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After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship-Revised Edition Paperback – September 24, 2008

5.0 out of 5 stars 11 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Twenty years as a practicing psychologist has shown the author the bonanza of difficulties that can beset couplesfrom the nitpicking annoyances to divorce-sized concernsand many readers will recognize certain elements of discord discussed here. By illustrating, with examples, how small behavioral details can mask major issues between partners, and by creating mock conversations between couples, Wile pinpoints the habits and thought patterns he believes frequently threaten relationships. His ideas are not new and his main message is familiar: at the bottom of most troubles lies a lack of communication. He maintains that partners fall into accusatory modes of thinking that block attempts at harmony, and he suggests some insightful strategies for "blending" problems into a relationship. What most invigorates this book, though, is Wile's firm grasp and display of sensitive psychological points between partnersthe fear of abandonment and of being taken for granted, the resentment of domination, dependency and boredomthat, in fact, are the roots of many conflicts. Those willing to wade through the recurrent pattern of theory and example that guides Wile's writing will find a commonsensical approach to relationships and a healthy pep talk that may get them started toward better times. Wile wrote Couples Therapy.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

< div> DANIEL B. WILE is a psychologist in the private practice of individual and couples therapy in Oakland, CA. A Diplomate in Clinical Psychology of the American Board of Professional Psychology, Dr. Wile earned his A.B. at the University of Chicago and his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkely. He has published on psychotherapeutic theory as well as on couples therapy, and has given numerous talks, courses, demonstrations, and workshops on couples therapy.< br> < /div>
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 312 pages
  • Publisher: Daniel Wile; Revised edition (September 24, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0979563909
  • ISBN-13: 978-0979563904
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #519,238 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Top Customer Reviews

By Lawrence Kistler on January 5, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm a licensed psychologist in practice for 30 years, and this is the best single book on identifying and expressing emotions in a relationship that I've ever seen. I routinely recommend it to clients; it contains a wealth of information. Wyle gives many examples of how to name feelings that lie below the surface, and how to share them with others in ways that are non-threatening and non-blaming. A fantastic book. More information at -- http://lawrencekistler.brandyourself.com.
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I've read literally dozens of books on marital communications issues and this is by far the best. Wile does not cast the problem in moral or "should do" terms. He offers sample conversations which are startling: "Hey, I had a conversation that went bad exactly like that!" He explores the structure of the event, suggesting ways in which our personal histories get in the way of good communication. Each chapter ends with a restructured conversation which gets around those problems.
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Format: Hardcover
Both in my personal life and in practicing psychotherapy with individuals and couples, I have found that the guidance given in this book is exceptionally helpful and to the point. The author does not waste words; he provides dozens of suggestions and rules for dealing with oneself and the other so that one can handle the inevitable conflict in relationship (intimate and nonintimate) better and find greater satisfaction as a result. I couldn't recommend this book more highly.
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This is a must read book for anyone who is married or is in a serious relationships and wants to learn how to use conflict to improve your relationship. The skills in this books can also be applied to friendships, and business relationships. What I like about this book is that the author really explores the anatomy of conflicts, and how it shows up. He provides case studies and examples. Best of all, following the advice in the book works. You can turn conflict into a conversation that really gets to the heart of the issues being expressed in the conflict.
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This book will help almost any relationship! You will laugh and wonder if Dan Wile had a video camera in your home as you and your partner were fighting. This is NOT a "how-to" book. It is not about avoiding conflict and being nice/understanding, etc. It says we will have conflict and let's look at what we can learn from it. Let's get to the deeper issues underneath the fight.

If you are having trouble in your relationship, please read and re-read this book with or without your partner. It can save money and time in therapy as you realize everyone has the same issues.

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to study with Dan after reading the book. He has a unique perspective on relationships in his ability to take each side of the issue and help the other one to see it.

The writing is easy and often belies the depth of his insight. If you get one book on relationships, make it this one.
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Recommended by a wonderful marriage therapist. It's a good place to start if working on any marital issues. Wile is very articulate, easy to understand, and psychologically it all makes a lot of sense.
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