All Out!: An Autobiography Hardcover – October 30, 2009

I have a habit of giving books away if someone thinks they can benefit by reading them. This is probably what happened to some of my books written by Albert Ellis. Since I am trying to effectively deal with a problem at this time, I thought I would benefit by reading some of his books again. When I started to order some of his books from Amazon, I saw that he wrote an autobiography. I thought it would be an interesting book to read.

I wondered if he practiced Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) himself. In short, did he live a life facilitated by the principles of REBT? After reading this book, I would say he did, albeit imperfectly. Of course, who does anything perfectly at all times? A large part of the book deals with his sex life. To be honest, I found the book a bit long because of the seemingly endless stories about his sex life. Hence, the three star review. In any event, he does analyze them as only a trained psychologist can. He had a high degree of self-awareness, which is not surprising. It is hard to imagine that he left anything out with respect to his sex life. From frotteurism to fathering three children with his ex-wife Karyl, while she was married to a man named Tony, it is all there in highly-analyzed fashion.

The chapter concerning his three "illegitimate" children is an interesting read, simply because he lays it out and then proceeds to analyze his behavior. He asks the tough questions of himself and comes to the conclusion that his low frustration tolerance (LFT) was a significant contributing factor as to why he did what he did. Similarly, he came to the conclusion that he could still practice unconditional self-acceptance (USA).

Another concept in the REBT scheme of things is unconditional other-acceptance (UOA). I often wondered what he thought of Wayne W. Dyer. Dyer's highly successful book, "Your Erroneous Zones," is largely an REBT book. Yet, Dyer only mentions Ellis once in it. I wondered from time to time if Ellis felt resentment toward Dyer. After all, that book launched Dyer on a successful career. Would Ellis resent his success? Would it be enough for Ellis to know that his system was reaching and helping others, even though that system was not properly acknowledged in Dyer's book? Well, I got the answers to those questions. His letter to Dyer, which addresses this failure to credit REBT, is a model in the art of being frank without being hateful. It exhibits UOA.

I was very impressed with how Albert Ellis dealt with all of his physical problems as he grew older. He really was committed to facilitating workshops and group therapy, as well as spreading the Gospel of Saint Albert, as he would say from time to time. His writings in the field of psychotherapy were truly groundbreaking. I have received much help from the insights of REBT and its application in my life. He was truly one of the great psychologists, and one of the great humanists, of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. He helped people to think rationally, and thereby have a better quality of life.

I first met Albert Ellis in 1986 when I came to see him for personal psychotherapy. At the time I was a Master's level counselor and a practitioner of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). My relationship evolved with Ellis through the years. He was my supervisor, then a colleague when we debated in print and at workshops, and I always considered him my friend. Although I moved away from REBT and adopted a solution-focused approach starting in the 1990s after I received my Ph.D., I always had a soft spot for REBT. In fact, I consider myself a recovering REBT therapist because I still have occasional relapses when I sneak in Ellis's techniques. So, I looked forward to reading "All Out," Ellis's long-awaited autobiography.

I strongly recommend "All Out" for experienced REBT therapists, clinicians who are new to the model, and general consumers. Ellis uses his own techniques to shamelessly disclose some of his own immoral behaviors, including teenage frotteurism and fathering three illegitimate children. The book includes many photos from Ellis's life that have never before been published. In addition, readers will gain a unique understanding of the theory and practice of REBT through Ellis's personal narrative.

I must admit that I was surprised to read and learn about some of Ellis's behavior, especially how he fathered three illegitimate children with a married woman while the woman's husband had no clue. I prefer not to explicate the details because they are quite involved and, anyway, I prefer to leave it a mystery for you. After reading the book, I felt more than disappointed in Ellis, who was my first mentor. But I quickly used the REBT on myself to dispute the irrational belief that Ellis should not have done such acts and that he was a bad person for doing them. I also gave up the idea that people, especially people whom I admire and respect, absolutely must live up to my expectations. Too bad! That's not the way the world is. I then felt sorry and disappointed in some of Ellis's behavior, but not him as a total human being. I could almost hear the late, great Albert Ellis say to me, "That's rational!"

He repeats himself at times...the book was published posthumously and could have used some tighter editing. These are miniscule concerns relative to the accessibility and engrossing nature of the ideas, the lucidity of most of the prose, the engagement and focus on understanding the key ingredients to psychological health, and the way in which Ellis's personal travails and conflicts informed his theories. The book is a gift to all of us.