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Blog postHard to believe it's been two years since my last post appeared on this #Vigaland blog. I became busy with writing books, mentoring others who wanted to write their memoirs (see my author's page at Amazon for all my books, including my latest and last on how to write your memoir, titled "Don't Write Your MEmoir without ME!")
After too many hours of staring at screens, I decided it was time for a change and just recently deleted my several websites, including my personal si -
Blog postThe day after the election, I was in horrible mood. I felt disappointed, defeated, victimized all over again. My husband looked at me and said sadly, "What's done is done. We all just have to get over it."
There it was again: "just get over it". And I knew he was right. There was nothing I could do. The people had spoken. No matter what, they preferred having a bigoted, narcissistic man lead the US to putting a woman in such a lofty position of power. It di -
Blog postYOU DON'T JUST GET OVER #CHILDHOOD #SEXUAL #ABUSE BY A PARENT (#INCEST)
I haven't touched this blog in months.
After writing 3 memoirs about the incestuous situation I lived with for 14 years, I thought I was finished, healed. Then this morning, the nightmare.7:38 am! My eyes fluttered open. My heart was pounding and my mouth was dry. Where is he? He was just here in this room. I was screaming at him. How could he think I wasn't angry at him all those years he was molesting me -
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Blog postThe movie, "SPOTLIGHT" winning the #Oscar for Best Picture was more than a victory for the producers, directors, actors and journalists acknowledged in the film. It was a victory for victims of child sexual abuse. As a victim, I was thrilled to see this happen. And coupled with what I wrote in my previous post regarding #Lady Gaga telling the world it doesn't know how we feel until it happens to you, it's given me real hope that maybe, just maybe, awareness of child sexual abuse will i
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Blog post"You don't know how it feels till it happens to you" belted Lady Gaga at the 88th Academy Awards as a throng of sexual assault victim/survivors joined her onstage. When she was done, the cameras panned over the faces of Hollywood celebrities and caught the tears brimming in their eyes.
As I listened and watched, I asked myself "Will this do it?" Can Lady Gaga reach the millions with the message that I, a non-celebrity, a child victim of incest, who k -
Blog post"I am ashamed that this woman never held her father accountable for his actions. Her weakness is unbelievable."
So wrote a "reviewer" of my book, "No Tears for my Father" Based on that 2-line review, she gave the book a 2-star rating. If I were this "reviewer", I would be ashamed of being listed as a "reviewer". This is not how one reviews or ranks a book.
But far more important than that aspect is this one: I -
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Blog postToday, I received a cheque payment for my book, "No Tears for my Father". It was accompanied by what was, for me, a heart-breaking note, so heart-breaking in fact, that I felt compelled, after a long silence, to write this blog post.
The purchaser was a woman who found out her husband of many years had been having an ongoing sexual relationship with his daughter from a previous marriage. This lady's world fell apart on learning this ugly truth, and who can blame her? She i -
Blog postOne of the saddest, most heartbreaking things about being a victim of child sexual abuse (#incest) is that most of us grow up hating ourselves. Despite every effort, sometimes for years, to find something we like about ourselves, let alone love about ourselves, we continue to find fault with ourselves. Why? Most likely because our abusers' voices keep screaming at us, reminding us we are worthless, unloveable unless we do what they want us to do. So we did it, even though it felt wrong, ba
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Blog postSomething was said today in one of my Facebook groups that got me really thinking about this question. We were discussing how some victims of incest, or any childhood sexual abuse. do manage to "get over it" enough to move onto productive, fulfilling lives and others never "get over it" at all. They live out their lives, if you can call it "living", in non-stop agony, self-recriminations, and self-hatred.
The topic had come up in relation to the slower-than-ho -
Blog postI know most will answer the question "Can anything good, positive, ever come from abuse?" with a loud "NO!" And that response is most expected. But as I move toward the end of another year of my life, and another year further away from my past, I can look at that question from various angles, the most important one being from the perspective of a survivor instead of a victim. And when I look at it this way, and reflect on what has happened in the 40 plus years since I got awa
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Blog postWhy have you visited this blog? What were you searching for when you came across the link to "Coming out from under Incest"? Unless you're doing an investigation or research for a project or book, my guess is you came here for one reason only: you are a victim of incest or child sexual abuse and you are looking for answers and/or validation that you aren't the only one who has suffered this way, and above all, you are looking for help in getting over and past what happened to you
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Blog postYou'd think when one's been victimized by an abuser, you'd run a mile before getting involved with another abuser. Yet, time and again victims tell me they left one abuser only to fall for another. It's like victims have indelible signs printed on their foreheads saying "abuse me!" But we all know that's the last thing victims want or need. So why does it happen?
Some reasons come to mind immediately:
Victims don't feel they deserve better
Victims feel w -
Blog postIf you have subscribed to my personal blog, VIANVISIONS, on my author's website, you probably are aware that I am currently in the last stages of writing the Sequel to my true story of #incest, "NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER". I wrote and published that book a little less than a year ago, and today, I have been thrilled with the sales and particularly pleased to see my book added to 6 Ontario libraries.
