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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
You will either hate or love this book
By reading other reviews you most likely have an opinion right now if this book is for you or not. Is it old-fashioned? Sexist? Stupid? Playing Games? Honestly, that's your call. There were several points I liked in this book, I think it has some valid content.
Profiles, the authors state that men basically look at the pretty pictures of the women, and...
Published on May 18, 2006 by Stephanie Manley
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119 of 153 people found the following review helpful:
What I like in a woman
I like a woman who is honest. Manipulative is not honest; it's immature. Hard to imagine how a relationship could last that is based on such behavior. I like women who take initiative. I like women who return phone calls. If you do not return my call, I will not call again. When you don't, what I hear you saying is that you are not interested. I also like women who...
Published on December 15, 2003 by Scout
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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
You will either hate or love this book, May 18, 2006
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
By reading other reviews you most likely have an opinion right now if this book is for you or not. Is it old-fashioned? Sexist? Stupid? Playing Games? Honestly, that's your call. There were several points I liked in this book, I think it has some valid content.
Profiles, the authors state that men basically look at the pretty pictures of the women, and glance at their profiles. Is this true? Men are visual. So pick a nice smiling photo. Don't write too much. I like this, not because it creates mystery, because your leaving out emotional baggage. Your selling yourself, not the fact your ex cheated on you with your neighbor, wouldn't commit, or he was mean.
I liked the after 4 emails, and he didn't give you his phone number, or ask for yours move on. Really, your on a dating website to date. If you are looking for chat buddies, go to a chat room. The author also asks you to wait 24 hours before you respond. There is a lot of pressure to respond right away, do you need to wait a full 24 hours?
There are a lot of tips like this that I think help weed out the real potential canidates. Online dating isn't for the faint-hearted. It is work finding the right person. I like that this book sets boundaries initially. I haven't read their other book, but I felt this book does a good job of helping you to sort through people. If you liked 'He's just not that into you', you will like this book as well.
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35 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
Very Helpful!, July 15, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
I read the original "Rules" book before it became popular, and I was one of the people who the authors polled when they were working on "The Rules for Online Dating." This book is wonderful if (like me) you are a very sensitive person who is eager to find Mr. Right. I've had my heart broken quite a few times over online dating experiences, and I must admit, each time it happened, I broke the "Rules" that are in this book. It's easy to get carried away with the fantasy of online correspondence, and this "Rules" book will save you a lot of time and heartache.I was surprised to read so many user-reviews about this book that were written by men. If you are a man, and you are trying to figure women out by reading "The Rules for Online Dating," I have some advice for you...
If you really like a girl, and think you would be a good match, dont give up. Be persisent and try to meet her. Don't worry about whether she is "playing games." Why not? Here's why:
(1) A lady who seems to be "doing THE RULES on you" may have never even heard of this book! There were times when I was not "into" the RULES, and didn't care whether I followed them or not. Then, to my surprise, I noticed that I practiced them by accident, simply because real life got in the way. For instance, I didn't email men back for a few days because I was too busy to check my email. (This can be infuriating if you are the kind of person who checks his email every day, but face it, not everybody does!) I recently met a guy from internet dating who informed me over dinner that he was glad he "tried again." I had no idea what he was talking about. It turns out, he had emailed me before, but I deleted his emails without even looking at them. This had nothing to do with the "Rules" book and everything to do with the job I took to make some extra money for Christmas presents.
(2) If a girl really IS making a conscious effort to follow this book, does it matter? She's just trying to take the relationship slowly. She just wants to be sure you are a nice guy whom she can trust. Would you really advise your sister, daughter, or divorced/widowed mother to email strange men from the internet, share personal information and intimate thoughts with these strange men (in writing!), and go running/flying off to meet and sleep with these men at a moment's notice? Give us girls a break. Most of us don't have Papa standing on the porch with a shotgun when we meet new men, so we have to do SOMETHING to protect ourselves from creeps and "players."
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51 of 61 people found the following review helpful:
You have to learn the rules before you can break them, January 5, 2005
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
As I've learned in graphic design and cooking, you have to learn the rules of the trade before you can break them with confidence (and success). That said, this book provides a great outline of how to find success in online dating, assuming success is defined as achieving a long-term romantic relationship.
