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Erich Fromm

The Art of Loving Paperback – November 21, 2006

by Erich Fromm (Author)

1,646 ratings

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The renowned psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm has helped millions of men and women achieve rich, productive lives by developing their hidden capacities for love. In this astonishingly frank and candid book, he explores the ways in which this extraordinary emotion can alter the whole course of your life.

Most of us are unable to develop our capacities for love on the only level that really counts—a love that is compounded of maturity, self-knowledge, and courage. Learning to love, like other arts, demands practice and concentration. Even more than any other art it demands genuine insight and understanding.

In this classic work, Fromm explores love in all its aspects--not only romantic love, steeped in false conceptions and lofty expectations, but also love of parents, children, brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, and the love of God.

Print length

180 pages
Language

English
Publication date

November 21, 2006
Dimensions

5.31 x 0.43 x 8 inches
ISBN-10

0061129739
ISBN-13

978-0061129735
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Every line is packed with common sense, compassion, and realism.” (Fortune)

“Erich Fromm is both a psychologist of penetration and a writer of ability. His book is one of dignity and candor, of practicality and precision.” (Chicago Tribune)

From the Back Cover

The fiftieth Anniversary Edition of the groundbreaking international bestseller that has shown millions of readers how to achieve rich, productive lives by developing their hidden capacities for love

Most people are unable to love on the only level that truly matters: love that is compounded of maturity, self-knowledge, and courage. As with every art, love demands practice and concentration, as well as genuine insight and understanding.

In his classic work, The Art of Loving, renowned psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm explores love in all its aspects—not only romantic love, steeped in false conceptions and lofty expectations, but also brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, the love of God, and the love of parents for their children.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Perennial Modern Classics; Anniversary edition (November 21, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 180 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0061129739
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0061129735
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 4.8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.43 x 8 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #9,022 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #29 in Art Therapy & Relaxation
- #60 in Emotional Mental Health
- #86 in Emotional Self Help

Customer Reviews:
1,646 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		76%
4 star		12%
3 star		7%
2 star		2%
1 star		3%

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Top reviews from the United States

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Easy and Mert

A few insights, mixed with disgusting prejudices

Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2018

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This book contains some interesting insights, but unfortunately mixed with some vile personal prejudices of the author, especially his irrational belief that people who are not heterosexual cannot experience "real" love. It's all the worse because book tastemakers, and now a new publisher, portray Fromm as some wise Guru. He was part of psychological community that declared homosexuality to be mental illness, and he makes it quite clear in the book that he was very sure of himself on this point.
So while I say the book seems to have some interesting insights, Fromm's obvious prejudice gives readers good reason to be skeptical of an author claiming to have radical insights into love, who is so utterly devoid of understanding for anyone who doesn't share his sexual preferences.

221 people found this helpful

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Nathan Z.

Homophobic garbage

Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2021

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This book is filled with disgusting homophobic prejudice. Fromm puts forward lots of philosophies as though they are truth, but hardly shows any evidence. He mainly uses biblical stories or odd anecdotes to prove his point...

There are some comforting ideas and he does have a nice way of describing love as an action, but he really has no credibility as a philosopher after spewing that bigoted nonsense. This book should have been left in the 1950s where it came from.

36 people found this helpful

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Andrew D. Covey

Do Yourself A Favor And Read This

Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2018

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One of the most important books one can read, in my view. So much that I had always felt and believed about love was documented clearly and elegantly by Eric Fromm. It's amusing how one doesn't really know the ramifications, or at times even the exact substance, of their own thoughts until someone wiser than one's self puts words to these thoughts. The Art of Loving isn't a personality check list collection, relationship advice book, or a how to win friends and influence people guide ... those kinds of books will seem like trash can decorations once you've fully grasped the meaning of the material written in The Art of Loving. Said another way, this book talks about the real deal. In an age of divorce, distilled stupidity, victim mentality, and selfishness beyond comprehension this is exactly the sort of material we need to familiarize ourselves with. I can't recommend this book enough!

99 people found this helpful

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movie lover

A beautiful book.....

