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Yolanda Squatpump is Today's Ed Wood!,
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This review is from: Bad Movie Police Case #2: Chickboxer (DVD)
You have never seen anything like 'Chickboxer.' I have seen many, many very bad movies, and generally revel in movies gone wildly awry, but this is in a class by itself. I am serious, when I say that this is the heir apparent to the Ed Wood catalog.
This is the worst made movie I have ever seen. Shot with a low quality video camera in 1991 on a budget of $5,000, 'Chickboxer' is the story of a frumpy twentysomething girl (who is allegedly seventeen) inspired to fight crime by her favorite television show, 'Chickboxer'. Along the way she takes a karate class (which must be seen to be believed), and gets a date with the limpest football player I have ever seen. There are a couple of plot cul-de-sacs which involve kidnapping and the murder of a waitress which have NOTHING to do with the rest of the movie, and there is a cameo by Michelle Bauer as the real 'Chickboxer', as well as a tacked on bit of bad quality adult film of her that is also completely unrelated to the film at the very end. Another thing to watch out for is the unbearably long 'shoe lacing' title sequence, the most painful in cinema history.
This has been packaged as part of the "Bad Movie Police" series, with several excellent extras, all of which are worth watching. I sincerely hope that the series continues with other movies from the same production team such as 'Maximum Impact', 'Robot Ninja', and 'Zombie Cop', all long out of print. In his commentary, J.R. Bookwalter (the alter ego of editor 'Darryl Squatmpump' [sic]) alleges that 'Zombie Cop' is even worse than 'Chickboxer', but I refuse to believe him until I have seen it myself.
Extras on the DVD are wonderful. In addition to the moderately amusing "Bad Movie Police" introduction, there are two brief documentaries on the making of 'Chickboxer'. I am particularly amused by the interview footage of James Black, who played the karate teacher. There is also a still picture library, and by far best of all, an option to watch the movie with commentary by producer J.R. Bookwalter, who is hilarious to listen to, and tells us many amusing things such as the picture was made after the production company gave them the final video box and synopsis and told them to make a movie around it. How great is that?
This is the pinnacle of bad filmmaking. Some will not be able to sit through it (especially the horrible narration device), but for those hardened by the works of Adamson, Steckler, and Wood, Squatpump will be a breath of foul air!