For the men who refute the validity of these rules:
You like a woman who is honest. Rules girls are always truthful; how is saying we're busy when asked for a date on short notice manipulative? Rules girls are always busy because our lives are full, we're not sitting by the phone waiting to be called for a date.
You like women who return phone calls and e-mails. Rules girls return phone calls and e-mails at the earliest opportunity--we're busy but well worth the wait--our weekends are always full of fun activities with family and friends, not checking e-mail. If you interpret a longer-that-24-hour delay as disinterest, you don't have enough initiative to interest us anyway. You also like women who initiate phone calls themselves--perhaps when we know you better, we will, wouldn't that be a treat?
You like women who answer the questions you ask instead of ignoring them. Anything more personal than, "Just got back from walking the dog...do you like dogs?" deserves to be ignored. The brevity of a Rules girl's response has nothing to do with our level of education. If you don't understand a "Hi, sorry for not responding sooner, I've been so swamped!" means we're thinking of you despite our busy schedules, then you're not our type anyway.
You like women who take initiative. We're ambitious women who take initiative in all other aspects of our lives--we would like to be in a long-term romantic relationship with a man who is self-confident enough to take the initiative.
You like women to ask you out...well, I prefer to be asked out. If you're my type of man, you will run the risk of rejection, because you are self-confident and interested in me. If you're *that* interested in me, you will likely win that first date!
If you aren't dazzled by me within four e-mails, that's about a week of completely impersonal communication and you're just not that interested. I need to move on to brighter prospects.
Equality in a relationship is not based on who pays for a date--who really thinks that anyway? If you ask a Rules girl out, she is your guest and you pay (and, lest we forget, you plan). When I ask you out, I will pay (by that time, though, you'll have married me, so it may not matter).
The techniques this book recommends would quickly cause you to look elsewhere. That works for us, you're not Rules girl material! If YOU want a relationship with a Rules girl, you'll make it happen. If you don't, you won't--the Rules girl won't waste her (or your) precious time trying to force what isn't there. Not all people fit with each other, and this book helps women with particular expectations understand why they're not being met by the men they date.
All of that said, I discovered I have been practicing the Rules nearly my entire dating life. It has been when I've broken my own personal "rules" that I've experienced heart-wrenching break-ups, because the relationships should never have been in the first place. Cheers to all the Rules girls, past, present and future!
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26 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
what a man will tell you, June 22, 2005
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
-he likes it when a woman calls
-he likes it when a woman askes him out
-he likes it when a woman goes dutch treat
-he likes it when a woman is easily available
He also likes it when a woman puts out sex on the first date.
But the truth is, he's not going to marry any of these women.
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119 of 153 people found the following review helpful:
What I like in a woman, December 15, 2003
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
I like a woman who is honest. Manipulative is not honest; it's immature. Hard to imagine how a relationship could last that is based on such behavior.I like women who take initiative. I like women who return phone calls. If you do not return my call, I will not call again. When you don't, what I hear you saying is that you are not interested. I also like women who initiate phone calls themselves. I like women who don't wait 24 hours to reply to an email. I also like women who don't avoid writing simply because it is during the weekend and don't want to appear to be unbusy at that time. I like women who don't stop writing after four emails simply because I haven't asked them out yet. A woman who behaves like that is going to miss the love of her life. I like well educated women. A woman who answers with a terse three line quickie suggests that she is inarticulate. That she artificially suppresses communication seems to be contradictory to one of the most foundational aspects of a successful relationship: open, honest communication. The techniques this book recommends would quickly cause me to look elsewhere. I like women who answer the questions I ask instead of ignoring them. I like women who don't passively wait to be asked out. If you want to go out, ask. Fear of rejection? Now you understand what equality means. For both men and women, if we don't ask, the answer is automatically no. I like women who are truly interested in equality in a relationship. That means not insisting on equality only when it suits them. I like women who don't use double standards. When I ask a woman for a date, she is my guest and I should pay. It is impolite for her to demand to pay half. If she wants to pay for something, she should do the asking. Then I'd be her guest. She should do half the asking if she really wants equality. I like women who have a sense of humor. That doesn't mean women who exclusively expect to be entertained with my sense of humor, but rather those who are capable of creating humor themselves. If you want a relationship, stop playing games. This book helps to explain why an ever increasing percentage of women finish college, reach their 30th birthday, reach their 40th birthday without ever finding the right man for them. The only real value I see to this book is that it helps me to weed out the women who rely upon such techniques.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
The Best Review about The Rules, September 11, 2008
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
Have you noticed that most of the negative comments about this book are written by men? Well, there's a reason for that. Men don't want to feel "manipulated" or part of some strategic plot. Understandable. However, guess what? This book isn't written for them! It's written for women, only. No matter how hard men try, they will never know what it's like to be a WOMAN and not asked out, or to have men constantly ask you out, but then they all lose interest. It's too painful, so let's give ourselves an honest break.
