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Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice Paperback – April 1, 2006
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From the Back Cover
-Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life&
Do you (or does someone you know)&?&
--Apologize frequently or for things you are not responsible for?&
--Get preoccupied with what other people think of you?&
--Become unhappy when your partner isn&?t happy?&
--Feel worried or fretful so often it seems normal?&
--Often not know what you want?&
--Constantly second-guess yourself?&
Chronic Niceness affects multitudes, causing severe anxiety and depression, crippling self-esteem and undermining and destroying relationships.&
Anxious to Please reveals the primary psychological cause of Chronic Niceness-Anxious Attachment. Anxious Attachment drives the Nice Person to accommodate, acquiesce and avoid conflict. Nice People take what they&?re given rather than asking for what they want, often sacrificing relationships, careers and their own integrity.&
Anxious to Please presents seven powerful practices designed to bring about: resilient self-esteem; a happier and calmer emotional life; a reality-based optimism for the future; fulfilling sex; and satisfying relationships.&
About the Author
An avid learner, James draws from a diverse background that includes early career forays in the worlds of music, software engineering, theater, and religion, as well as even earlier exploits on the football field and wrestling mat. These days his wrestling is mostly limited to matters of the mind and heart, though he continues ot play piano, write poetry, and take the occasional raft trip down a northwest river. He has a private practice in Bellevue, Washington.
Craig English, M.F.A., is an award-winning writer with extensive experience in both nonfiction and fiction. He is founder of the much-published "Commoners" writing group in Seattle, Washington. A dynamic lecturer, teacher, and workshop leader, he draws from the wisdom traditions of both East and West to deliver a message that is warm, tough, funny, and poignant.
Mr. English performed as a professional actor for twenty-five years, with numerous credits on stage, television, and radio. He has cofounded such diverse projects as a groundbreaking Montessori middle school and a highly-regarded Shakespearean theater comapny. Among his interests, Craig counts hiking, kayaking, skiing, drinking tea, cooking, reading, and laughing.
Craig and James first met in 1965 on a grade school playground in Santa Barbara, California, and discovered that they shared a similar offbeat sense of humor. They have marked the stages of life together with comic books and ping-pong marathons, dreams of kissing the perfect girl and becoming rock stars, college hijinks and geographical relocations, through buying homes, raising children, and earning some gray hairs along the way. They are, forty years later, still best friends.
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Top Customer Reviews
The biggest thing I have a problem with is this book's self-professed foundation: "Awareness." All of these Western Buddhism-inspired books tell you to pay attention to every thought and feeling. You're not supposed to do anything with it; you're just supposed to neurotically obsess about every process that goes on in your mind. This is a problem first and foremost because a lot of what happens in your mind is meant to be automatic, without you thinking about it. It's true that any self-help books tries to help you change these automatic, hurtful negative behaviors, but that's the second big problem with this constant vigilance: You aren't given in-depth instructions in this book on what to do with these observations.
And, really, to tell a Nice Person or a codependent person to increase their vigilance is just cruel: We're all hypervigilant to begin with, so if one of our habits is to judge what we do - and it is - then this is only going to make things worse, especially in the short term. This book even issues you a warning that this practice will increase your anxiety in the short term.
Comparing this book to No More Mr. Nice Guy!, the latter is clearly superior. When I read No More Mr. Nice Guy!, I feel empowered, good -- better. I feel like my life is getting better the more I read that book. That's not the case with this book. And No More Mr.Read more ›
My husband also identified his father as one of the chronically nice, though he treated his wife very poorly. He gave big parties for extended family and acquaintances paying for literally truck loads of liquor. His dad also bought people (would be friends) gas for their cars. Generous to a fault? The family was not well to do, and his mother worked in a factory.
This book will, no doubt, give others insight into themselves and into friends and family. I suspect many people will recognize relatives, who might not have always been nice to them, but who gave away time and things to strangers in a quest to be liked.
Dana Paulinski MSW
Fortunately and unfortunately for me, my husband is a very assertive person...and just a couple of days after I first saw this book, he told me he can barely handle how I am like this, because he sees a stronger person in me.
When I read that it destroys relationships I thought 'Well, at least that part's not like me'...and was proven wrong 3 days later. I guess all I have to say is if you feel any way like I did, just do it: Get the book and look forward to the process. As cliche as it sounds, just admitting that I needed to work on some stuff in my life was a big step. But it doesn't require BIG steps. All you need is one little baby step at a time. I may not be MUCH better in 2 weeks, but check me out in 6 months...there will be progress :)
Good luck and God bless everyone out there
There's life to live so let's live it for once
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This went straight to the heart of my "niceness-" the reasons, thoughts, feelings, etc... Plus, it lays out simple exercises to stop the habit of jumping through everyone... Read morePublished 15 days ago by susan warren
This book delves deep into the "why" and "how" we get stuck in patterns that seem to have an iron grip over us. Read morePublished 16 days ago by Amazon Customer
I found the book extremely clear and powerful. Reading it, it was obvious to me that it stems from experience. Just beautifulPublished 2 months ago by T. MANETAS
This book is pretty good. It's very easy to read and opened my eyes on anxious attachment theory, which stems from "good enough parenting," yields anxious kiddos (and later... Read morePublished 7 months ago by Kasey
Not every tool is for every hand, but I have to say, this is the most useful tool I've ever found.
I bought this book many years ago, and I've been referring to it off... Read more