63 of 73 people found the following review helpful
great ideas, not-so-great message to women,
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Creative Screwing: A Woman's Guide To Becoming An Erotic Enchantress Of Superlustful Sex (Paperback)
I picked up this book because I was looking for some new ways to spice things up in the bedroom. There are many good and bad things about this book. I'll start with the good:
1. Tons and tons of ideas and descriptions of how to perform various acts in the bedroom (some of these are straight out of a bad porn movie, like dipping the crotch of your panties into your man's beer and then wringing them out in his mouth, but hey, to each his/her own)
2. Tips on how to venture into the more taboo areas of sex comfortably and safely
3. Each section includes lots of references to other websites and books if you're looking for more information about a certain topic or places to purchase toys or lingerie
4. Encourages women to avoid withholding sex as a form of punishment and to try to keep their emotional "poison" out of the bedroom
5. Really emphasizes that women should derive pleasure and satisfaction in pleasing their men, but this is where things start to trickle over into the not-so-great parts of this book....
Here's what I didn't like:
1. Ms. Hernandez writes that men are primal creatures who would spending their lives running amok, eating, sleeping, and screwing to their heart's content (okay, I agree with this) and as women we must love, nay, WORSHIP their "ego". Essentially, 9/10 of this book is how we as women must worship and adore our man's ego to the utmost extent of our capabilities, and this is the only way to keep a man in a monogamous relationship. This is disturbing to me because it sends the message to women that if we a) are not essentially a sex slave to our men and/or b) don't give them the best sex they've ever had, then they will cheat or leave. What a horrible message to send to women!
2. There are endless chapters on how to please your man, but only a few dedicated to masturbating, and absolutely NONE on how to communicate with your man if HE is not pleasing YOU. I'm a firm believer that you must know how to bring yourself to orgasm and be comfortable showing this to your lover, but I was extraordinarily disappointed that there was absolutely no instruction at all on how to talk to your man if he is not satisfying you in bed. In my opinion, this book really misses the mark here because if the woman is doing EVERYTHING she can to be a fantastic lover but is getting nothing in return, then she will undoubtedly build up resentment and frustration.
So in general, if you're looking for ways to improve your love life and need a few ideas, you will be able to find them in this book! As women, I do believe we should acknowledge the primal side of men but that does not mean that we should cater to it entirely. And for those of us in long term monogamous relationships, it IS really important to become REALLY GOOD at pleasing our men in bed, BUT he should also be willing to do the same. I hope readers keep in mind that while great sex IS a component of a great relationship, but not the ONLY component. If you are not compatible with a man on other levels (e.g., common interests, common goals in life, common morals) then the relationship won't work out no matter how good you are in bed. In fact, you could be the woman that the man goes to for an affair, but doesn't have a secure, long-term relationship with....
Tracked by 3 customers
Sort: Oldest first | Newest first
Showing 1-10 of 26 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 9, 2013 7:20:54 AM PST
Shea Thomas says:
I believe that this review is a detailed, fair, and honest review of the book. I would like to provide my thoughts on what the reviewer did not like about the book. We as women sometimes get so caught up in trying to be superwomen to our jobs, kids, outside interests that we sexually neglect the man in our life. I believe sex to be a biological drive in certain ways like eating. Who is more tempted to eat someone who is starved or someone who just finished Thanksgiving dinner? I think the author's message was one of warning to those who neglect and still expect faithfulness. Very very few women or men given the right set of circumstances and personal conditions cannot be tempted. And regarding the verbal communication aspect of the book... My guess would be if the woman were confident enough to try all the previously mentioned activities, this would take care of itself. Also, if he is ecstatic about what she's doing for him he'll probably make additional efforts to ensure that what is being provided continues. Strangest thing is when we stop worrying about if we are pleased and focus on him...its works out really really well. Just my thoughts.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 8:10:15 AM PST
Thank you for your nice comment on my review :)
