better. Very well said.

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 30, 2011 3:31:04 PM PST
E. Maresca says:
You are correct Anita. Everyone should do what is best for their family. My mom always says that if she would have been a stay at home mom, she would have ended up killing us. By all means then, Mom, please go to work. haha

The women in my family have worked while raising children for generations. Both of my grandmothers, who raised their kids in the 40s and 50s, maintained high attention careers (one owned and operated a restaurant in Ohio and the other owned and ran an accounting firm in Houston). I don't doubt woman can do it all. I've seen it.

My decision to stay home has been like I am announcing I have decided to turn into a Stepford Wife, like I am no longer going to be myself if I don't go to "work" every day. I actually ended up writing a blog post about it, here http://bonafidebites.wordpress.com/2011/07/13/the-term-housewife/.

Posted on Mar 22, 2012 2:18:00 PM PDT
After reading the reviews and comments for this book, I'm curious to know if the authors give any support to the stay-at-home dad in the manner they seem to for the stay-at-home mom. I'm not ready to wade through 226 pages of text to find out, so was hoping someone could ease my curiosity. My husband was -in a previous relationship- a man with a more flexible work schedule than the mother of his child, so he was in a position to take time from work and stay home to take care of their new daughter. The scorn and bias he recalls running into is disturbing, encountered even in the simplest of acts such as taking a bus where repeatedly a woman with groceries and a child would be offered a seat by a kind stranger but a man with groceries and a child was left juggling them as best he could on a moving vehicle. Just curious.

Posted on Mar 24, 2012 1:29:07 PM PDT
S. Younger says:
Thank you for your thoughtful commentary...I now know that that this book would be a waste of money (this coming from a stay at home parent.)
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