These Rules aren't to deceive anyone, contrary to what some people may say. They're actually to transform and empower a woman. I'll admit, if a normally talkative/boisterous woman acts quiet just to get her man, then she's not being honest and that's wrong. The authors, Ellen and Sherrie, do not support that kind of behavior. They actually want women to work on their dating skills, like someone working on their cooking or writing skills.
How would a man feel if a woman frequently called him at 2am in the morning with her emotional issues? She talked too much and wouldn't get off the phone when a man has to work the next day? She quits all her extracurricular activities/hobbies just so she can pursue a man? Shows up at a man's doorstep one weekend without calling first and expects him to entertain her (even though he may have already had plans)? She nags or tells a man what to do, like his mother would?
Women don't really do that, right? Wrong! Heck, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I used to do some of those things myself, and I know PLENTY of other women that still do. That's the point! Even if some of the methods in the book seem a bit extreme, it's helping women (especially ones with low-self esteem or can't seem to get/keep a man) learn important skills of respect (a man's time) and about having a life of their own, which is very attactive.
My story: People were saying, "You're so smart, attractive, and talented...how come you're not married?" I definitely had men pursuing me, but then they seemed to ALWAYS lose interest. I used to think I was cursed or God hated me. Then a friend suggested The Rules book and it turned my love life around. Suddenly I learned how to keep a man by not being so obnoxious and pursuing him too heavily, and giving him the space a respect a man deserves. And it wasn't deception either. I worked hard to make these skills truly part of my life and not some false front to deceive anyone.
And guess what? I married an amazing man! He's tall, handsome, very intelligent (PhD), has a great job, superb personality and wit, and very much a gentleman. After his divorce, he seriously had women throwing themselves at him and pursing HIM! He would initially like these women, but they seemed so clingy and needy after awhile that if turned him off. Then when he met me, I was pursing an intense career, dating lots of other amazing men, and didn't have time to spend hours on the phone/computer bearing my soul to some stranger. He thought my confidence (which was sincere) was amazing and pursued me vigorously. Needless to say, he won my heart and the rest is history.
So, some may scoff, but honestly women, read the book and take it with a grain of salt. If something doesn't apply to you or feel right, test it out. If it doesn't work, don't do. Use your head and common sense. But there are lots of GREAT suggestions. And remember, this book IS NOT FOR MEN! Good luck, ladies, and I hope you marry the man of your dreams like I (finally) did!
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
excellent advice, July 16, 2006
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
I am a fan of the first book and subsequent "Rules" books by these authors. While these authors are criticized for being manipulative and non-feminist, one only has to try out their methods and look for results (or, conversely, violate the rules and see that doing so ends in disaster). Every time I have violated a rule of theirs, the man has immediately lost interest. What's great about this book is that it tells you exactly how to handle certain situations that arise when you are engaging in the online search for a significant other. This book is just what I needed to save myself time and heartache!
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24 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
Oh sure it works, but at what cost?, February 6, 2006
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
I was so apalled at this book that I came here to see what others were thinking.
There seem to be two camps -- those who are disgusted that people would use these tactics (both men AND women), and those that say "so what, it works". However, as might be obvious by the way I worded that, both sides mesh. This phenomenon crops up everywhere you look.
