274 of 349 people found the following review helpful
A Terrible Book That Proves Men Are Simple-minded,
This review is from: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Hardcover)
This terribly-written book has Harvey spouting humorless relational philosophy, such as "men are simple creatures." And he proves that point by writing such a simple-minded book that it's a complete waste of time to read it.
The book is sexist, stereotyping all men into knuckle-dragging, sports-loving hunters that just need a little sex to keep them happy. The book is addressed to women, telling them to dress better, accept that the guy won't talk much, and give sex more often in order to keep their guy from straying.
Most offensive is Harvey's constant references to "the Lord" and Jesus, leading people to believe he upholds spirituality, yet he point blank tells people to have sex after 90 days together and accepts a couple living together without being married. He often mentions going to church--didn't he learn anything there?
He also conveniently fails to mention that he has been married three times. The book would lead you to believe he was married once, to a woman he admittedly slept with and cheated on before she threatened to walk out on him. There is also no real mention of his children. A quick check of his bio online will uncover the truth. If you can't trust a guy writing a book about relationships to come clean about his own relationships, then why read the book?
There are a couple of valid points, such as the fact that men need respect and loyalty from women. But the lousy writing style and simplistic examples negate any reason to read this book.
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Showing 1-10 of 26 posts in this discussion
Initial post: May 5, 2010 6:50:57 PM PDT
I enjoyed your review -- and I agree with just about all of what you say. However, I don't think that men are necessarily "simple creatures."
I agree with you that men DO need respect and loyalty from women and the reason I agree is that I, as a woman, want the same thing from a man.
I especially appreciated your comment about Harvey's constant references to "the Lord" and Jesus and then advocating practices not backed by Christianity. And as for cheating -- well I wonder if that was before or after he decided to bring God into the picture. Even a cursory reading of the New Testament shows that there's no place for "cheating" in a Christian marriage -- in fact, "cheating" is called ADULTERY.
Posted on Aug 3, 2010 5:03:07 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Aug 15, 2010 5:45:27 PM PDT
Rose in Bloom says:
Thanks so much for advocating chastity. I was also confused when he kept advocating sex before marriage although he made several references to God. A good book is The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. It's a fascinating read for all women, single and married alike.
Posted on Sep 29, 2010 9:09:07 AM PDT
we are in a new day and age and sex before marriage is becoming more of a norm now and everyone can see that its on tv now and everywhere you pretty much look and he was speaking the truth there are many people that goes to church and are in a relationship and are mostly likely having sex before marriage but they arent putting their business out there so you dont know but he wrote a book about it so thats the only reason you know that he isnt against it so dont judge him because a lot of the people that are in the church are the biggest sinners
Posted on Jul 14, 2011 8:03:12 AM PDT
Truthfully, if men are sooo simple minded, then why is it so hard for women (especially black women) to find a man and KEEP him. It is not all the men's fault. We play a part in it too!!
In reply to an earlier post on Jul 15, 2011 10:55:21 AM PDT
Yes, there are a lot of "sinners" in churches. But the church is actually about sinners recognizing they are sinners and accepting Jesus Christ as Savior, and at church they can learn more about God and what He expects and how He can help us, and how we can put this into practice. This is good.
However, if people don't practice what they know to be the truth, that's not the church's fault. But this doesn't only happen in the church. There are a lot of poeple in civic and humanaitarian organizations who don't live up to what they claim to believe, either.
A lot of people who say they are Christians need to re-examine what Christianity teaches about sex, and then ask themselves some honest questions. And they will notice that the standard for sexual purity applies to BOTH GENDERS.
In reply to an earlier post on Jul 15, 2011 11:07:21 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Oct 8, 2011 11:06:20 AM PDT
Porsha, I think that Steven Harvey has presented an image of men that is too simplistic. Men are NOT simple-minded people.
If there are splitups in a marriage it often has to do more with character issues and not "male and female" ones. Usually the blame lies on both sides -- sometimes more with one partner than the other, although sometimes it's 50/50.
Since I'm not Afro-American, I can't comment one way or the other that black women have more trouble finding a man and keeping him. I am a strong believer that human nature is the same, cultural differences notwithstanding. Maybe it is true and maybe not. But I think each partner needs to do some serious self-examination. A woman may be at fault, but I'd be willing to guess that the cause may not have anything to do with gender or race.
