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The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage: How Love Works Paperback – February 14, 2017

by Suzanne Venker (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 386 ratings
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As seen on Fox & Friends

"Ms. Venker's contribution to humanity, to families, to marriages, to women is huge." -- Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author of six New York Times bestsellers

"Suzanne Venker presents a refreshing guide to a happy marriage. While she takes aim at alpha females, the untold secret is that this book is for all women. The insights and advice she gives will save many marriages." -- Dr. Scott Haltzman, Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women

WHAT IF GIVING UP CONTROL MEANS GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT?

America is in love with the alpha female. She's the quintessential modern woman--assertive, razor sharp, and fully in control. Her success in the marketplace is undeniable, a downright boon to society. But what happens when the alpha woman gets married?

She becomes an alpha wife, of course.

An alpha wife is in charge of everything and everyone. She is, quite simply, the Boss. The problem is, no man wants a boss for a wife. That type of relationship may work for a spell, but it will eventually come crashing down.

Since 1970, just as women became more and more powerful outside the home--more alpha--the divorce rate has quadrupled. And it is women who lead the charge. Today, 70% of divorce is initiated by wives.

Do men just make lousy husbands? Not at that rate, says cultural critic and Fox News contributor Suzanne Venker. The truth is that women weren't raised to be wives. No one told them their real power lies in their femininity.

Being 'strong and independent' sounds good on the surface, but it often translates to being difficult--and no man wants that. There's an art to loving a man, and any woman can master it.

An alpha woman herself, Venker learned how to be a wife the hard way--through trial and error. Lots of error. And here's what she knows today: The set of skills a woman needs to pursue a career, or even to raise children, is the exact set of skills that will destroy her marriage.

The Alpha Female's Guide to Men & Marriage gives women who are used to being in charge the tools they need to make their marriages less competitive and more complementary. Part memoir, part advice, this brave book argues that while marriage is more challenging for the alpha woman, it's possible to find peace in your marriage.

In fact, it's easier than you think.

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  1. Print length
    176 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    February 14, 2017
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.4 x 8.25 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1618688448
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1618688446
  7. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“The Alpha Female's Guide to Men & Marriage is a smart and provocative book for women who've been raised to be independent at all costs or to be resentful of men and marriage. Using her own story as a model, Suzanne Venker shows how a simple shift in attitude is all women need to find peace with the men in their lives. If you're a woman who feels successful in life but unsuccessful in love, look no further. The Alpha Female's Guide to Men & Marriage is your answer!” -- Susan Page, relationship expert and author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together

“Suzanne Venker presents a refreshing guide to a happy marriage. While she takes aim at alpha females, the untold secret is that this book is for all women. She's lived it. She's studied it. And the insights and advice she gives will save many marriages. I love her passion for marriage, and so will you.” -- Dr. Scott Haltzman, Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association, and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women

“In The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage, Suzanne Venker shows that being an alpha female doesn’t need to interfere with love and harmony.” -- Shawn T. Smith, Psy.D., author of The Practical Guide to Men

“Suzanne Venker tells women how to be a full partner at home rather than the boss—and how to possibly save their marriages. Lively and sensible. A fun read.” -- John Townsend, Professor of Anthropology and author of What Women Want―What Men Want

About the Author

SUZANNE VENKER is on a mission to deprogram women from the toxic cultural influences that undermine their success in life and in love. She's the author of five books, a certified relationship coach, and host of The Suzanne Venker Show. Her work has appeared in countless publications, such as Fox News, the Washington Examiner, TIME, USA Today, and the New York Post; and she has appeared on many television and radio programs. Suzanne lives in the Midwest with her husband of 23 years. They have a son and a daughter, both of whom are in college. Her website is suzannevenker.com.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Post Hill Press (February 14, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 176 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1618688448
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1618688446
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 386 ratings

About the author

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Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker

