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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict Paperback – July 13, 2015
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Most people and organizations tackle common problems—disengagement, conflict, poor communication, and so on—by trying to change behavior. The problem is that a behavioral focus alone will not solve these problems. Why? Because they are driven by mindset. Through training, coaching, consulting, and a suite of implementation tools, Arbinger helps individuals, teams, and organizations achieve breakthrough results by shifting from the default self-focus of an inward mindset to the impact-focus of an outward mindset. Programs and methodology are based on four decades of research in the psychology of human behavior and experience working with organizations worldwide in the corporate, healthcare, education, government, public safety, and nonprofit sectors.
|Leadership and Self-Deception||The Anatomy of Peace||The Outward Mindset|
|Titles by The Arbinger Institute||This third edition of an international bestseller—over 2 million copies sold worldwide and translated into 33 languages—details how its powerful insights on motivation, conflict, and collaboration can benefit organizations as well as individuals.||The Arbinger Institute explores how we misunderstand the causes of our conflicts and shows us the paths to achieving true peace within ourselves, in our relationships, and even between nations.||The Outward Mindset helps individuals and organizations shift to a new mindset that will improve performance, spark collaboration, accelerate innovation, and make your life and the lives of everyone around you better.|
—Marion Blumenthal Lazan, holocaust survivor and bestselling author
“I loved Leadership and Self-Deception, and The Anatomy of Peace takes it to the next level, personally and professionally.”
—Adel Al-Saleh, President, IMS Health Europe, Middle East and Africa
“The most powerful tool I've seen for finding real, lasting peace—in families, organizations, communities, and nations.”
—Pamela Richarde, Past President, International Coach Federation
About the Author
- Publisher : Berrett-Koehler Publishers; 2nd edition (July 13, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1626564310
- ISBN-13 : 978-1626564312
- Item Weight : 0.035 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.73 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #115,748 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Some of my favorite quotes are:
"We can treat our children fairly but if our hearts are warring toward them while we’re doing it, they won’t think they’re being treated fairly at all....As important as behavior is most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of way of being."
"We first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. If we can’t put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without."
"And we have seen how one warring heart invites more "object seeing" and warring in others."...."No one can force a warring heart upon us. When our hearts go to war, we ourselves have chosen it."
"Because when I betray myself I create within myself a new need-a need that causes me to see others accusingly, a need that causes me to care about something other than truth and solutions, and a need that invites others to do the same in response."
"As painful as it is to receive contempt from another, it is more debilitating by far to be filled with contempt for another."
"A heart at war needs enemies to justify its warring. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it wants peace."
"Whenever we need to be justified, anything that will give us justification will immediately take on exaggerated importance in our life. Self betrayal corrupts everything-even the value we place on things."
"the more sure I am that I’m right, the more likely I will actually be mistaken. My need to be right makes it more likely that I will be wrong! Likewise, the more sure I am that I am mistreated, the more likely I am to miss ways that I am mistreating others myself."
"Difficult people are nevertheless people, and it always remains in my power to see them that way."
"Everyone I hated was always with me, even when I was alone. They had to be, for I had to remember what and why I hated in order to remind myself to stay away from them."
"It isn’t so much what you did as what you invited."
"Because most who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe they themselves have suffered. Which means that they are concerned not really with injustice but with themselves. They hide their focus on themselves behind the righteousness of their outward cause."
"It is not the sense of what to do but the desire to do it that’s at issue...When we have recovered those sensibilities towards others, we must act on them."
"You have the biggest influence in your children’s lives, so if we want to be a positive influence with your children we better have strong relationships with you."
"If we don’t get our hearts right, our strategies won’t matter. Once we get our hearts right, however, outward strategies matter a lot."
"Our passions, beliefs, and needs do not divide but unite: it is by virtue of our own passions, beliefs, and needs that we can see and understand others’. If we have beliefs we cherish, then we know how important others’ beliefs must be to them."
This was what the ideas about Black Panther protests came across like to me: "Black protestors and selfish/bad because they are not peaceful and accepting their oppressions. They have their heart at war. They are making life so much harder for white people. and do not think about it. And so even if the black protestors are the ones being beaten and tear-gassed, because they are not accepting their oppression in peace, they might as well be tear-gassing the white people/police." But the authors say this through the character of a Black professor. The authors are trying the deceptively insert a manufactured "credible-seeming" lone black perspective to seemingly vilify black protests against racism. "The one black person who is better than the rest of the black people since he has similar opinions to white people. And every black person should think like him". How do the authors know if every person in the protests had their hearts at war and not just doing "what needed to be done"? Aren't the authors showing that they are themselves in the box towards black protestors by stereotyping them and not seeing their human needs?
So while I think that many of the ideas in this book are useful, there seems to be a conservative agenda hidden as well that goes against the overall message of this book.
The biggest thing I got out of this book is to avoid treating people as objects and how to do that. It helped me understand how I was doing that and how to fix it, all the while telling me how in story form.
I have been angry lately.
I, like many other people, have been drawn into the ongoing angry bickering that is internet political 'discussion.' I read this book in an afternoon, and I immediately noticed a change. All the same inflammatory rhetoric is still being posted online, but it no longer provokes feelings of anger in me or a need to immediately fire back. I wish everyone on both sides of the political spectrum would take the time to read The Anatomy of Peace and take it to heart.