I have a good relationship with my husband, but when we have our tough times, usually the problem has been on both sides, and whether it's his "fault" or my "fault," these "faults" are things that both genders (unfortunately) very much capable of committing. We need to get rid of these "simple-minded" (or whatever) stereotypes we have of both genders.
In my opinion, these stereotypes of the genders are every bit as unfair and innacurate as were the old racial stereotypes of the past.
Posted on Sep 5, 2011 8:35:07 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 5, 2011 8:46:52 AM PDT
Tom Terrific says:
Your comment about Harvey always mentioning "the Lord" reminded me of a MadTV skit.
The scene is some music industry awards show and Jesus shows up. He then tells everyone to quit giving Him credit for their disgusting lyrics! It's hilarious and you can watch it on youtube. In fact, I think they did one skit at a hip-hop awards show and another at a country music awards show. Jesus wasn't too happy with either group!
The reason sex is such a lightning rod for the church is because it's probably the hardest commandment to keep - that we claim to care about.
Imagine if we spoke against and condemned gluttony as much as we do sex outside marriage. WOW! Would the church have ANY leaders?
Imagine if it were o.k. to smoke as a Christian (the Bible says not one word against it!), but not be overweight. Would every church have an Overeaters Anonymous chapter meeting in its fellowship hall? Or would you have to go on a "Weight-Waiting List" and get your weight down to the correct weight for your size before you could join?
Or should every church sponsor a Sex Addicts Anonymous chapter, too? And what would happen if the senior pastor attended and stood up to say, "My name is Joe and I'm a sex addict. I been sex-sober for two weeks now."?
Would ANYone say, "Hi, Joe! Welcome! We're proud of you."?
Would the church disintegrate if we started ignoring sexual sin (much as we do now, but even more so) the same way we ignore gluttony, gossip, backbiting, anger, wrath, schisms, etc.?
I don't know.
Would it be more honest for me as an evangelical to attend the Metropolitan Community Church (gay) rather than the local First Church of This or That?
Or is it all about letting the tares grow together until the end of the world? That's what the Catholic Church claims to be doing when they offer absolution to anyone and everyone regardless of their past or future behavior.
Of course, they don't believe in "once saved, always saved" or even offer a settled hope in one's salvation. They also believe in "the purifying flames of purgatory," which always sounded a hell of a lot like Hell to me as a kid.
The older I get the more I feel drawn to the orthodox, liturgical churches where you don't know the personal details of the person sitting next to you and nor do you care to. The service is about you connecting with the ritual, which is designed to connect you with God. Not being entertained by the performance of the "worship leaders" or claiming close kinship with your pew-mates.
Lots of questions. Anyone out there claiming to have the answers?
In reply to an earlier post on Sep 5, 2011 9:49:49 AM PDT
"Imagine if it were o.k. to smoke as a Christian (the Bible says not one word against it"
You need to read the scripture before you state anything. It does not say anything about smoking but it does say you body is not yours, it is His temple. When you smoke you are destroying your body aka "temple"
When you state stuff you don't know about, you lose credibiltiy. As far as Im concerned, Steve Harvey is only giving advice on what he has been through. I am not about to take advice from someone who has never been married on marriage.
In reply to an earlier post on Sep 5, 2011 1:54:22 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 5, 2011 2:03:35 PM PDT
Tom Terrific says:
I'm afraid you missed my whole point, Porsha.
I specifically did NOT advocate smoking. I pointed out that the Bible says not one word against it and it doesn't. You IMPLY smoking is included in your proof text, which is fine but I still didn't read the word "smoking" anywhere in there.
Both C.S. Lewis and C.H. Spurgeon smoked. D.L. Moody asked Spurgeon to hide his smoking while he was in America because American Christians believed smoking was a sin. Spurgeon said, "Sure, Mr. Moody, I'll hide my cigars, but how are you going to hide your belly!" Moody was FAT! But not a glutton by 19th century standards of holiness.
And regarding "destroying" your Temple. By your argument anyone who eats saturated fat, processed sugar artificial sweeteners, ice cream or just about any fast food is destroying God's temple.
Do you believe that?
And about not taking advice from someone who's never been married. You might want to reconsider that criteria. If I remember my Bible correctly, Jesus was never married. Are you saying He can't give advice on marriage.
Or what about David Wilkerson? He never used drugs. Does that mean he can't start Teen Challenge and help drug addicts.
I reread my post. I didn't even make one comment about Harvey's book.
In reply to an earlier post on Sep 5, 2011 4:37:38 PM PDT