Reviewed in the United States on July 20, 2017

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I read this when I was 14, and now I'm 71. I was lucky enough to meet Erich Fromm when I was 19. I wasn't expecting to meet him, but he was being interviewed on a talk show where my friends were playing the musical entertainment. He was an adorable elderly German gentleman, I was thrilled to be a le to tell him how much this book meant to me when I read it.

And now, I'm going to be able to read it again!! From this end of the life span! I highly recommend this book and Fromm's other books as well....but this one for sure.....

69 people found this helpful

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M. DeKalb

1950's To Today, Still Relevant.

Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2013

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Published in 1956, the entirety of this work postulates love as an art, one which requires practice and for it to be successful a certain degree of attained maturity. As an art it requires knowledge and effort. Fromm makes allusions to modern cultures starvation for love - `trashy songs', happy and unhappy cinema - and states that most people assume it is something we `fall into' as opposed to the more realistic `standing in' and that a `mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality.' (265).

This is certainly a difficult read if you're not prepared, if you're not to some degree `mature' as Fromm posits. Also of notable difficulty are Fromm's concern with machination, automation and the anologies he draws from the capitalistic market unto man. It's easy to see how the two correlate, and I do feel it's an apt description, but I could also see how people unobservant to how our society functions might miss the parallels. Fromm is also very concerned with parables of the religious sort, which may deter some people from investing in the work as a whole, however, remember this is about `love', first and foremost. Something we all need to remain cognizant of and practice daily.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS:

In popular cultural belief being lovable means an admixture between being popular and having sex appeal. But because love requires a mastery of theory and then mastery of practice it takes much work and resultantly, many failures. The third part of love, after theory and practice, is that it must be a matter of utmost concern. It requires devotion to order its success as an art. Of our culture Fromm states `in spite of the deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love' (93). The ultimate goal of love is to overcome man's separateness from the rest of the world as `the deepest need of man, then, is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness.' (127) Fromm also speaks about relevant psychiatric issues and drug abuses that stem from too grand a sense of isolation from fellow man and the desire, more often than not, for conformity (read `Escape from Freedom'). However, aside from connections to the world through work, play, forced adherence to societal rules, or adopting the herd mentality, `the full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, of fusion with another person, in love.' (232).

Object vs. function - most Western culture sees love as easy, it's the object of love which is difficult, and often transient. The true function of love is meant to be separate from the object, for a person is not a thing as we see `things' in the Western world. Because of this love is treated the same as commodities on the market - buying into the best available option, then upgrading when the time is right.

Persons who `fall in love' and mistake this feeling for love, gradually begin to tire of the person and seek another such experience which they hope will endure, of this Fromm says `this type of love is by its very nature not lasting.' (74) Love is an activity, not a passive affect and it is `primarily giving, not receiving.' (286).

Prerequisites of maintaining love are a capacity to love one's neighbor, true humility, courage, faith and discipline. To these are the important practicable concepts of care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. Love is one path which can be utilized to know thyself, to know some of the secrets of the individual and thereby the secrets of humankind.

At the end of section one Fromm takes a shot at Freud for being too shallow, and for not investigating the occurrence of sexual-polarity present in both genders.

Fromm covers:
Love between parent and child - key to this notion are the ideas that a mother's love is unconditional and cannot be earned, if it need be earned then it is already gone. A child is loved because they are, because they exist, not because of any potentiality. This is part of a child's development until about the age of 10, at which point they transition to practice loving instead of just being loved. Fromm also differentiates the different types, paternal (training in the world, love on condition, `deserved' love) and maternal (again, unwarranted, unconditional love). An interesting postulate arises, that of `milk and honey' as it relates to the promised land (yes, Fromm gets quite theological at times). `Milk' is to represent the care and affirmation (a mother's milk) and `honey' is to represent the sweetness of life, the good feelings toward the world, an unjaded perspective, a happiness wrought from being alive.

Brotherly love - love that is given to the whole of mankind, for we are all in this struggle together.

