48 of 50 people found the following review helpful
S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s, Hooray for "Santy" Claus,
This review is from: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (DVD)
It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa.
Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.
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Showing 1-8 of 8 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Nov 25, 2007 7:43:19 PM PST
Paul E. Stansberry III says:
Great review! Well said, and I feel the same way. In my family, if Santa Claus doesn't conquer the Martians it just isn't Christmas!
Posted on Dec 4, 2007 11:28:08 AM PST
A. Ryan says:
huzzah for your hilarious review!
Posted on Feb 22, 2008 8:11:43 AM PST
! MR. KNOW IT ALL ;-b says:
I watched this again almost a year ago and I still burst out with "HOORAY FOR SANTY CLAUS" every couple of days or as the week go by! I think I do it to playfully annoy my wife LOL! This movie is a just too much and must be seen to be beleived. It does help growing up when it came out and I remember the film trailer playing at the movies! Ahhhh............those were the days! Noce reveiw.
Posted on Mar 6, 2008 1:11:10 AM PST
Stephen Roth says:
Great review! I hadn't seen this movie since I was a child but had to see it again just to hear that great theme song. Of course Pia Zadora wasn't famous when I first saw her in this, so it was more interesting to see her now. The great thing for me in the middle of this barrel of laughs was to see the robot TORG, an anagram of GORT from "The Day the Earth Stood Still". I hadn't remembered him at all.
Posted on Dec 13, 2009 2:22:13 PM PST
S. Pelovsky says:
This movie really needs to be remastered, as my copie's color is faded. It gives Plan 9 From Outer Space a run for it's money as a "It's so bad, it's good", movie. It's by far the best outer space Santa Claus movie out there. If you are alone on Christmas and depressed, put this movie on and you will come away thinking things arn't so bad on this planet after all. Does anyone know if the soundtrack is available?
Posted on Jun 19, 2011 1:22:56 AM PDT
Harry Markowitz says:
I finished one show and turned to Turner Classic Movies to see what they had, when I stumbled into the middle of this movie. I couldn't tell whether the movie was serious or not until the fearsome robut appeared. That settled it. This had to be a farce. No producer or director who intended anything serious would have called for a robot as silly as that. I've read that this movie, voted "worst of the year," and sometimes "worst ever," a title I am sure the producer and director wear with pride, has been spoofed several times. How can you spoof a spoof? I am sure that the movie itself is a more credible spoof than any of its rip-offs. The only thing that would have been grreater would have been the Marx brothers doing a Buck Rogers movie.
Posted on Nov 24, 2011 9:41:44 AM PST
Kelly McGahan says:
How is the picture and sound quality of this release?
Posted on Feb 27, 2014 8:01:09 AM PST
You said that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
"is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars."
I both agree and disagree with you. When I look at a movie and decide how to rate it, I don't look at whether it is a "deservedly one-star movie" but on my own attitude toward it.
If I enjoy a movie so much that I know that I'll watch it again, and again, and maybe even again, then I'm going to give it five stars.
If I can't even finish a movie, quit watching it in the middle, and know that I'll never watch it again, then I give it one star.
If I finish a movie, but wish that I had not wasted two hours of my life on the movie, I also give it one star.
If I finish a movie, and got at least some enjoyment out of it, then I decide between two-to-four stars, and sometimes five, for it.
IMHO, our ratings are supposed to be our opinions, based on how we feel about a movie, not about how we think other people feel about a movie.
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