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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Paperback – June 1, 2015
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From the Publisher
Discover the four types of difficult parents:
The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety.
The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone.
The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting.
The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory.
From the book: Assessing Your Parent's Emotional Immaturity
Read through the following statements and check any that describe your parent.
—Esther Lerman Freeman, PsyD, clinical associate professor at the Oregon Health and Science University School of Medicine
—Thomas F. Cash, PhD, Professor Emeritus of psychology at Old Dominion University, and author of The Body Image Workbook
—Peggy Sijswerda, editor and publisher of Tidewater Women (tidewaterwomen.com) and Tidewater Family (tidewaterfamily.com), and author of Still Life with Sierra
—Ronald J. Frederick, PhD, psychologist and author of Living Like You Mean It
—Neill Watson, PhD, research professor and Professor Emeritus of psychology at the College of William and Mary, and clinical psychologist who does research on anxiety, depression, and psychotherapy
—Robin Cutler, PhD, historian and author of A Soul on Trial
—B. A. Winstead, PhD, professor of psychology at Old Dominion University and the Virginia Consortium Program in Clinical Psychology, and coeditor of Psychopathology: Foundations for a Contemporary Understanding, Third Edition
About the Author
- Publisher : New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (June 1, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 216 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1626251703
- ISBN-13 : 978-1626251700
- Item Weight : 10.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.9 x 0.6 x 8.8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #61 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I burst into tears reading the chapters on internalizers and how they end up dealing with this; it was like reading my life story. I'm not sure my parents were bad enough to be considered true "narcissists," and I really do believe they love me. But they fall so clearly into the "emotional parent" (my Mom) and "passive parent" (my Dad) the author describes, and it was a disastrous combo for my sense of worth. It explained their behavior right down to exact words and phrases they use, and it also explained MY behavior and some of the self-sabotaging choices I've made as an adult. I was so relieved to hear it wasn't all in my head, that there were things I could do to find real emotional connection with other people, even in my 40s!
I didn't come away judging my folks, but rather with new insight on how to deal with them, and how not to waste another minute of my life trying to get through to family members who have no desire to change. I'll take my parents as they are and not expect more than they can give, but also begin holding myself accountable for good choices now that I have this new information with which to move forward. I'm so thankful I found this book- it was dead on in its specificity.
What I like about this book, in particular, is that is reveals the systematic nature of emotionally immature thinking, which underlies the behavior of parents, lovers, friends, and public figures. By revealing the pattern and then explaining the cause (self-protection), it allows the reader to depersonalize the behavior and the damage it has done.
For the first time, I can feel "It wasn't me. It was never me. And, it's still not me." And, for the first time, I truly understand that it's a fools errand to try to make someone more emotionally mature. It's their path. I need to accept them as they are and decide how I want them in my life, if at all.
Lastly, this book is very good for people whose parents weren't excessively narcissistic, who weren't controlling or grandiose in an exaggerated fashion. One's parents can be stable and kind but still deny a deep connection with their children because they can't tolerate negative feelings. This book reveals these more subtle dynamics while explaining that the fallout is anything but subtle to a child's emotional development.
Top reviews from other countries
This book helped me understand at long last why my childhood felt like one long nightmare even though there was no obvious trauma. And that’s because of emotional neglect. Neither of my parents were able to care emotionally for me and now I know why and what to do about it.
I’m so grateful for this book and I urge anyone who wonders why they felt so lonely as a child to check it out and see if they too might have had an emotionally immature parent. Then the healing can really begin and life will be so much better.
This book provided a clear and concise answer.