9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
Where is Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?,
This review is from: Moscow Zero (DVD)
I just watched Moscow Zero. Apparently they rated it in the title - zero. Please put me out of my misery. They should make prisoners at Guatanamo prison watch this over and over again to extract information from the terrorists. Then again, we aren't allowed to torture our prisoners anymore, so that wouldn't be humane.
This was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Don't even watch it if someone tries to bribe you with money. Your time is too precious.
Let me summarize it for you: Yawwwnnnnnnnnnn!!! (Pause for effect)(Silence with crickets chirping in the background). Oh...okay...you are in a Russian dried out sewer system under a Catholic church. It is a circle. Kids fled with the nuns to get away from communists years before. The nuns told the kids that any adult outsiders were demons. The nuns die. The children await a nun to come and get them, who at some time years before died. They are left to grow up in the dark tunnels They can see in the dark. Adults from above ground have heard rumors of demons below in the tunnels. The kids scratch bones on the walls to scare off demons. The adults above think demons are making scratching sounds. An archaeologist ventures down below to trace the legend out. His friends go looking for him. As the kids run around the circular tunnel, their shadows move along the wall scaring the adults. The adults (supposed demons) scare the kids. They both think each other are demons. A woman is with the men. The kids think she is the returning nun. So they follow her out of the tunnel into the above Catholic church. There is no end, no explanation, no final meeting between adults and kids, no discovery of the truth, nothing, nada. The end falls off the edge of the film's reel before it ends. It's one of these - "What the??? What happened??? I just wasted what seemed like 5 hours on that, and there is no ending???" Actually, after re-reading this review, I should have written the script. Mine was more exciting and less timely.
Should you watch this movie? Is that a question or a joke?
You ask, "Why did you watch the whole thing?" I was hoping that at some time it was going to get better, kind of a gamble after you've invested so much of your time already. I guess I'm just stupid. Don't be stupid yourself. Don't waste your time. You'd be better off watching "Tele-tubbies Gone Wild" on PBS.