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Adoptive Parent Intentional Parent: A Formula for Building & Maintaining Your Child's Safety Net 1st Edition
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About the Author
- Item Weight : 12.8 ounces
- ISBN-10 : 1482336677
- ISBN-13 : 978-1482336672
- Paperback : 268 pages
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.61 x 9 inches
- Publisher : CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1st edition (March 1, 2013)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,260,323 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I found this book to be helpful in that: the author has both biological and adoptive children thus understands the difference and is able to help you through self-doubt and dealing with that additional layer of parenting; this was the first book that I’ve read that actual spelt out attachment and the styles of attachment; I love the ingredients formula and how it’s used in the book. No prescriptive formula just elements to check and even a step around - okay what if that too is not working. Lastly this was the first book I’ve read that spelt out emotional age. I’m still battling to come to terms with this one however understand the concept and can see how that can help in the way you and others deal with your child . Highly recommended for anyone wanting to adopt or who has adopted
She starts off with a chapter to help you understand how your "stuff" (background, mild disfunctions that we all have, and so on) may affect your parenting.
The second chapter is an outstanding concise review of issues adopted children may face. She devotes about 35 pages to brain development and all the ways an adopted child's development may have been challenged (attachment, anxiety, PTSD, fetal alcohol syndrome, and so on).
The bulk of the book describes how to create a "safety net" for our children. It includes specific suggestions for a variety of behaviors, and asks questions to help the parent implement and "de-bug" the ideas. She is very good at helping people see where they may be getting off-track.
The final section provides encouragement for parents who probably are overwelmed on a daily basis.
One thing I'd like to see in a future edition of the book is a longer bibliography, especially for the material in the first two chapters.
From the beginning, we were blessed to have access to a support group for adoptive parents with the author, Stacy, as our coach. I wish I could tell you that I immediately embraced all the recommendations that Stacy had for us, but I didn't. Why? Because the truth is, it is hard work and it requires the willingness to reframe everything you think you know about yourself, your expectations and your kids. Being an intentional parent means putting aside entire boxes of "your stuff" so that you can meet your kids where they are. There are no silver bullets for helping our children heal from disrupted attachment and build trust - but if you genuinely desire to do everything you can to give your children the better future you have always dreamed of - there is HOPE.
We are living evidence of this hope. At our wits end about 5 years ago, we finally stopped expecting our boys to act their physical age and began to parent them at their emotional age. As Stacy suggested, we made their world much, much smaller and they started to calm down. The safety net is the single most important thing they need in order to heal and grow. In order to build that safety net, my husband and I committed to changing ourselves - how we react, what we expect and countless other decisions through a lens of "what is best for this child" and it WORKS!
In short, the approach described in this book is the best toolbox you will find. You won't find a quick fix cure in a prescribed medication, a family counselors session or a behavioral therapists office. You are the expert on your child and you are their best hope for healing and this is the tool that will make that possible. Read this book and then keep re-reading it until it falls apart at the seam. May God bless you and your family.