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SUZANNE VENKER is the author of five books on the culture’s assault on marriage and the family (and how to circumvent it), as well as a marriage coach and podcast host of The Suzanne Venker Show. For over 15 years, Suzanne has taught women how to succeed with men in life and in love. She’s a leading voice for millions of women and men who know that a partnership with the opposite sex is superior to constant competition. Suzanne’s extensive research, combined with her sound and compelling arguments, dispel feminist myths that have infiltrated society and undermined women’s most important relationships. She has helped women:

• embrace the way men and women are naturally wired

• prioritize marriage and relationships over career

• express their unique value outside the marketplace

• enjoy the power of their femininity in sex and relationships

• build a lasting, satisfying relationship with a man

• build a flexible career that accommodates the needs of children and family life

Suzanne is a former columnist at the Washington Examiner and former contributor at Fox News. Her 2012 article, “The War on Men,” remains one of Fox News’ most read op-eds in history.

Suzanne’s work has also appeared in publications such as Time, USA Today, and the New York Post and has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, The Atlantic, Forbes, The Huffington Post and London’s Daily Mail.

Her TV credits include Fox & Friends, STOSSEL, The View, CNN, ABC and more. She has appeared on hundreds of radio programs throughout the country, and her work has been featured on “The Dr. Laura Program,” “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” and “The Rush Limbaugh Show.”

A former English teacher, Suzanne was born in St. Louis, MO, and graduated from Boston University in 1990. After ten years on the East Coast, Suzanne returned to the Midwest, where she now lives with her husband of 23 years and their two teenagers, who are now in college. Her website is www.suzannevenker.com.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
386 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book insightful, honest, and refreshingly traditional. They also describe it as an excellent, easy read with good insights.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

Select to learn more
InsightfulnessReading experienceReadability
47 customers mention "Insightfulness"43 positive4 negative

Customers find the book insightful, practical, and eye opening. They say it speaks truth, is based on biology, and does a wonderful job keeping the perspective. Customers also say it offers women a new perspective and an opportunity to renew their ideas about men.

"...thought process is indeed alpha- controlling and bossy, but it’s very practical and easy to read. I’ve found it helpful and insightful...." Read more

"Fantastic book! Practical and wise words for women today. Very applicable and frankly, necessary reading in today's society where our roles have..." Read more

"...She offers a refreshingly traditional view on women, men, and marriage and it does not disappoint...." Read more

"...that attracted those men to me was that I am fun, funny, direct, confident, I know what I want, I'm passionate about the things I believe in, I'm..." Read more

36 customers mention "Reading experience"36 positive0 negative

Customers find the book excellent, insightful, and fun to read. They also say it's brilliant work that helps them understand what they failed at.

"...Very applicable and frankly, necessary reading in today's society where our roles have nearly merged.. I know this book will greatly help my..." Read more

"...teaches us how to let them do that while still being the confident, successful, and direct women that we alphas are." Read more

"Good book. I have determined that my husband is more alpha then me, so its been very interesting to read. Have not read it all yet." Read more

"...been quite toxic but coming from the heart of woman, this publication is quite remarkable...." Read more

12 customers mention "Readability"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very informative and easy to read.

"...is indeed alpha- controlling and bossy, but it’s very practical and easy to read. I’ve found it helpful and insightful...." Read more

"...It is an easy to read book that I believe any woman could benefit from, whether married or single...." Read more

"Ms. Suzanne Venker wrote this Impressively written guide for today's "modernized" woman...." Read more

"...men and women and gives deep insight and practical advice in an easy-to-read manner...." Read more

Disgusting
1 out of 5 stars
Disgusting
If I could leave 0 stars I would. This is a ridiculous, mind numbing piece of literary drivel. I'm absolutely appalled that I spent time reading this and my IQ dropped numerous points. I (obviously) did NOT purchase this for myself and I'm floored by the people who do. An enormous step backwards for REAL LIFE. If you want to be a doormat, this is your book. If you want a man who has to earn respect, the same as you, then look elsewhere. Absolutely 100% waste of time and money. It's horrendous and disgusting. I cursed aloud numerous times.TL/DR: be a good submissive wife. Say yes to your husband. Smile. Wear heels and look feminine. Don't dare make more money than he and risk that precious male ego. Always say yes to sex. Manipulate him if he says no. That about covers the entire book. I wish I was kiddingI worry for this author. I seriously hope this entire book was satire.
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Top reviews from the United States

