1,442 of 1,532 people found the following review helpful
Dead Series, A Sookie Stackhouse Review,
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This review is from: Deadlocked (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood, Book 12) (Hardcover)I (Sookie Stackhouse) turned on my computer and began to read the Amazon reviews of the latest novel about me by Charlaine Harris, Deadlocked. I read many negative and frustrated reviews by longtime fans of my series, but one review that particularly caught my eye noted how often the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages.
I turned off my computer, took a shower, then got ready for bed. My friend Tara, who, as noted in the last chapter, just had two babies with her husband who's a stripper at Hooligan's (like I noted a few paragraphs ago and also in Chapters 1, 3, 4, and 7) called. "Tara," I said, "I just sat down at my computer and read a review of Charlaine Harris' Deadlocked that complained that the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages." But I knew this might stess out Tara, because (as I've just mentioned) she's just had two babies with her husband, who's a stripper at Hooligan's. I could have read Tara's mind because I'm a telepath who reads people's minds, in case you haven't gathered that from the previous 11 novels. But I didn't. So I hung up.
The next morning, after checking my mail three or four times and then sunbathing, I went to my job as a waitress at Merlotte's. Because I'm a waitress who works at Merlotte's, which is a bar where I'm a waitress. Perhaps I've mentioned this? Anyway, on the way in, I met my boss and good friend Sam, who is a shifter, and also my boss and good friend. "Say, Sam," I said, "Last night I sat down at my computer and read a review on Amazon about the novel Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris that complained that the same information was repeated in the novel, over and over and over again, in needless and infuriating ways sometimes three, four, or five times sometimes even within the span of only a few pages."
"That's interesting, Sookie," said Sam, "because I'm a shifter and you're a telepath who is married to a vampire and, by the way, here comes Pam, who is your vampire husband's vampire offspring and also your friend, like me, but I'm a shifter, not a vampire, and I own Merlotte's, which is a bar where you're a waitress. Hi, Pam."
"If you two don't stop this endless, rambling, repetitive exposition that condescends to your readers like they're a bunch of brain-addled idiots, I am going to rip off your heads and eat you both," said Pam.
Did I mention that Pam is a vampire who is also my frie... hey, wait... Pam, get away from me! Help! Stop! Don't Bite M......
END of Review
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Showing 1-10 of 118 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Jun 7, 2012 5:05:42 AM PDT
Posted on Jun 7, 2012 10:15:16 PM PDT
That was more fun then the book....
Posted on Jun 8, 2012 12:33:02 AM PDT
M. McSpadden says:
Great review :). I agree... Much more fun than the book with a MUCH better ending.
Posted on Jun 8, 2012 8:40:20 AM PDT
Posted on Jun 9, 2012 6:14:53 PM PDT
I laughed out loud reading your review and then I read it to my husband. I'd been telling him how annoying all the repeat pointless info took up 300 of the 325 pages. You nailed it! Thanks for the good laugh!
Posted on Jun 14, 2012 12:37:19 PM PDT
K. Harper says:
OMG!!! Your review was dead on!! And for sure better than reading the book. No action whatsoever. I was bummed when I finished. Thank goodness TrueBlood is on :) I can still get my Eric fix.
Posted on Jun 15, 2012 6:50:42 PM PDT
Tamara Fisher says:
Awesome!! I have been reading these books for over a decade, however I decided to skip this last one and just read the reviews instead! Well worth it! ( ps I have started using this method for all of the series that I have become disenchanted with- Laurell k hamilton, kim harrison, chloe neill, anna strong series, etc...)
Posted on Jun 18, 2012 2:24:31 PM PDT
Patricia A. Hubrich says:
This is by far the best review I ever read! Full of humor, yet making the point! Are you a writer? Are you published?
Posted on Jun 21, 2012 3:32:29 PM PDT
You should be getting royalties for this. Thanks for the laugh.
Posted on Jun 25, 2012 6:42:28 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 25, 2012 6:43:11 AM PDT
The best book review I have EVER read! Too funny!
I used to like this series but the last couple of books were bland, I will not be reading this one.