168 of 190 people found the following review helpful
Dennis Gets a Doll,
This review is from: Life/form Replacement Glans Foreskins White (Toy)
Thank you, Jeanette! What a lovely sweater. I haven't worn one like this since George and I were in Ireland, right before Dennis was born. That was our last trip abroad, wasn't it George? Well, thank you. What a treasure.
Okay, let's see who's next? Oh, here's one for Dennis. A nice big box for Dennis. There are you, Dennis. What do you think's in it? My goodness, you ARE giving that a good shake, aren't you? Why don't you open it? Just open it, Dennis. All right, don't throw the paper, Dennis. Watch the elbows--Aunt Jeanette is sitting right next to you. That's better, okay. What did Santa bring you? That's right, it's a Peepee Doll! Just like the one from the birdyplane.
....Because it's what he wanted, George....Well, you're not the one who has to spend 16 hours a day listening to him scream "Peepee Doll", are you?....Well, I don't think any of us knows "how this is going to end", and you're being needlessly negative.
Jeannette, Dennis saw it in SkyMall and became a little obsessed. And now you have it, don't you, Dennis? Your very own Peepee Doll.
Now let's see what old Kris Kringle brought for Aunt Jeannette... Dennis, what are you doing? Dennis don't do that. Not in front of guests, Dennis. Not ever, and especially not in front of guests. Yes, you have one too. Now put it away. Of course yours is bigger-- because that's a doll baby and you're 42. Put it away, Dennis. All the way. Jeannette does not want to see it, Dennis. Look at her face, look at the cues. Does she look happy? I think she looks frightened. Put it away. There we go. Good choice.
Okay. Now let's see what old Kris--Dennis, don't do that. Don't put those in your mouth. Those are not for putting in your mouth. Dennis? No one cares how many you can put in your mouth, Dennis. It's not funny. If you're the only one laughing, it's not funny. Put them back in the box. Don't throw those at Aunt Jeanette. I don't think she's enjoying it. Dennis, if you can't play nice with the Peepee Doll, Daddy will have to take it away...George, you most certainly WILL get in the middle of this...because you are his father...Dennis, put the penises back in the box. Dennis! Do not throw the penises into the fire. Dennis? Dennis! That's it. That's enough. George, take the Peepee Doll from Dennis. Right now. You just lost the Peepee Doll, Dennis. No more Peepee Doll for Dennis. Grab it, George! Both arms, dear, hold on with both arms. Let go of it, Dennis. Let go. Let go. Let your father have the Peepee Doll. Good...okay. Are we all calm now? Dennis? All right, that's good.
Now, let's see, what did old--Dennis! Put down the tree! Dennis, you put down that Christmas tree this instant! Put it down! Don't you even think about putting that in the fire, Dennis. George! George, give Dennis back the Peepee Doll! Put down the tree, Dennis, and Daddy will give you the Peepee Doll. There we go. Okay. Let's all take a deep breath. Everyone just, just take a deep breath and calm down.
Well, my goodness. We've certainly had some excitement, haven't we? Now, let's see what Kris Kringle--Dennis, don't look at your Aunt Jeanette like that. Staring is very rude, Dennis. Dennis, sit down! No licking, Dennis! We don't lick our guests! Don't--Put Jeanette down, Dennis! Put Aunt Jeanette down this instant! George, get the shot! Dennis, no licking! Get the shot, George! Go limp, Jeanette! Go limp! We don't lick guests, Dennis! George, the neck! It has to be in the neck!
There...there...there he goes. There goes Dennis. Okay. Bedtime for Dennis. Good night, Dennis. Okay. Leave him there, George. He's perfectly all right. It's just a mild horse sedative. He'll be fine a few hours.
Well, my goodness. Is everyone all right? Jeanette? Everyone's all right, okay. Let's just... let's all have a seat. Scone, Jeanette? No? Okay. Let's all just...stop crying. George, please stop crying. There. There, that's better.
Okay. Now, where were we? Ah, yes. Let's see what old Kris Kringle has brought Aunt Jeanette...
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Showing 1-10 of 17 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 13, 2013 1:51:02 PM PST
Vanessa Sellers says:
Just so you know i am stalking your reviews. This is better than anything on TV. Thanks for the laughs
Posted on Dec 13, 2013 6:07:58 PM PST
Book Junkie says:
That's the first Amazon review that almost made me wet my pants...
Posted on Dec 17, 2013 1:31:40 PM PST
Felipe Medina says:
Oh man, this is too god. WAY too good. Thank you for posting, much fun. :)
Posted on Dec 19, 2013 10:24:41 AM PST
Victor Lupian says:
Sir, ffs please write a book
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 20, 2013 8:49:29 AM PST
Missy Hoppe says:
I'd love to stalk these reviews too, but am not sure how. I've never read anything so funny on amazon before. Brilliant, brialliant stuff! I absolutely love it.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 20, 2013 11:22:36 AM PST
Amazon Customer says:
This is the RSS feed for his reviews: http://www.amazon.com/rss/people/A2Q14JXZX4R807/reviews/ref=cm_rss_member_rev_manlink
Posted on Dec 20, 2013 1:49:49 PM PST
Amazon Customer says:
This was definitely a lol review, I especially liked the 'because you're 42' line.
Posted on Dec 21, 2013 8:53:13 AM PST
Am I alone in discerning a rather simplistic approach to rating this product - one star for each of the five... accessories? My ex-wife had a set of these; said they were for icing cakes. Now, I have my doubts.
Posted on Dec 21, 2013 11:05:16 AM PST
[Deleted by the author on Dec 21, 2013 11:05:43 AM PST]
Posted on Dec 21, 2013 11:06:52 AM PST
I find this ABSOLUTELY and UTTERLY HILARIOUS!!! When I was reading it, I could hear Robin Williams' "Mrs. Doubtfire" voice, clear as day! I will be on the lookout for more of your reviews! Thanks for the laughter!