I couldn't agree more with your statement that the need to have sex is as biological as the need to eat. I also wholeheartedly agree with your statement that women are more likely to prioritize their children and jobs over their intimate relationships and that it's especially important to focus on the quality of our intimate relationships. That being said, my problem with this book is that it places the "burden" of having the greatest sexual relationship ever on the shoulders of the woman. That, to me, is unfair. If I am taking the time to take care of my body, to tantalize my partner with promises of sexual encounters, to dress nicely so I present myself as attractive and desirable, and doing everything possible to be his sexual goddess and to satisfy his sexual needs IN ADDITION to holding down a career, raising children, and most likely taking care of most of the household duties, then DAM#*T, he had better be doing the same for me. Great sex is not a one-way street that relies on the prowess and sexual skill of the woman...the man also plays an active role. He's not the only one who can feel sexually deprived. If my needs aren't being met (sexually or emotionally), then you can be sure I'll be just as tempted to feast at some other Thanksgiving feast :)
My primary issue with this book is that the author fails to acknowledge other crucial components that create a successful long term relationship. Had the author included even one or two chapters on building emotionally intimacy with a man (which is very important to most women) and how to instruct your partner on how to satisfy you sexually, I would have given the book 5 stars. For example, a lot of men don't seem to understand that they can ramp up the sexual desire in their women simply by helping out around the house more (and thus helping her have more time/energy for other things that could improve their sex life), but women don't necessarily know how to communicate that without coming across as a nag.
Additionally, the author seems to ignore the simple fact that great sex DOES NOT equal a great relationship. For example, at one point in the book, the author refers to a woman whose boyfriend left her for another woman, only to return to her several months later because the sex with the other woman was boring. I tell you what, if that man had returned to me with his tail tucked between his legs with THAT as his excuse, I would have told him to keep the memories of our times in bed together fresh in his mind because he'd never get another chance to have one in real life. Personally, I do not want a man to want to be with me JUST because of the sex. There has to be more of a partnership, more common interests and common goals, and frankly, more mutual respect (in ADDITION to great sex) for a relationship to last.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 11:39:16 AM PST
Shea Thomas says:
Great points. Nice to have a good conversation with an intellectual person with an open mind. Have a wonderful Holiday Season. :)
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 19, 2013 7:36:36 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 19, 2013 7:41:44 AM PST
1) GREAT SEX EQUALS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP: FOR A MAN.
2) EMOTIONAL INTIMACY FOR A MAN: IS GREAT SEX.
3) THE CRUCIAL COMPONENTS OF A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP FOR A MAN: IS GREAT SEX.
To the woman who gets that this book is about HOW MEN SEE SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS, this book is paramount. To the woman who can still only see a relationship from how she wants it, this book doesn't deserve 5 Stars.
A man is with you ONLY BECAUSE OF SEX. He puts up with your nagging, whining, weight gain, PMS and BS BECAUSE of sex. To you, romance is roses, to HIM, romance is oral sex.
This book is blueprint on how men see sex and relationships. you attempt to change that blueprint and all you will get is a messy dramatic relationship. It's just that simple.
TO A MAN, it is ALL about THE SEX. History proves that. And that is what some reviewers refuse to mentally accept or process: ADAM GAVE UP EARTH FOR EVE. It was ALL about THE SEX. A trip through a History of The World show kingdoms lost and gained, all for one thing: a woman. Now, I am a woman and you are a woman and there is no way I'd even give-up chocolate for a man, but that is the point of my book: it's NOT about what you or I feel or want or would do as women from our point in a relationship, THIS BOOK IS ABOUT HIM.
So, you won't give me 5 Stars because I told it LIKE IT IS? LOL. I HAVE 5 STAR RELATIONSHIPS. All I wanted when I wrote this book, was for woman like you, to know what it felt like to have a 5 Star relationship. So, you can process what I wrote and have better relationships with men, or you can close your mind. That choice, like everything else, is up to you.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 19, 2013 7:38:13 AM PST
[Deleted by the author on Dec 19, 2013 7:38:48 AM PST]
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 19, 2013 7:53:00 AM PST
You totally missed the premise of this book. It isn't about YOU or how YOU SEE sex or what is FAIR. It is about MALE BIOLOGY. Some of your statements are as silly as expecting a shark to have compassion when it sees a seal---THAT is IMPOSSIBLE. In effect, your review of my book proves that although I laid-it-out-there in black-and-white for you to see the blunt truth, you still want grey areas where there are none and will never be one.
