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Absolute Unit Kindle Edition
“Action-packed, gory, and hilarious. I loved it!”—Michelle Garza
Absolute Unit is a dark carnival ride through the underside of the American Dream, where hustlers and parasites fight to survive against gun-toting furries, sarcastic drug kingpins, old ladies who are startlingly good with knives, and angry ex-girlfriends. It’s a hardboiled slice of modern American horror that asks the deepest question of all: Is the human race worth saving?
Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.
That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.
The apocalypse might come from within us…
“[This] bizarro crime horror story is a friggin’ blast, packed chock full of comedy, outrageousness, and violence.”—Michael Patrick Hicks, author of The Resurrectionists
Proudly represented by Crystal Lake Publishing—Tales from the Darkest Depths.
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateJuly 29, 2021
- File size1951 KB
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From the Publisher
Tales from the Darkest Depths
Since its founding in 2012, Crystal Lake Publishing has quickly become one of the world’s leading publishers of Dark Fiction and Horror books. With multiple award nominations and wins (including the HWA’s Specialty Press Award), we put integrity, honor, and respect at the forefront of our publishing operations.
Join the Crystal Lake adventure as we strive to present only the highest quality fiction and entertainment, while also supporting authors along their writing journey.
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| Nightwood | Classic Monsters Unleashed | The Exorcist's House | The Face You Wear | Monsters | |
| Category | Novel | Anthology | Novel | Novel | Anthology/Novellas |
| Blurb | All fairy tales were history once. | Stories of famous monsters in a new horror anthology. | This psychological thriller follows a family to their Appalachian farmhouse, where they encounter an unimaginable horror. | An unknown threat is creeping its way into Jana’s residence in this psychological horror novel. | Monsters and monster-killers come in all shapes and sizes in this collection of three horror novellas. |
Editorial Reviews
Review
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ "...takes the basic concept of a thriller, dials up the body horror, and puts a blackly comedic twist on the whole thing, the end result being uniquely entertaining and gleefully bonkers."—Richard Martin, Horror Oasis
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ "Action-packed, gory, and hilarious. I loved it!"—Michelle Garza
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ "Absolute Unit is a kick in the groin to all those who hold "traditional values" dear. It is the American nightmare made flesh with all the hidden seediness and sordid behavior of a rotten and decayed culture placed front and center for your reading pleasure. It's a nasty, dirty read, and I couldn't put it down."—Rex Hurst, author ofWhat Hell May Come
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ "The best parts of this book are the action sequences and the sharp wit laced throughout. Bill is not a great person and hearing from the perspective of the sentient parasite within him is truly unique. Once Trent gets involved, the story pivots and, while we still hear from the parasite, it is nice to have the added POV. 'Absolute Unit' speeds along and readers will be pleased with the entertainment factor."—Tracy Robinson, HorrorDNA
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ "With a plot like a hot-wired hot rod whose brakes have just failed, Absolute Unit will worm its way into your central nervous system just as effectively as its parasitic narrator, and the results will be equally catastrophic. High tension, humorous horror with a gloriously high body count."—Jasper Bark, author of Run To Ground
From the Author
What makes this horror novella so special?
This novella is a mash-up of horror, crime fiction, and humor that has something to say about our post-pandemic world. It's crammed full of talking parasites, gun-toting furries, drug kingpins, mini-car chases, murderous old ladies, pizza, an apocalypse, and true love!
Tell us more about your lead character.
The lead character isn't human at all! It's a super-intelligent, super-sarcastic parasite who initially wants to have fun, but then decides to conquer the world. So, basically John Carpenter's 'The Thing' if the creature had a sense of humor, or a tapeworm if it read too much Camus.
Why should readers give this book or your work a try?
I guarantee this is the most unique book you'll read this month. It takes modern American horror in unexpected directions; it has crime-thriller elements used in ways you've never seen. It'll make you laugh... and it will make you shiver in fear for the human race.
Product details
- ASIN : B096SVYC14
- Publisher : Crystal Lake Publishing (July 29, 2021)
- Publication date : July 29, 2021
- Language : English
- File size : 1951 KB
- Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 146 pages
- Page numbers source ISBN : B09B333ZSZ
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,033,504 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #429 in Humorous Dark Comedy
- #482 in Humorous Science Fiction (Kindle Store)
- #629 in Horror Comedy
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors

Nick Kolakowski's work has appeared in The Washington Post, McSweeney's, Washington City Paper, Thuglit, Shotgun Honey, North American Review, The Evergreen Review, and Rust & Moth, among other venues. He lives in New York City.

Since its founding in August 2012, Crystal Lake Publishing has quickly become one of the world’s leading publishers of Dark Fiction and Horror books in print, eBook, and audio formats.
While we strive to present only the highest quality fiction and entertainment, we also endeavour to support authors along their writing journey. We offer our time and experience in non-fiction projects, as well as author mentoring and services, at competitive prices.
With several Bram Stoker Award wins and many other wins and nominations, Crystal Lake Publishing puts integrity, honor, and respect at the forefront of our publishing operations.