Nonetheless, I know there are many thousands of victims of incest and th -
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Blog postSabrina is in her 40's now and still lives at home with her mother and step-father. She works in their shop but receives no salary. Her step-father thinks she's insane and wants to have her committed. Her mother is abusive and narcissistic. The rest of her relatives think Sabrina is crackers too. Everyone tells her to stop talking rubbish and tarnishing the family name with her ridiculous allegations of incest by an uncle who is today a very prominent member of society. He also wields lots of po
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Blog postYou have to go out to pick up some groceries and don't feel like getting your youngster all dressed up to take him or her with you. Grandpa's watching TV and having a cuppa. You wonder if he'd mind looking after the little one for an hour. You promise not to be long and you tell your child to be good and do whatever grandpa tells him or her to do. And you're out the door.
When you get back, your little one runs into your arms and starts crying? Did he or she miss you that much in su -
Blog postAfter writing and publishing my own true story of #incest, "No Tears for my Father", I began mentoring memoir writing groups for my local library. This most rewarding volunteer position brought me, and the participants, a few surprises, the biggest being what many of the members were experiencing as they completed various writing exercises I assigned: they found what they were doing ... writing ... was therapeutic!
Of course, I'd known writing was therapeutic since I was a -
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Blog postThese past two weeks, like many of us, I have been horrified and nauseated by the news of the kidnapping of those young girls in #Nigeria by the #Boko Haram. I am appalled by the rationale, the justification their mad leader, Abubakar Shekau, gives for their actions, i.e.
"Girls, you should go and get married!"
Adding further that "There is a market for selling humans. Allah says I should sell. He commands me to sell. I will sell wom -
Blog postAt the request of readers and fans of my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, I am currently writing a SEQUEL to my true story of incest. In a previous post here, I invited subscribers to this blog to subscribe to that sequel as well. It's FREE, and you can read as I write because, at least for a while, I'm posting the story chapter by chapter.
But as I work my way through it, I have to ask myself what do my readers want to know? If they are simply interested in knowing how I recover -
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Blog postPurchase a signed, printed copy OR the eBook version for all e-readers of NO TEARS FOR MY FATHERdirectly from the author's website. Support indie writers trying to increase awareness of an important subject.
If you’ve read NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER and wondered what life was like for me, after leaving home and my abuser of 13 years, then subscribe to the RSS for the blog on my personal author's website now!
Why?
Because I have decided to BLOG my SEQUEL, temporarily titled: V -
Blog postWatch a Book Trailer for NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER
Recently, someone on Facebook asked a question along the lines of this: "How was it for you after you finally got away from your abuser? How did you manage?"
I was hesitant to answer this at first because of all the pain and suffering I read of in my own private and other abuse groups, the pain that questions like this can stir up again for so many. After all these years, I'm no longer suffering like they are. &nb -
Blog postSome time ago, I came across an incredibly informative op-ed by Ruth Hull, on Digital Journal. Ruth began her article with these words hit me like a brick in the face:
"The easiest way to gain custody of your kid is to rape the child. If you molest your child, your chances of gaining custody go up to 85 percent."
She expanded on this by adding:
"In the past nine months, 75 kids were murdered by their dads during custody battles — and the -
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Blog postI came across a very interesting blog post this morning that I want to share with you all. You can read it here:
http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/graphic-details/
I have very strong feelings about this excellent post and the ideas presented. Because of that, I left a long comment on it. Here's what I wrote:
“I really liked your blog post Marjorie. I felt the points you raised were very important and I left a long comment on the post. Hope you don't mind. I' -
Blog postMy first encounter with Lynn C Tolson was actually on Facebook. As I became involved in groups and pages about childhood sexual abuse, Lynn's name kept popping up everywhere. Who was this woman? My research revealed she was an author, herself once a victim of sexual abuse, and currently a social worker and speaker who gives a great deal of her time and self to helping other victims, both on and offline. I got the impression she was well-known and I felt dwarfed by her achievements. But at t
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Blog postI'm not the greatest fan of Hallowe'en. Don't know why. I find nothing particularly wonderful about seeing horrible masks, ghouls, freaks, cobwebs on trees and houses and all the other things that scare children ... and adults too for that matter.
Maybe it's because of my past, of living with someone of whom I was so frightened that I was too scared to go to bed at night. I still hear doors opening when everyone was supposed to be asleep. I see the thin shaft of light coming into my -
Blog postOne of the most devastating after effects of childhood sexual abuse and incest is the FLASHBACKS. For years, the victim may not have them. Then suddenly, they may smell something and it sets off a panic somewhere inside. Or they may hear a bit of music that triggers a memory of something horrid, unpleasant, but they're not sure what's happening. All they know is the memory hurts. It begins hurtling around their minds and try as they may, they can't get it to stop. It feels like it's consuming t
Books By Viga Boland
No Tears For My Father: A true story of incest
Aug 30, 2013
$4.99
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$15.00
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$11.00
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No Tears for my Father: Part 2: LEARNING to LOVE MYSELF: A memoir of healing after incest
Oct 15, 2014
$3.99
Available for download now.
Voice From An Urn: A mother tells her side of her daughter's true story of incest (No Tears for my Father Book 3)
Sep 18, 2015
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Viga Boland
$2.99
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$10.00
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$10.00
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$4.95
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$12.00
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$11.66
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$3.99
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