Tbaby
5.0 out of 5 stars Was necessary for me
Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2024
Verified Purchase
I hate and love this book. Hard pill to swallow for me…to hear the author’s points bc my thought process is indeed alpha- controlling and bossy, but it’s very practical and easy to read. I’ve found it helpful and insightful. I’m sure I’ll reread often on my journey to marital bliss and longevity.
2 people found this helpful
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Gail Heppner
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully, practical wisdom!
Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2017
Verified Purchase
Fantastic book! Practical and wise words for women today. Very applicable and frankly, necessary reading in today's society where our roles have nearly merged.. I know this book will greatly help my marriage as I seek to "rebalance" my marriage and subsequently enjoy the resultant harmony as I step back out of alpha when I get home from work. And to think that we have succeeded in creating successful, strong willed, well intentioned women who become wives. These wives, who by their very learned alpha nature, are inadvertently robbing their husbands of respect and masculinity, thereby resulting in the destruction of their marriages. It was eye opening to me to see the viscous cycle of pitfalls to our marriages when the modern, "strong"/alpha woman attempts, sometimes unknowingly, to take charge within her marriage still in her alpha work role. This is because, you read you simply can't deny biology for "equality" in the marriage, and the author does an incredibly good job of demonstrating this throughout the book. To deny these "built in" needs of the sexes is to sabotage your marriage. No one tells young women beforehand about this collateral damage they may one day experience or how to prevent it when society is actively telling these same young women they can do and be anything they want. Perhaps all career oriented women should be strongly encouraged to read a book like this before embarking on their chosen career fields. In doing so they can be educated about how to separate their controlling, alpha working women traits from their much needed relationship/marital beta roles when they come home, in order to maintain happy, fulfilling marriages. Thank you!!
9 people found this helpful
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Enceladus
5.0 out of 5 stars All women should read this!
Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2018
Verified Purchase
I had never heard of Suzanne Venker until a few weeks ago, but I was intrigued by her book reviews on Amazon, so I bought it.

And the darn thing went and changed my life!

She offers a refreshingly traditional view on women, men, and marriage and it does not disappoint. I realized that while I was a self-proclaimed anti-feminist, many of my views on relationships were decidedly feminist! It took a thorough reading of Venker's book to make me aware of my own hypocrisy.

I think the overarching theme of this narrative is the question: Can you be beta to your man’s alpha? Many women might say yes, but their actions/way of thinking will prove the answer to be a hard no.

I love that Venker doesn't say, 'This is the way you should do this, or the RIGHT way to do this'. She simply offers her perspective through her experiences and knowledge and allows the reader to draw her own conclusions. I think you will truly either love or hate this book. Many women—especially American women—will find that this book strikes a chord with them because of how we were raised. We were raised to be strong and independent while also subconsciously being taught that dependence or needing people, was a sign of weakness. So we shy away from that weakness because strength is an obviously more desirable trait to have. The problem with that fierce independence is that you're in a position of being the boss both at work and at home. But this can lead to another problem if you can't learn to turn it off: when you have to be the boss in your relationships (i.e., you have to be right, you have to have your way or you're not happy), that leaves little room for vulnerability. And without vulnerability, it will make it infinitely harder for love to take root between a man and a woman. Lust, sure. But love? Not so much.

The Alpha Woman’s Guide to Men and Marriage will force you to acknowledge some harsh truths about our expectations towards men and how our words and actions are likely providing a toxic environment for the love that we so desire to have. Many women feel righteous in their lists and all these things they require in a man, but are unwilling to acknowledge their own shortcomings or bring anything other than sex to the table. While sex is great, many alpha women find out the hard way that it’s not enough to sustain a healthy relationship or get them to the altar like they’d hoped it would.

