Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Other Sellers on Amazon
+ $3.99 shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
Alphabet of Manliness Paperback – October 1, 2011
The Amazon Book Review
Author interviews, book reviews, editors picks, and more. Read it now
Frequently bought together
Customers who bought this item also bought
Lumberjacks, pirates, and Chuck Norris all agree that there is but one arbiter of manliness, and he has but one name: Maddox. The longtime proprietor of the absurdly popular website, The Best Page in the Universe, Maddox has thoughtfully collected his vast masculine wisdom for the first time in a useful reference work, The Alphabet of Manliness. Since men of course communicate with others only under duress, this book may be the sole resource for those starved for answers about basic manly subjects such as urinal etiquette, road rage, and beef jerky.
We thought that Neil Strauss, who chronicled his own transformation from "half a man" to a "Master Pickup Artist" in the one-of-a-kind bestseller, The Game, might be the perfect expert to assess Maddox's guide, and indeed, he came through with the sharpest take we've yet seen on the book, which you can read below.
Guest Reviewer: Neil Strauss
Over the past decade, Neil Strauss, former pop music critic for The New York Times, has established himself as the go-to guy for diarists of decadence, collaborating with rockers Marilyn Manson, Mötley Crüe (on the instant trash classic, The Dirt), and Dave Navarro, as well as porn star Jenna Jameson, on a series of witty and frank tales of celebrity excess. And then he stepped out on his own with one of our top-selling books of 2005, The Game, his bizarre, hilarious, and surprisingly uplifting memoir of joining a secret society of "Master Pickup Artists." Keep your eye out: he has many more smart and shocking projects on the way.
I am fully convinced after reading the entire A-Z of The Alphabet of Manliness that the author of its 26 essays, Maddox, is a nerd. And not just because he correctly alphabetizes the entries, but because he can recite the names of every Castlevania game, talks about hacking and IP addresses and various mathematical theorems, and has just spent way too much time analyzing in minute detail every aspect of the penis, its functions, and its influence on the male brain. However, Maddox's lack of bulging biceps may actually be a positive thing. Because having him become the symbol and policy-maker of all things alpha male just may be one of the most subversive byproducts of the Internet since file-sharing.
If you are new to the world of Maddox and unfamiliar with his website www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com, here's how you will react to the book: When you read the dedication--"to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me"--you will think for a moment that you have encountered one of the most unlikable narcissists in the world. When he calls a woman a "bitch" on page 2, you may actually begin to hate him. But if you stick with it, by the time you get to the middle of the book and are fully immersed in his over-active, over-systematic, testosterone-addled imagination, you will begin to realize that Maddox just may be the Andy Kaufman of his time, in possession of the driest wit you've ever encountered. The middle of the book also happens to be the home of Maddox's finest essays. In his contribution to the geek canon of Chuck Norris worship, he spuriously notes that Norris uses hippies as firewood, intercepts letters to Santa Claus to use as toilet paper, and eats "bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like pizza, but it's not because Chuck Norris doesn't want to give the Italians the credit."
In general, there are two types of humor in this book: things that are funny because they're wrong ("a pirate's semen is indestructible") and things that are funny because they're right (his entire essay on urinal etiquette).
By the time you get to his views on the quickie, in which he describes a sexual encounter with his girlfriend that involves her never showing up and him passing out drunk and getting robbed, you may be bookmarking his website. And by the time you turn to the last page, you'll be flipping back to the first, reading it again and looking for the jokes you missed because you were too busy being shocked, offended, and slightly titillated. In short, The Alphabet of Manliness just may be one of the smartest paeans to stupidity ever written. --Neil Strauss
What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the "hetrosexual."
Straight Is the New Gay
In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual.
Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay.
Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out:
|1. How much should you tip a hairstylist?|
|If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists.|
|The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof.|
|3. Which language do you speak?|
|The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much.|
|4. When dining at restaurant, you should|
|A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat|
|B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you|
|C) What's a maitre d'?|
|The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above.|
If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
About the Author
MADDOX is a native Utahn and the visionary author of The Best Page in the Universe. Once a lowly programmer for a telemarketing company, he now stands as a specimen of sheer masculinity and chiseled good looks. When he’s not found writing his own biographies in third person, he can be found writing articles for his website at: www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com.
Browse award-winning titles. See more
Top customer reviews
None of the chapters repeat jokes, though it's organic, which marks it out against similarly themed books. The humour changes throughout; just compare his chapter on Pirates (wonderfully bizarre) to Urinal Etiquette (completely accurate).
To say much more or to build up particular expectations would rob the joy of reading it yourself, it's worth the money, and isn't just for guys. Is it sexist, or otherwise un-PC? Of course it is, but never in a way that takes itself seriously. A chapter that seemingly advocates groping women, is definitely facetious, but I guess if you're gonna take stuff like that to heart when reading a book with a man punching a gorilla on the cover, then you were never gonna get it in the first place.
The revised edition contains some cool material, though the extra chapters on numbers are just nonsense. I was in tears though at his description of his grandfather and lionesses...
"The Alphabet of Manliness" is a love letter to masculinity. And Maddox's brand of satire just isn't nearly as funny when he is writing about something he adores. He still gets hot under the collar here and there, like "Y is for Yelling" and "Z is for Zombies." (the latter seems to be a bitter reflection on the archetypes of the workplace). But the rest of the book feels like something he struggled to write. You can read it very quickly, but there weren't many times I honestly laughed.
This book did not warrant a republishing either. I've read both versions and I really didn't think it was worth the extra ink and paper. His acknowledgements after the introduction inflated a great deal, and some of it borders on rambling. The chapters tacked on the end "The Numbers of Manliness," feel like something Maddox wrote in about 15 minutes. The artwork at the end of the book is okay, nothing revelatory. About the only thing I really enjoyed from this revised version was his tale of flunking a writing class in college and how he went on to become a best-selling author on Amazon.com. "I win" is the moral of his story. Classic Maddox.
The rest? Ehhh...visit your local library.
If you've read his material from the web page, you'll be instantly familiar with his style here as well. If you haven't, I strongly suggest you do, at least read the classics such as "I am better than your kids", and "A Tribute to real men" to get you in the "correct mood".
It's not to say that the book is mere extension of his web site, since many of his posts are rants about movies, celebrities, and different corporations and their services (or lack of them, to be more precise), and the book is entirely about a single subject. But trust me, it never gets boring. As a bonus, he has written another chapters about "Numbers of Manliness". Did you know that 616 is the manliest number ever? Why, you ask? Well, just read the book and you'll know.
A word of warning, though: you probably need to open up your mind a little before reading this book, since some of the material can be considered offensive. Not for me, however, I laughed all the way through. I would recommend this to every single man out there, regardless of age, and to women too, if you're not easily offended. Well, you can always skip the chapters called "C for Copping a feel" and "O for Obedience" :)
B for "Boners"
M for "Metal"
T for "Taunting"