We strive for each book and outreach program we spearhead to not only entertain and touch or comment on issues that affect our readers, but also to strengthen and support the Dark Fiction field and its authors.
Not only do we find and publish authors we believe are destined for greatness, but we strive to work with men and woman who endeavour to be decent human beings who care more for others than themselves, while still being hard working, driven, and passionate artists and storytellers.
Crystal Lake Publishing is and will always be a beacon of what passion and dedication, combined with overwhelming teamwork and respect, can accomplish. We endeavour to know each and every one of our readers, while building personal relationships with our authors, reviewers, bloggers, podcasters, bookstores, and libraries.
We will be as trustworthy, forthright, and transparent as any business can be, while also keeping most of the headaches away from our authors, since it’s our job to solve the problems so they can stay in a creative mind. Which of course also means paying our authors.
We do not just publish books, we present to you worlds within your world, doors within your mind, from talented authors who sacrifice so much for a moment of your time.
There are some amazing small presses out there, and through collaboration and open forums we will continue to support other presses in the goal of helping authors and showing the world what quality small presses are capable of accomplishing. No one wins when a small press goes down, so we will always be there to support hardworking, legitimate presses and their authors. We don’t see Crystal Lake as the best press out there, but we will always strive to be the best, strive to be the most interactive and grateful, and even blessed press around. No matter what happens over time, we will also take our mission very seriously while appreciating where we are and enjoying the journey.
What do we offer our authors that they can’t do for themselves through self-publishing?
We are big supporters of self-publishing (especially hybrid publishing), if done with care, patience, and planning. However, not every author has the time or inclination to do market research, advertise, and set up book launch strategies. Although a lot of authors are successful in doing it all, strong small presses will always be there for the authors who just want to do what they do best: write.
What we offer is experience, industry knowledge, contacts and trust built up over years. And due to our strong brand and trusting fanbase, every Crystal Lake Publishing book comes with weight of respect. In time our fans begin to trust our judgment and will try a new author purely based on our support of said author.
To date we’ve published around 100 books, and with each launch we strive to fine-tune our approach, learn from our mistakes, and increase our reach. We continue to assure our authors that we’re here for them and that we’ll carry the weight of the launch and dealing with third parties while they focus on their strengths—be it writing, interviews, blogs, signings, etc.
We also offer several mentoring packages to authors that include knowledge and skills they can use in both traditional and self-publishing endeavours.
We look forward to launching many new careers.
This is what we believe in. What we stand for. This will be our legacy.
Welcome to Crystal Lake Publishing—Tales from the Darkest Depths.
Customer reviews
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Top reviews
Top reviews from the United States
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Parasites are living inside Bill and his nephew Trent. Bill, a Health Inspector, is hated by everyone, and Trent is a young con artist. The parasites are sarcastic, funny, and unapologetic as they go from learning the joys of human consumption to the terrifying realization that they can control our every move. If you think that the parasites living in Bill and Trent are strange, wait until you get farther into the story with sex addicts dressed as furries, drug dealers, prostitutes, and an angry girlfriend, all of whom are trying to get their hands on these two men.
It’s not us who will end the world, and it might very well be something darker, something that comes from inside of us. The book makes me wonder how much control we have over ourselves. Or do I or we have some alien or biological creature running through our bodies?
This book is truly a gripping, bizarre, and bonkers experience. I loved every moment of this story. Do yourself a favor and dive in, you won’t regret it.
I'd love a sequel in the same vein.
I received this book for free for my unbiased review.
PROS:
Kolakowski uses a unique point-of-view character, a group of sentient parasites who think as one.
Bill and other characters find themselves in wonderfully absurd situations that made me laugh.
This story is an apocalyptic (and gruesome!) look at a possible future for humankind.
There are plenty of good action scenes that kept me turning pages.
CONS:
The only thing that I didn’t like is when the parasitic entities started waxing philosophically about climate change and shootings at peaceful protests. It didn’t feel germane to the story and briefly pulled me out of my reading experience. So I took off half a star.
OVERALL:
Absolute Unit is a fun, creative, gross, action-packed, and hilarious ride. I received an ARC from the publisher in hopes that I’d post a review, and I’m happy to share my thoughts.
Top reviews from other countries
Author: Nick Kolakowski
Publisher: Crystal Lake Publishing
Page count: 144pp
Release date: 29th July 2021
#IGotmyCLPBook
This sharp, funny and batshit crazy novella from Kolakowski is the first book I’ve read from him, but if this one is anything to go by, he’s suddenly a new favourite author.
“Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.
“That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.”
The multiple points-of-view in the book grab the reader by their proverbial balls and drag them into an insane riot of violence, drugs, a six-foot plus dude dressed as a giant bunny and knife-wielding midlife women.
Add pizza delivery girls, parasites, bumbling cops and drug dealers and you have the kind of book Robert Rodriguez would die to film. It’s terrific, bloody, hilarious and ultimately pretty damn scary. You don’t expect existentialism amidst the hardcore violence, but you get it anyway.
If this book doesn’t win multiple awards I’d be very surprised.