Self-reflection is a hard thing to do because while it’s easy to point out other people’s flaws, it’s nearly impossible to honestly and objectively see ourselves as flawed or in need of change. Venker doesn’t shy away from this extraordinary and challenging endeavor. She doesn’t accomplish this by picking at the female ego (but let’s admit it ladies, we have one too and it is HUGE), she does it by dragging those ugly demons—Selfishness and Pride—out into the open and examining them with a frankness that’s rare. And it requires no small amount of courage on the reader’s part.

The thing I loved most about this book was how Venker challenged me to adjust my attitude. As it turns out, my pride and attitude towards myself, men and relationships did not align with the type of man I wanted—someone strong, driven, protective and loving. However, by adjusting my approach to relationships, I was able to find freedom in the simple fact that the only person you can change is yourself. And that’s only if you want to.

To be clear: this is not a book that says all women are wrong and need to change! Relationships are a two-way street. But I truly believe that by accepting most, if not all, of the points listed in this book, many women will find the love that they seek and be much more satisfied individuals. This book isn’t for everyone, but if you’re willing to tackle it with an open mind, I think you’ll find that love is something worth changing for.
23 people found this helpful
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shantastic
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read!
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2019
Verified Purchase
I'm sort of Alpha and this book had great advice for any married alpha female. It may make women that are super feminist angry, but it tells it how it is. Men are biologically wired to be a certain way and this book teaches you how you can tone down your inner bossy/opinionated/career woman ways in a way that will be feminine and attractive to your husband without trying to silence you either. You can still be alpha, there's nothing wrong with that, in fact all the serious relationships I've had, it was the main thing that attracted those men to me was that I am fun, funny, direct, confident, I know what I want, I'm passionate about the things I believe in, I'm proactive about the things that are important to me, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I'm sure if you are an alpha female too that you know that this way of being can either be extremely attractive or it intimidates a lot of men. I can understand why too. There is something biological in men that they feel the need to be providers and protectors and if we don't give them that opportunity, they feel useless in a marriage relationship because they feel they aren't fulfilling their role as a husband. This book teaches us how to let them do that while still being the confident, successful, and direct women that we alphas are.
34 people found this helpful
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Ms Blue
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book. I have determined that my husband is ...
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2017
Verified Purchase
Good book. I have determined that my husband is more alpha then me, so its been very interesting to read. Have not read it all yet.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Reine...
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome! A Must!! As a Christian woman...
Reviewed in Canada on March 8, 2022
Verified Purchase
Awesome! A Must!! As a Christian woman raised to be independent, I knew nothing about a good mariage. This book was awesome! It compLement beautifully all the knowledge the Lord gave me so far. Thank you Lord for the personal recommendation.

However, for Christians, I'd remind you of Psalms 127. Build with God! Otherwise, it is in vain and none of this will be applicable. She even specified her audience at the beginning. For married ppl for example, it applies to you if your husband is already a "good" man but you're struggling... Not the abusers, drunkards or else. So let the Lord lead you to those green pastures 😊

For me personally I would have LOVED a bible based version of this, with scriptures etc. but it was fine too.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A very useful book that more women (and men) should read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 26, 2017
Verified Purchase
Really makes you consider how you relate to people and reflect upon how people respond to you.
A very useful book that more women (and men) should read.
3 people found this helpful
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Manumit
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful and Helpful
Reviewed in Australia on February 14, 2017
Verified Purchase
This book got me thinking about how to better love my husband. Putting those thoughts into action brought us closer.
2 people found this helpful
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Kindle Customer
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 22, 2018
Verified Purchase
I brought this book as I believed it would give me tips on how to help my relationship as I tend to have controlling perfectionist traits instead I was met with the anti-feminist drivel of Trump's America. If you believe in feminism and gender equality please don't read this. Any book that tells someone to have sex with their partner despite what they are feeling should come with a warning.
5 people found this helpful
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Kerry
5.0 out of 5 stars Like Tinder
Reviewed in Canada on August 2, 2017
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Like tinder for a fire. Either it will burn your marriage to the ground or save it for decades. Awesome book.
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