Men are not built the way women are. It's as opposite as night and day , cats and dogs, hot from cold, winter from summer. And you, as a woman , simply don't get that. Until you do, until you finally accept that that man you're with is ALL ABOUT THE SEX, you will never have a good relationship. Like Dr. Phil says: "You can't change what you won't acknowledge." Until you acknowledge that promising him oral sex is the only motivation you can give him to clean the house, well then, I suggest you burn my book because that is all the good it will ever do you.
In reply to an earlier post on Jan 4, 2014 10:33:51 PM PST
Wow. Your counter-replies speak volumes of immaturity, Ms. Hernandez.
I present to you an alternative view: The sex-hungry "I'll cheat on you if I don't get what I want" attitude that some men have is not biological so much as societal. Society has taught men that they are superior. It's taught them to sexualize & dehumanize women. It's taught them to value sex above all else: They're praised for "getting some" and laughed at when they don't. It's taught women that we must cater to their needs and tread lightly around their fragile egos. It's taught us that our virginity is something to covet and give away to a man; That sex in general is something for the man and not ourselves.
Men and women are not so very different at all from a biological standpoint, and it's views like yours that teach men that it's okay to stray when their women won't "put out." It's views like yours that make women feel guilty or broken for not giving in to a man's sexual frustrations. I'd go so far as to say that its views like yours that lead men to feel *entitled* to women and sex. Any man who cannot control his sexual urges is no man at all -- My /dog/ has better self control.
Healthy "5-star" relationships are about communication and finding things both people enjoy, not sacrificing your own enjoyment out of fear of losing someone. Suggesting sexual activities to spice up bedroom routines is one thing; Teaching women that they must be subservient in the bedroom is another.
Posted on Jan 12, 2014 7:38:14 AM PST
it is so good and refreshing to see this conversation and book review. I may agree with some aspects of what this book provides (I have not purchased and may not after reading here).
I would love to see a book that has more balance - truly good sex is a 2 way street and many men get extreme pleasure out of a shared experience where you are both on your "best game" together.
BTW - I am a 64 yr. old widow - married 39 yrs and feel I am still at that "sexual peak".
I think it's a myth that men cheat because of sex, I think it is much more complicated than just sex. Marriage and raising children is stressful. To most men, an orgasm is like a xanax and relieves stress (they ARE primal in many ways). If you love him and share a bed and a life then you both deserve and should give the best sex (not just an orgasm, but an ORGASM).
In reply to an earlier post on Jan 13, 2014 10:35:23 AM PST
I wrote this book from the Mind of Men. It is the only book ever penned JUST ABOUT MEN, FROM A MAN'S SEXUAL PERSPECTIVE. Most books about sex are either written for women, about women or sex with men from a female perspective. This book is a One Way Street about men. I wrote it this way on purpose. Most women get it, some women never will. :)
In reply to an earlier post on Jan 13, 2014 10:50:13 AM PST
No, my reply was dead-on accurate "S", and full of Accuracy, and your posting shows your immature and underdeveloped EQ and that you simply do not get it: MEN AND WOMEN ARE AS DIFFERENT AS CATS AND DOGS, and until you accept this as a Biological Fact, you remain where you are in relating to, and understanding men. Men are TOTALLY different from women in every way, we process everything differently, especially relationships. In the words of those who have come before me: "Don't shoot the messenger." My views are based on one thing: Male DNA. I choose to understand men, how they think, what they need and what they want, and because of this, I have never been cheated on, dumped, hit, verbally abused or used. Obviously my "VIEWS" have give me a lifetime of FIVE STAR RELATIONSHIPS.