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Comment: This book has already been loved by someone else. It MIGHT have some wear and tear on the edges, have some markings in it, or be an ex-library book. Over-all it is still a good book at a great price! (if it is supposed to contain a CD or access code, that may be missing)
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Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong Paperback – May 2, 1994

4.6 out of 5 stars 220 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

The bestselling author of Secrets of Men Every Woman Should Know (1990) and How to Make Love All the Time (1987) now dissects bad love choices. Quizzes, lists, and anecdotes render De Angelis's sensible material in easy-to-swallow morsels. Early on, readers are asked to make lists of past lovers' worst qualities and then to write a want ad for a partner, highlighting the common themes (``WANTED: Self- absorbed, damaged loser who has lots of potential and is doing nothing with it....''); and possible roots for these perverse attractions in the childhood family experience are then explored. Readers count off ``the seven wrong reasons to be in a relationship'' (from ``sexual hunger'' to ``emotional or spiritual emptiness''); ``nine fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner'' (addiction, control-freak tendencies, sexual dysfunction); seven compatibility time-bombs, etc. Although the majority of the text deals with negatives, going on the theory that recognizing self- destructive habits is the major step toward overcoming them, De Angelis comments briefly on the attitudes and flexibility necessary for change. Those unsure of whether to commit may value the elaborate self-test offered here, leading to a numerical assessment of compatibility. Given a tolerance for lists and comfort with an approach that precludes subtlety, readers with histories of unhappy relationships may gain insight from this solid, well-organized advice. -- Copyright ©1992, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“Solid, well-organized advice.” –Kirkus
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Dell; Reprint edition (May 2, 1994)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440506700
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440506706
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (220 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #673,039 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This book is a wonderful exercise in learning about yourself and why you choose the partners you choose. After my last unsatisfying two-year relationship fizzled, I took the responsibility to figure out what what I was doing to attract all the wrong men (i.e., giving so much for so little return). Initially, after the break-up I spent a year dating without a "guide" thinking I just needed to meet the right one -- but how are you supposed to meet the right one when you don't know who the right one is? Just wanting someone faithful and honest is not enough to guide you. During that time, I found Dr. De Angelis' book and started doing the the different exercises. By the time I read the book and did the exercises, I more or less had a list of traits I NEEDED in a man (things I wasn't willing to compromise on). It was a painful process to realize the man I thought I loved before was so fundamentally wrong for me. I wanted to try and read into his bad behavior that he really care and that Dr. De Angelis was a multi-divorced individual who couldn't possibly be a role-model-and-what-did-she-know-anyway?? I made excuses so I could justify to myself to stay in this bad relationship. Well, fast forward nine years: I have been with the same man continuously for almost eight years and have been married for nearly three years. By the time I met my husband I knew exactly what I was looking for, and lo and behold if he didn't hit every single mark on the list. This isn't to say we didn't have problems, because we certainly have, but I entered into this relationship knowing that I had someone willing to work as hard as I was to make our relationship work.Read more ›
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
This is a good book with lots of practical advise, useful exercises and thought provoking material. It invites you to look at your patterns in relationships and provides good guidelines for avoiding unhealthy people and situations.

I particularly liked the section in this book on the importance of sexual chemistry. This section also includes a useful quiz for determining how much sexual chemistry you have with a partner. This may sound unnecessary, however, this particular quiz goes beyond mere sexual attraction and includes things that reveal sexual connection in the deepest sense of the word.

I don't necessarily agree with everything Barbara De Angelis says, but there is certainly a hefty amount of wisdom between the pages of this book. She is not just telling people what they want to hear either. This makes this title more than just another "feel good" self-help book on relationship.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
Although I have read a lot of self-help books, I usually scanned them for content, assumed I had mastered them, and put them away. I possess an MSW degree, and I am a writer who specializes in mental health issues, so I always thought that I "knew it all" when it came to understanding the dynamics of relationships. I thought I had figured out how and why I messed up my marriage, and where I had gone wrong with other relationships. Boy, was I mistaken! I had not even begun to fathom the patterns and complexities that led me to make so many poor decisions about men. This book helped me to put these issues into new perspective. I did all the exercises in the book meticulously, and read it thoroughly. It opened my eyes to things about myself I was unwilling to face, or that had simply escaped my attention. I have already avoided entering into some problematic relationships because I'm now aware of the "signals" that troubled men send out, and what these signals appeal to in me. I think I'm ready for a healthy relationship, and will know how to recognize one when it comes along.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The only reason it wouldnt do you any good, is if you dont have an open mind and you are not willing to look into yourself and better yourself.

I had so many epiphany's while reading this book....I had to put it down every few pages to reflect....I learned so much about myself and why I date the same kind of guys, and why I keep trying to help out emotionally volatile people...and I am not even more than 100 pages into it! My therapist didnt even get this far with me (and I started seeing him solo after my ex and I broke up...we were seeing him together)....its ridiculous how quickly into the book I was able to identify my pattern.....and the first step to changing things, is to identify what needs to be changed, and why you do what you do. Now I can learn to recognize it before I do it. I cannot save my mother from her unhappiness. I could not help her when I was a child and she took her unhappiness out on us girls... And I cant save other people from their unhappiness....I cant change people, even if my actions are to help only. I AM TO NICE. Some people are going to wallow in their misery no matter what sunshine I bring into their lives. This is my journey, and I am in the process of changing that about me. And she is right....our childhoods do program our personalities, and its our choice to reprogram it. We can make who we are. I had always known my childhood affect my relationships....I just didnt know how....or what to do about it....

I have read a few really good books about changing thoughts, which change emotions, which change actions....and this is by far my favorite one. I am far better of a person, and far more happy because of it. I have bought several copies and I hand them out...along with the book "Why men love bitches" I believe these are the kind of books and lessons that should be taught to every teenager. I would be far more successful and self assured if that had been the case.
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