147 of 162 people found the following review helpful
I Wish I'd had this book sooner,
This review is from: The Sociopath Next Door (Hardcover)
If I had, perhaps my daughter would still be alive. We thought her boyfriend was just an idiot, one who got stranger and more jealous and possessive over time, but an idiot, nonetheless - now we find out he's a full-fledged sociopath, meeting all seven of the diagnostic criteria. It even looks like he'll get away with her murder and keep the children. It's hard to articulate how hopeless and helpless we feel at this point. He has all the rights, though he has done all of the wrongs.
This book should be required reading for every mother and daughter. Until we know what we are up against, we cannot fight it. These people are parasites, who feed off the self-esteem, finances, sanity and even the very lives of their victims. If fortunate, the victim ends up with destroyed credit and emotional fallout. If unfortunate, like my daughter, they end up losing their lives at the hands of these very clever people, who have an explanation for everything. My maternal rage knows no bounds, yet I cannot act on it, as I am law-abiding, unlike the person who has become my nemesis.
I've read many of these books since my daughter met her sad fate and this is by far the best. Please, please protect yourself and your family against these totally amoral people. Remember - we are simply amateurs in trying to discern how these minds operate - they are pros, having been at this their entire lives, fooling their victims, their families, even the police.
A person with a conscience finds it very hard to understand what approaches true evil - yet that is what these people are, whether they are two bit hustlers or tyrants like Idi Amin. They are evil, if we want to quantify it morally. Evil without any hope of redemption. It's just a matter of the power they eventually attain, whether they destroy families or nations.
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Showing 1-9 of 9 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Nov 9, 2009 2:32:53 PM PST
In time,there will be justice for your daughter.Nobody ever really gets away with anything.God saw everything that happened and there will be no way to fool Him.Hang in there and stay as close as you can with the kids.
Posted on Apr 8, 2011 10:51:31 AM PDT
Krittiya Leoviriyakit says:
I came across your review and want to say sorry for your lost. Thank you for sharing your story. It is very sad how good people often become victims of amoral ones. I don't know you personally but I hope you get through a difficult time.
Posted on Apr 9, 2012 9:02:51 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 9, 2012 10:53:10 PM PDT
no words will ever be enough to assuage your bereavement and rightful rage, and you are all the more admirable for the clarity of mind and equilibrium you have been able to convey so visibly through this review of yours.
Some persons seem to find their way to gain significance in this manner (the one of what you qualified as becoming your "nemesis"), because evidently otherways they could not - they simply are not able to be significant in any other fashion.
Were they asked to, they could not. And this shows how miserable they are: the righteous knows she has the capacity to act otherwise, but chooses not. These persons, instead, simply could not act good even if everything would depend upon it. It's just not them.
If you believe in an afterlife, which many elements may induce us to believe in, then you will meet Her again, and the both of you will understand and be repaied a million times for this.
If you don't, never forget that for those who read here and who are at least vaguely in their wits, the shining example of virtue, the pinnacle of it, so much clearly stays with you.
With Respect and admiration,
Posted on Apr 12, 2012 8:58:10 AM PDT
I've thought much of your post since first reading it but like most people, have no idea what to say. The 96% of us that aren't sociopaths feel for you - even though we can't claim to personally know how terrible what you are going through is. Thanks you for sharing your first hand experience - it's very valuable to know that information in this book would have helped prevent it. And, that it could help others. Deepest condolence on the loss of your daughter. I hope the children will not end up in that persons hands - in fact that is really concerning to me. Monsters should never be trusted with children. Good luck to you. I really hope that monster will exit your life. Justice of course would be the best way.
Posted on Aug 20, 2012 9:37:26 PM PDT
Primrose Hill says:
Your brief, eloquent, heartfelt review has me in tears.
It is absolutely tragic and unfair that an evil person has done so much damage to your family.
Those sorts of people are more common than people realize, until they fall victim in some way. I think kids in the upper years of high school should be taught about recognizing this and other personality disorders in others. Obviously it's a tricky subject that most educators would stay far away from, but it's not the kind of thing that a lot of families know about, or know about well enough to explain clearly and clinically to their kids (the warning to "avoid bad people" is common sense, but recognizing really evil and cunning people is hard to do, especially the more innocent and good one is herself/himself).
Perhaps your trauma and heartache are renewed on an ongoing basis, since your grandchildren are stuck with the scoundrel as their father, but I hope that somehow you and they now have some distance and protection from him.
Posted on Dec 17, 2012 5:16:52 PM PST
My deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your daughter and for what have gone through and are going through. Nobody really gets away with anything although it may seem like it, but that may be faint comfort to you at this time. Sooner or later 'what goes around, comes around.'
I sincerely hope you find a way to heal from this heartbreak. I have been through some of it myself, in my case it was with a sister, and my own mother.
Posted on Jun 20, 2013 5:05:29 PM PDT
N. Myers says:
I too am so sorry for what you have gone thru. I was separated from my husband and got involved with my "best friend" of 12 years. He was great, loving, fun, exciting, etc...what come three years later still haunts my heart. He was arrested for $400,000 embezzlement -he was a cop. I had no idea and still cannot believe it, although logically I do believe. Then after the arrest I discovered a whole other life/lives he carried out-to which he still denies. I've been separated from him for more than a year and a half, thanks to prison. But I'm out $27,000-which he claims he will pay me back from his retirement. My brain knows and understands it all, but I love him. Or at least I love what I thought he was. As a mom, to a mom of young kids, what would you say to me? I am in therapy...I have reconciled with my children's father...but I am heartbroken and confused, even though I'm educated-I feel majorly stupid.
I know this is a book review...so I was wondering if you thought this book could help me. He is diagnosed sociopath...is this the book for me? I don't need help recognizing what I've known for more than 12 years....
In reply to an earlier post on Nov 13, 2013 2:38:53 AM PST
Yes, this book is for you. Even the professionals he worked with and were associated with were duped.
Posted on Mar 21, 2014 8:17:55 PM PDT
I try to find the good in everyone I meet. Sometimes this can be a tall order. I now know a good segment of the population has no conscience and no good whatsoever. This is very disheartening. I view society with a careful eye now that I have two little children. This book packed a powerful punch
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