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Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated) Kindle Edition
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We thought that Neil Strauss, who chronicled his own transformation from "half a man" to a "Master Pickup Artist" in the one-of-a-kind bestseller, The Game, might be the perfect expert to assess Maddox's guide, and indeed, he came through with the sharpest take we've yet seen on the book, which you can read below.
Guest Reviewer: Neil Strauss
Over the past decade, Neil Strauss, former pop music critic for The New York Times, has established himself as the go-to guy for diarists of decadence, collaborating with rockers Marilyn Manson, Mötley Crüe (on the instant trash classic, The Dirt), and Dave Navarro, as well as porn star Jenna Jameson, on a series of witty and frank tales of celebrity excess. And then he stepped out on his own with one of our top-selling books of 2005, The Game, his bizarre, hilarious, and surprisingly uplifting memoir of joining a secret society of "Master Pickup Artists." Keep your eye out: he has many more smart and shocking projects on the way.
I am fully convinced after reading the entire A-Z of The Alphabet of Manliness that the author of its 26 essays, Maddox, is a nerd. And not just because he correctly alphabetizes the entries, but because he can recite the names of every Castlevania game, talks about hacking and IP addresses and various mathematical theorems, and has just spent way too much time analyzing in minute detail every aspect of the penis, its functions, and its influence on the male brain. However, Maddox's lack of bulging biceps may actually be a positive thing. Because having him become the symbol and policy-maker of all things alpha male just may be one of the most subversive byproducts of the Internet since file-sharing.
If you are new to the world of Maddox and unfamiliar with his website www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com, here's how you will react to the book: When you read the dedication--"to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me"--you will think for a moment that you have encountered one of the most unlikable narcissists in the world. When he calls a woman a "bitch" on page 2, you may actually begin to hate him. But if you stick with it, by the time you get to the middle of the book and are fully immersed in his over-active, over-systematic, testosterone-addled imagination, you will begin to realize that Maddox just may be the Andy Kaufman of his time, in possession of the driest wit you've ever encountered. The middle of the book also happens to be the home of Maddox's finest essays. In his contribution to the geek canon of Chuck Norris worship, he spuriously notes that Norris uses hippies as firewood, intercepts letters to Santa Claus to use as toilet paper, and eats "bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like pizza, but it's not because Chuck Norris doesn't want to give the Italians the credit."
In general, there are two types of humor in this book: things that are funny because they're wrong ("a pirate's semen is indestructible") and things that are funny because they're right (his entire essay on urinal etiquette).
By the time you get to his views on the quickie, in which he describes a sexual encounter with his girlfriend that involves her never showing up and him passing out drunk and getting robbed, you may be bookmarking his website. And by the time you turn to the last page, you'll be flipping back to the first, reading it again and looking for the jokes you missed because you were too busy being shocked, offended, and slightly titillated. In short, The Alphabet of Manliness just may be one of the smartest paeans to stupidity ever written. --Neil Strauss
What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the "hetrosexual."
Straight Is the New Gay
In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual.
Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay.
Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out:
|1. How much should you tip a hairstylist?|
|If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists.|
|The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof.|
|3. Which language do you speak?|
|The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much.|
|4. When dining at restaurant, you should|
|A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat|
|B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you|
|C) What's a maitre d'?|
|The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above.|
If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.
--This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
About the Author
- File size : 5262 KB
- Publication date : August 31, 2009
- Print length : 220 pages
- Publisher : Citadel Press (August 31, 2009)
- Word Wise : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- Page numbers source ISBN : 080652720X
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Language: : English
- ASIN : B002NGBOWW
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Lending : Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #602,232 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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"The Alphabet of Manliness" is a love letter to masculinity. And Maddox's brand of satire just isn't nearly as funny when he is writing about something he adores. He still gets hot under the collar here and there, like "Y is for Yelling" and "Z is for Zombies." (the latter seems to be a bitter reflection on the archetypes of the workplace). But the rest of the book feels like something he struggled to write. You can read it very quickly, but there weren't many times I honestly laughed.
This book did not warrant a republishing either. I've read both versions and I really didn't think it was worth the extra ink and paper. His acknowledgements after the introduction inflated a great deal, and some of it borders on rambling. The chapters tacked on the end "The Numbers of Manliness," feel like something Maddox wrote in about 15 minutes. The artwork at the end of the book is okay, nothing revelatory. About the only thing I really enjoyed from this revised version was his tale of flunking a writing class in college and how he went on to become a best-selling author on Amazon.com. "I win" is the moral of his story. Classic Maddox.
The rest? Ehhh...visit your local library.
It gives you some points to ponder and is pretty much guaranteed to upset any and every kind of person imaginable on at least one page throughout the course of the book.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will be looking for similar ones. The author apparently has his own website which is in similar vein to this book which is now my new favorite website ever. Get this book you will not be disappointed.
First time i opened the book at breakfest I read and read til i realised i was 3 hours late for work. At one point I laughed so hard after a night out and eating spicey food that I ran to the toilet giggling and trying not to explode along the way.
This book is probably one of the funniest books ive ever read. If not the funniest. I've bought copies for my old man and my two best friends. I love how it offends women so much when it doesnt even refer to them personally, it makes the whole experiance rewarding everytime.
my friends dont have girlfriends now.
I have been a fan of Maddox and reading his perfection since the beginning.
This book is simply one more awesome thing by him.
Top reviews from other countries
First one came in a jiffy-bag and in good time. Bought it for my partner and he absolutely loves it. One of the pages came out when he started reading it, but no matter, it's a used copy so it's not a surprise. Still good and he is very happy with it. Keeps it on his bedside cabinet to have a little read and laugh before bed.
Second one was supposed to be a present, but it came in a plain grey plastic bag and the corners got banged up a little. That seems to be all, that's wrong with it.. I know the recipient will still be happy with it.
The book itself is funny, and also has funny images. I know some people here either praise it to the heavens, or despise it saying it's not up for 'standard'(whateverthatis), and not worth the money... Chill. It's a fun book. If you aren't sure you want to spend on it, try buying a used one.
One thing for certain, if you like Maddox's stuff, you will like this too.
I was sad.
After doing something necessary and trivial, like going for a pee – in the traps, I might add, as urinals would expose me for the non-man that I was - I would look in the mirror pensively (not unlike the music video for Aguileras’ ‘Beautiful’) and then spit on it after washing my hands because of my low testosterone and ballbag that resembled an oversized vulva.
I needed to do something. I needed help. I needed a reckoning. So I ordered The Alphabet of Manliness.
On receipt of this book and almost instantaneously upon opening, my Baxters dropped! They felt heavy, full, prolific...fruitful! My willy resembled butternut squash and as I stood proudly at a urinal – next to a black man who was built like Ving Rhames, I might add – I pulled my shoulders back and proudly sprayed and layed waste to everyone in my peripheral at the porcelain trough.
A tremendous book...a tremendous man. Thank you Maddox.