Customer Review

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Like A Porno Film Without The Actual Porn, March 22, 2012
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This review is from: X-Men Anime Series Season 1 (Amazon Instant Video)
Like many other long time X-Fans, I'm afraid I found this one an immense disappointment. I know it's easy to fall into hyperbole, but in all honesty, this may well be the single most boring cartoon I've ever seen.

On the plus side, on a purely technical level the animation is superb. About as subtle as a tattoo of a flaming skull, but technically superb. Oh, and almost all of the chicks are drawn with giant racks, too. And when I say "giant", I really do mean giant. The kind that in the real world could only be achieved with truly industrial quantities of silicone.

Actually, aside from the fact that everyone keeps their clothes on, the style of animation here is very much in the mould of high-budget R-rated anime. I'm not just talking about the spandex-clad chests - there's also the splatter and the gore. Measured purely in terms of screen time, the amount of violence in this show is probably about the same as you'd find in any other superhero cartoon. However, the feel and the texture of that violence is very different from what many viewers will be used to. There's something positively gratuitous about the way it's drawn. Indeed, it could almost be described as erotic... If that's your thing.

And yet, despite all the violence and the chicks with the giant racks, the truth is that this has to be one of the most profoundly boring pieces of television I've ever seen. The problem is... Well, let me explain with a story.

I remember back when I was about seven years old and I thought Star Wars was the greatest movie ever made. I also thought that because the best parts of Star Wars were the space battles, wouldn't Star Wars be even better if it was just one long space battle?

Of course, I now know that it simply doesn't work that way. However technically impressive, however visually awe-inspiring, those climactic battles only mean something when we're emotionally invested in the characters. If we fundamentally just don't care about Luke Skywalker or the world he inhabits, we also won't care that much when - or indeed if - he blows up the Death Star. The special effects are reduced to being _just_ special effects. An impressive technical achievement to be sure, but nothing more than that.

Unfortunately, that's the way it is with this show.

In this series, in place of real character development all we get are emotional histrionics. In place of real storytelling, scenes of gratuitous violence are interspersed with lengthy and turgid exposition. And in those very rare, brief moments when things aren't gratuitously violent, histrionic, or even turgid, everyone suddenly becomes inanely bright and cheery for no apparent reason.

The honest truth is that at no point did I find myself caring about the characters in this story even the tiniest little bit. The animators could have drawn us an episode in which every single one was fed slowly into a meat-grinder and it'd barely have rated a yawn.

Frankly, I would just have found it as unutterably boring as every other episode in the series.

Theo.
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Review Details

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3.8 out of 5 stars (24 customer reviews)
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