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The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Kindle Edition
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I wish I'd had this book 30 years ago. Melissa's story is my story. Exactly. But, I began drinking heavily to deal with the stress and denial of my family members that they had any disorder. Feeling ignored and attacked, that "I was the one with the problem" finally has finished it for me. I had to get to Alcoholics Anonymous seeking recovery help from alcoholism and depression.
Everything Melissa Orlov mentions is spot on. There is work that must be willingly undertaken by both spouses in order for the marriage to survive. My daughter and husband finally agreed to evaluations which recommended taking meds which all the docs agreed they needed. And they love how their meds help them. But they won't do the additional cognitive behavioral piece which absolutely should happen--because this affects me heavily. They don't see the value; they refuse to hear how difficult living with their behavior can be for me.
I hate to say my marriage is done, but I am holding on only until my daughter leaves for college. If you have an ADHD or ADD spouse, read this now and seriously follow Melissa's suggestions. Do the work in loving kindness and with the expectation that you both want the best for each other. Be willing, honest, open to change and help with this neurological disorder. Don't let train wrecks of alienation, affairs, fighting, and resentments rule your life. Sadly, I have come to realize how much happier I am when I am alone, especially for long stretches of time, at peace, living in a way that nurtures and doesn't suck the soul out of me.
The book is lacking in it's description of ADHD, predominantly and heavily dealing with the hyperactive variety. However, my husband's ADD is not the hyperactive type but predominantly inattention. So the author's example after example of "H" symptoms were not useful to us. And while we found the examples of other ADHD marriages helpful, w also felt that they were over done and much more time should have been devoted to tips for treatment for both spouses, ADD and non.
We started out reading the book thinking if we found it helpful that we might register for the author's online workshop. We will not. as we do not need to understand ADD more, we need more concrete and specific tools to deal with it in ourselves and our relationship.