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Customer Review

13 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All you need to know about dating and marrying a non-black man., May 20, 2012
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This review is from: Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed (Paperback)
Swirling Review

What is it like? That is a question that couples who have crossed the race line have been asked for decades. What is it like? For every person brave enough to ask there are maybe dozens who wonder in silence from the sidelines, standing and some times staring. Questioning. What is it like? How did those two get together? What makes that relationship work? How can it? How do they deal with.... the differences, the what ifs, the folks? What does he see in her? Why does she want a guy like that? What happens when.....the kids come....... the job finds out.....socially. What is it like?

Swirling is more of a hand book for the IRR ( Inter-racial relationship) curious as well as those currently
involved in an IRR. Broken into three parts its sixteen chapters with each able to stand alone Swirling is more reference tool than casual self help book and can be consumed in any order that suites the reader. This is helpful for those wanting fast answers to situations that they are concerned about now.

Part One deals with the current dating and marriage situation for American black women and once again goes over the fact and figures that have been in the press and written about in books. One thing the reader can take away from all this is that the dating and marriage situation for American black woman is not advantageous for her to find a suitable husband among the limited numbers of marriageable black men currently in the population. The numbers are what they are. They cannot be wished, prayed or rationalized away. For black women looking for a happy marriage and home life the interventions that they have employed to deal with this situation have achieved less that satisfactory outcomes. We all know of black women who desire marriage but are growing old alone. Who want a husband but settle for raising kids alone. In a world designed for couples black women miss out on much that life has to offer and make due. It does not have to be that way.

If your goal is marriage to a good man, a quality man, a man who shares your values and life goals then you need to change strategies from those proven to fail. You need to move past what you are doing currently, open yourself to other possibilities and try something that will improve your odds of being partnered with a man who will indeed make the commitment to love and cherish you. You need a road map. This book Swirling is that road map.

Quality men come in all shapes and shades, races and creeds. What Swirling does not do is attempt to try to convince the black woman to do something that she does not want to. If you are not attracted to non-black men, then you are not and this book will do nothing to attempt to change that. That is only fair. Each of us has the right to want what we want and that is to be respected. What Swirling will do is break through all of the false information, wives tales, stereotypes and frankly bigotry surrounding the idea of black woman's desire to date and marry a non-black man should that be her choice. For too long black women have been told lies surrounding this issue and it is long past time that these lies are exposed for what they are. Attempts to control and limit the relationship options of black women. Options that are out there in abundance, right under her nose should black women seek them out.

Swirling is the reference tool that will break through the smokescreen of misinformation that is raised when ever black women attempt to even discuss much less attempt to exercise the same options that every other women on earth has.

Part Two of the book will give those women interested in meeting non-black men the tools needed to make that happen. You will get tips and advice from women who have been there and got the tee shirt as well as from relationship experts to guide you on you journey to make your foray into the the world of Swirl successful. Want to know if the guy is interested? Are you picking up all of the non-verbal ques that non-black men send? Most black women do so check out Chapter nine which will tell you all you need to know about the art of flirting. Want suggestion of where to go for that first date so that is does not turn in to an evening of long uncomfortable pauses? Then chapter ten is a must read. What to know all about all the great stuff that happens between the sheets? Yep that is in there also. I think the misconceptions about sex has to be the number on thing that keep black women from finding a fulfilling and pleasurable relationship with a non-black man. From the beginning of the courtship process to how attentive your man is in bed the authors lay it all on the line for you.

OK. You've acted on your attraction, have talked the talk and now it is time to walk the walk. Unless your are going to hide your relationship ,which is dysfunctional to say the least, you have to go out in public sometime. How do you handle the public at large, your friends and family? What happens when you get the "stare" or over hear comments that may not be too pleasant? Relationships between Black women and non-black men, while growing, are still small in number and some people do find then unusual and may not know how to respond to them. Being prepared and knowing just how to respond markedly decreases the stress level. Swirling has your answers.

Part Three of Swirling deals with some of the harder issues regarding IRR. Questions regarding race loyalty, how you and your non-black man respond to issues having to do with race are covered as well. We are all human and we all see the world through the prism of our life experiences. How do you handle those differences and make your relationship work? For many black women dating outside of our race is uncharted territory but lucky for you there is now a guide to help you find your way. Part three of the book has all of these issues covered. From first date to walking down the aisle Swirling gives you the information you want and need in that open, honest and oft time irreverent way your BFF's would give you if they knew even a fraction of the information contained in these page.

Swirling is an easy and enjoyable read for women from their teens to middle age and even older who have an interest in taking the leap with a great guy of a race different than their own. Having been married interracial myself for ten years I can honestly say that this book gets it right and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to any woman who is interested in a relationship with a man of another race.
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