I used to do follow-up interviews for a headhunting service -- dozens a week at least. My job was to identify people who didn't really possess talent, but sold themselves as such (perhaps through the use of an "Interviewing for Idiots" book, aptly named). They had stumbled upon a "system" that allowed them to get the same coverage as someone who was talented and valuable (the "system" being deception). Over the years, I realized that, while I was supposed to conduct very technical interviews about knowledge of very specific technologies, a person who reads a pamphlet targetted at the subject has a better shot at the job than a truly creative, talented individual.
I had an earthshaking revelation that I wasn't looking for people who were good at their job. I simply had to find the people who lied the least during the interview. I had to find the people who were hungry to better themselves before their pocketbooks. And finally, I had to realize that those weren't the people we should hire, because those people deserved far better than what we could give them. We hired them anyway, of course, but I made sure that they walked away from their second interview believing this about themselves.
Indeed, the market has been inundated with people who "play the game", all the while lamenting how much they hate those very games when played by others (a psychological defense called "projection"). Politicians, marketers... online daters. We're all prone to this behavior (acceptance is a powerful aphrodesiac). The people who don't play the game are overlooked and subsequently hang their mouths open in disbelief... many cry foul, many go hide. Of that minority, a smaller subgroup will accept that they can't be shallow. It is these precious few stones that everyone REALLY wants. I wish them well.
If you are looking to "bag" the best. Play the game. Rob the deserving of the best that was meant for them -- everyone is doing it, and it works! And it's fantastic to spend years with a person, slowly uncovering the layers deception (or hiding it). Tell yourself that anyone who doesn't fall for your trick isn't worth it. But if you really want the best, make YOURSELF the best and make yourself approachable. Instead of talking about how busy you are on the weekend and how you can't be bothered to answer an email or return a phone call, MAKE yourself busy on the weekend doing something that makes you more attractive.
These kinds of books will always be around. And the majority will fall for them. That's the economy that we live in (at least in the US). If you really want to put yourself above them, then do so and never envy the dogs. No matter how wonderful their lives seem, they will ALWAYS be afraid of being discovered, even as they rail triumphantly against what I've written here. They have paid an awful price for fake esteem.
(relax, my cynicism is hooked up to a 30 minute egg-timer.... tic tic tic Bing! And we're done.)
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Super! Women tired of being taken advantage of, take note, April 18, 2008
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
I read this book in one day, can't say my internet dating sprees of the past have been that strategic as the authors guide women, nor productive either. Most of the time I've been cyberdating I didn't get second dates, I had a lot of drop-outs, I had one boyfriend that I met online, and that didn't work out. So although I have taken a break from the singles; scene, I want to say that I will implement the author's guidelines as much as possible. If anything, not being taken for granted, disappeared on, or run all over is worth the trouble. Even thought you are more mysterious online, you can display behaviors that show overeagerness and low self-esteem. The Rules for Online Dating helps to show women that the boundaries are what will keep (normal) men interested and appreciative. So if you're tired of being walked all over by men, read this book. Kudos to the authors for additional tips to implement, and the profiles of men to avoid, so women can spot them easier. I won't be replying to "winks" any longer, because they don't often end up in dates, and I sure won't be traveli9ng to meet an online prospect, (I do remember someone asking me to come and visit him, saying he was "on call" for some reason, and I turned him down. He never suggested visiting, so next! as the authors say.And this was before I read the book.) No more sloppy seconds and wasted time, ladies, re-claim your power, and read this book if you're tired of men jerking you around, on the Internet or anywhere else.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Capturing Their Heart?, September 26, 2006
This review is from: The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace (Paperback)
After being out of the dating scene for ages, I've been trying to work my way back in, and find The Rules aren't necessarily about capturing the heart of "Mr. Right," as they are weeding out "Mr. Wrongs" and not kicking yourself over a failed relationship or a relationship that's not getting off the ground. If he hasn't asked you on a date after four emails, it's because he simply doesn't want to, at least not badly enough to ask. The Rules help you give a guy enough room to decide, and communicate, what he wants -- the opposite of manipulation.
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