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on January 17, 2013
Does NOT work on vampires; tried it the other night on one and had no effect whatsoever, which is why I am only giving it 2 stars.
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on January 17, 2013
I ordered a case to test on various monsters, and post my results below for when the apocalypse comes. Results may vary.
Atheists- Caused some annoyance when splashed in eyes. May need a stronger solution.
Gremlins- Oh boy, was that a bad idea.
Hobgoblins- Needed to smash the bottle and glass them. Effective only then.
Vampires- Caused the skin to burn, but this may have been the sunlight.
Witches- Causes death, but you need to hold their head under for quite a while.
Zombies- No effect. Got bitten. Please help, I'm
0Comment| 61 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on January 17, 2013
Lately, I've been regularly talking in my sleep. My wife is convinced it's demonic possession and is insisting on an exorcism. I wasn't down for that so asked her to meet me in the middle. Our compromise was a daily dose of the item in question.

I'm sorry to say that since taking said medicine, the night talkies remain and I am now inflicted with a major infection of intestinal worms. Apparently, my doctor says they are most likely ingested when drinking river water.

The worse thing about the whole episode is admitting my wife was right. I'm booked in for an exorcism Friday night.
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on January 17, 2013
I never post reviews but this product is so amazing that I felt I had no choice but to share my experience. I recently purchased 300 bottles of Jordan River Holy Water to fill my bath tub and the results were incredible. Showers are certainly more convenient and efficient but myself and many others have found that if you truly want to sanctify those "hard to reach nether-regions," nothing beats a 2 hour soak in a bathtub filled with holy water. I've tried all of the different brands on Amazon with mixed results and this one is head and shoulders (no shampoo pun intended) above the rest. After 2 hours of relaxation, and several very vivid and terrifying hallucinations/seizures, I exited the tub with my skin feeling silky smooth and my conscience feeling as clean as my backside. I even got multiple uses out of the holy water before I deemed it "too sinny" and was forced to drain the tub.

The only reason I'm not giving this product the full 5 stars is because I wish they had a jumbo size, specifically geared towards us "bathtubbers." A gallon option would be amazing and a 5 gallon bucket option would truly be the answer to my prayers. Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth it, but it was also very costly and time consuming to heat all of the bottles in the microwave, open all of the individual bottles and then empty them one by one into my, by then, room temperature tub. However, I'm really just being nitpicky, this is an excellent product. It definitely washed those old sins right off and I feel ready to sin again. 2013 is going to be an amazing year.
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on January 17, 2013
My neighbours son has been harassing us for years. I was sure he was the cause behind the disappearance of much of our livestock.
Chickens disappearing, rabbits with their throats torn out, even a pygmy goat was was savagely torn apart.
My wife thought it was the work of a fox but I knew different, the events occurred at or around a new or full moon or sometimes on a quarter moon. Far too much of a coincidence, this was obviously the work of a demon and I was sure it was the neighbours son "Damien", I mean who calls their son Damien in this day and age

I was sure an exorcism was required. My local priest wouldn't agree with me or have any part in it. So I knew I would have to do it myself.
I ordered 24 bottles of the Jordan Holy water, pretty sure that 10 would be enough but I wanted back up and besides we had a christening coming up for our grand daughter "Gabriella", so it wouldn't go to waste
The order arrived promptly (as always with Amazon) and well packaged.
The following day I dug a large hole in my neighbours back yard which I covered with loose branches and grass , knowing full well their demon child would fall into it whilst playing football after school waiting for his parents to come home from work.

Hearing the loud snapping of branches I ran to the hole and doused the devil boy in Jordan Holy water, his screams were quite disturbing but I knew this was for his own good (and if my livestock's) surprisingly the water did not cause the burning and blistering that I had expected and hoped for. But by the ear piercing cries and screams I could tell the demons were leaving his body.
I left the scene and his parents eventually returned home and retrieved him from the hole and carried him indoors
It's been 3 weeks now and not a single animal of mine had been harmed, the boy appears to be as normal as any other child of his age.

However it seems, that quite strangely the Jordan water although driving the demons from his soul, did not help his broken leg at all.

Thanks for a great product, I have ordered another 24 bottles as their is a teenage girl down the street who I suspect to be a werewolf.
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on January 17, 2013
It kinda tasted the opposite of holy and may have given me dysentery. It doesn't say how long to wait before your super powers kick in and I've been on the toilet for two days now. I still gave it two stars because I haven't given up on it yet.
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on March 17, 2013
Didn't buy this myself but my gramma did who is afraid for me and my little brother when we sleep over and wants to protect us, which is nice I guess but why does she have a home alarm system if she puts her faith in holy water? anyway she doesn't know how to use the computer so I am typing this but with my own TWO CENTS as I was scared s***less staying at her place... why the f*** do you have your grandchildren over if you have f***ing DEMONS IN YOUR HOME??!

The lable doesn't say alot about how to use it. you hafta go ONLINE to get the whole story. Yes there is an insert but it's translated weird and a little poetic like a Shakespear sonnet (a kind of poem) so I think that's a scam right there like you can get away with not saying it doesn't work on zombies like it's your own fault if you think there is one and sprinkle holy water that dries up in a few minutes anyway and then you hafta use more then before you know it the whole bottle's gone and gramma is going to be mad cuz you used up the whoel bottle on ONE ZOMBIE and then filled it from the taps so she won't feel sad that her crappy pension was spent on an imported bottle of water like she got mad when you tell her how much your VOSS cost and then she goes and buys this + shipping. @_@

Anyway the add could of been more detailed to say it DOES NOT WORK ON ZOMBIES instead of you spending a sleepless night fending off monsters and spooks and you only find out about it when you go online to write a revue for your gramma!!!

2 starz cuz maybey it did work on some demons JUST NOT ZOMBIES!!QQ!
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on January 17, 2013
The original Jesus Juice, mixes well with a good 18 year old single malt. If you bought this you might also like some magic beans I have for sale.
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on January 17, 2013
Since drinking this product I have taken to wearing a large pointy hat and flowing white dresses with gold accessories and am spending a worrying amount of time with the choir. I do, however, feel cleansed. As a bonus, I can now speak Latin, which I never used to be able to.
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on January 17, 2013
Before serving this water to friends and family, i'd advise that you check they have not been possessed by any demon, unclean spirit or malevolent force. I accidentally exorcised my great Aunt with a cup of holy earl gray, which completey ruined the ambiance of an otherwise relaxed and enjoyable dinner party.

Use with care!
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