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Showing 1-10 of 88 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 178 reviews
on August 26, 2012
I bought this and several other after-affair type books recently. I felt this book was a tremendous help. But I will warn you, if the wound is still fresh, the chapter explaining how the unfaithful partner feels will not be an easy read at all. This book operates on the premise that while the unfaithful partner has much more responsibility in what happened, the hurt partner also has some responsibility in why the affair took place. If you don't believe this, or are not in a place to read this, this book might not be helpful. Or you can skip the parts about the unfaithful partner and just read about how the hurt partner feels and operates during such a time. The book explicitly states, several times, that no one makes anyone stray. It does not come out and say that the hurt partner was the reason for the affair, nor does it ever suggest that. It does however suggest that in most relationships, affairs happen because there are breeches of something at home. She doesn't suggest that one partner failed and therefore the other cheated. She does however address that something in the marriage might have opened the window for one partner to stray, but that no one forces that partner to stray. Again, some chapters will be hard to read if you're the hurt partner. But I feel this book has done a great job of helping me understand and address my specific situation.
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on November 30, 2013
This book has some very good portions--for example, the in-depth discussion of how the victimized partner feels. It's a good thing for the partner who had the affair to read to give them a clear idea of the many issues and problems and feelings the affair raised in them and the fall-out suffered.
On the other hand, some of the ideas for renewing the relationship are asking the "victim" (if it's a woman) to act sexy and alluring to keep his interest now that he's back and things are healing. I found that insulting. It implies that if she'd acted sexier or seductive in the first place he wouldn't have strayed. That's not what marriage is about.
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on May 26, 2014
Spot on in so many ways however unfortunately it's probable most won't read it until it's too late. The pain of an affair is debilitating and the Great advice in this book may come too late in the recovery process. It has for me anyway. I don't think I could back track and do things as suggested in the book because we are a year and a half past the event and I'm not sure how it would turn out. This is a great book for people to read before or at the very beginning of the discovery of an affair situation. Very helpful if both partners heed the advice given.
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on August 9, 2010
Worth reading if you are trying to learn how to let go of those build up emotions after discovering of your partner's infidelity. A book your partner should also read if he/she wants to understand what YOU went through after discovering the same.

The only thing that I absolutely did not like about this book is how the authors made the hurt ones seem somewhat pathetic.By pathetic, I mean that every single one of them seem desperate to want the cheater back no matter what he/she did.

BTW,I only read this book after my husband and I had been to about 8 counseling sessions and the MFT suggested that I read this. We are still in counseling as books can't solve our problems.He did not physically cheat on me, he emotionally cheated on me with women he met in chat rooms which led to cell phone calls over a period of one year. We have been married for 24 years and it just might be over real soon. We have a 9 year old daughter.
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on December 6, 2015
My therapist recommended this book after my ex cheated. I gave it to him. He's still my ex, but that's not the books fault.
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on March 4, 2017
I really wanted to like this book it was recommended by a therapist but didn't like it at all didn't find it helpful.
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on February 19, 2009
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist I use this book in my practice often. I find it to be excellent for helping couples understand healing is possible along with forgiveness. What's great is that the book addresses both the pain of the offender and the pain of the offended. It examines closely what factors may contribute to the marriage being vulnerable to an affair and both partners taking responsibility for healing and addressing the vulnerabilities in the marriage. For the offended this part of the journey is hard as they must get past their anger and blaming however I recieve great feedback from my clients that the book provides comfort, hope, step by step solutions for talking about the affair, rebuilding trust, rebuilding intimacy including sexual and how to learn from the affair.
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on March 5, 2014
Both partners will benefit from this. Helped me realize I wasn't crazy from the emotional rollercoaster I was on, the anger and bitterness, etc. from dealing with a cheating/lying spouse. Can I trust again, to stay or to go. Also helped me realize a lot about myself, my spouse, how to deal with and understand both of our emotions, not just brush them under the rug and try to forget about it, how trust has to be rebuilt. Really a Great, Great book with so many benefits. Highly Recommend!!
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on March 15, 2017
Good book. Glad I read it. It helped me.
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on October 4, 2016
This was an amazing book and verified that I wasn't going crazy after my boyfriend cheated on me. It validated everything I was feeling.
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