Customer Review

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars (un)creatively bankrupt!, March 9, 2013
This review is from: Storage 24 [Blu-ray] (Blu-ray)
The only thing I can say positive about Storage 24 is that the alien monster is great. It's an old fashion rubber monster man-in-a-suit kind of thing. But in this modern age, such a cheesy effect is bound to turn more people off than to win them over. And this is without a single doubt the best part of this agonizingly bad, cheaply made grade B with a minus British made mix of sci-fi and horror. A barrage of misogyny and stupidity that follows is bound to please only least demanding of paying customers, which I hope there are few.

It all starts off with the slight twinkle of promise as an unexplained alien monster is on the loose inside of a storage unit. Also on the loose is a hand full of employees and patrons who are inexplicably trapped inside the storage facility with our guest from another world.

So far, so good, but that's all about to change. because in no time at all, Storage 24 becomes a terrible prime time soap with a slimy monster who seems to change size given the requirements of any given scene. Sometimes he's human size, others he seems to tower above them. And this is only the beginning of this movies faults.

Storage 24 was written by actors Noel Clarke and Marc Small, along with Davie Fairbanks, it is surprising in it's lack of good roles for just about anybody. The characters are simple one dimensional, obnoxious and unlikable. All the female roles are self-center, treacheras bitches. The men, self-loathing cowards.

The acting is just shy of dismal. Not one of the cast members manage to give any substance to their roles, a few of them look like they would rather be home watching telly, which you can`t blame them. Leading lady Antonio Campbell-Hughes is a new kind of low for any actor who is not a professional athlete or musician making there way intro film.

Given this material, one could imagine a very funny movie from Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright, but alas, it is not meant to be. Storage 24 is ungodly stupid, uninspired and worst painfully dull. Little more than a sub par retread of many other similar movies, some better, few not. The one that Storage 24 most resembles is that great summer turkey the Watch, perhaps my least favorite movie of last year. Yes, the kind of movie we all want to see more of. Showing that it isn't just us yanks who are creatively bankrupt.

There is an appalling lack of interest here and zero energy to sustain the long 87 minute running time. Director Johannes Roberts, behind the gladly unseen DTD flicks like Hellbender and Forest of the Damned, clearly has no eye for the camera. Shot in a single location, not only does that let you know it's cheap, it just looks it and feels it even more. Roberts has given us an amateur hour and a half here. You wont be able to believe such a movie is still released into American cinemas. Even going in with low expectations, you will be astonished at how low they would have had to have been.

In my original review for Movie Zone, I gave this stinker a half of a star, but amazon wont let me do that. They should allow me an exception, they don't understand the pain I went through sitting through this.

read my reviews at moviezonemagazine.com
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Location: Island of Misfit Toys, WA

Top Reviewer Ranking: 87,626