Erotic love - that between two sexually exclusive partners, `it is also perhaps the most deceptive form of love there is.' (661) Most often after a stranger has become known and the `falling in love' phase is over, there is nothing further to learn and the relationship sputters out. For most the intimacy remains only in sexual contact. Erotic love `is exclusive only in the sense that I can fuse myself fully and intensely with one person only.' (693) It's sole premise exists in `that I love from the essence of my being - and experience the other person in the essence of his or her being.' (696) Loving a single person in this manner is a choice, a judgment and a promise, and because of the highly differentiated aspects between certain individuals and because of this Fromm states that an individual is neither wrong nor right in maintaining or dissolving a relationship that presents as unsuccessful.

Self-love - This is not to be confused with egoism or narcissism. To adequately love anybody, we must also and foremost love ourselves. It is not a crime to do so and in fact, if we don't love ourselves we are completely incapable of loving anybody else maturely - `love toward themselves will be found in all those who are capable of loving others.' (738)

Love of God - Fromm differentiates between the matriarchical and patriarchical forms of religion, with the matriarchy coming first. This again references the types of love each God would distribute toward his `children'. Fromm himself postulates that God is a non-interventionalist, and that most mature people would see it this way. He also delves into the paradoxical logic of being and not being at the same instance, an impossibility using rational, stereotypical logic. Most importantly, regarding religion and love in general - `a knowledge not in right though but in right action' is the way in which to determine all proper motive. In our Western culture, belief in God is a thought process, much less an action process.

Section III: The Disintegration of Love in the Western Society

Further elaborates upon the notion of love as a commodity which can be exchanged and traded much like current market trends. Fromm also touches upon the general disconcertion people have toward being alone, but failing to realize that from this place, only, can they truly love another person. Fromm also makes sure to point out that sex IS NOT love, nor is viewing a relationship as `team-work'. Disipline, concentration and patience and a great sense of humility are necessary here, as in love with all mankind.

Most importantly all of this practice requires faith. The ability to step outside yourself, release your story and just believe, blindly... very hard to do, must needs practice, hence love surely is - an art.

Quotes:

`There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.' (79)

`Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love. Where this active concern is lacking, there is no love.' (338)

`One loves that for which one labors, and one labors for that which one loves.' (349)

`Mature love says: I need you because I love you.' (514).

`If I truly love on person I love all persons. I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, "I love you". (584)

`One other frequent error must be mentioned here. The illusion, namely, that love means necessarily the absence of conflict.' (1255)

`Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence' (1265)

126 people found this helpful

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Kelly

Still relevant

Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2017

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Fromm's theory of love is thought-provoking and disheartening. I don't know that I agree 100 percent with his theory, but it certainly inspires me to move forward with some change in my own life. I find it incredible how relevant his analysis of society continues to be. He must be rolling in his grave over how disconnected western society has become to meaningful, focused, face-to-face interaction.

30 people found this helpful

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MJ

Only a few answers here...

Reviewed in the United States on October 23, 2019

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A short read with moments of genuine insight. However, the authors political views seem to be his reference point for every conclusion. The book in one sentence - Real love between a man and a woman is impossible in a capitalistic society.

13 people found this helpful

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C. Roberts

Not helpful

Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2019

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If you're not an analyst, this book is more psycho babble than life applicable. This was a total waste of my valuable time.

10 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

S P Mead

Beautiful reading

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 5, 2020

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Perhaps the most important - and beautiful - book I've ever read … This represents the culmination of Fromm's work, distilled into a single, unified argument: love is (or ought to be) the essential feature of human life. The premise of this book, together with its key tenets, is of primary importance. While some minor aspects of this work are now dated, it remains - for the most part - a timeless classic. This book offers guidance concerning how to understand and practice loving relations. Although quite short, the reader is nonetheless presented with a wealth of knowledge. It's written for the layperson, and doesn't require any expertise.

11 people found this helpful

Stefan cristian

Amo ergo sum :-?

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 22, 2021

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I like how you don't get a definite answer.

While there are many ideas with profound ramifications about one's existence you will undoubtedly find in this book, the bit that really made me ponder on the subject is how Erich disects the history, the archetypes, the misunderstandings and the application of love. You will find references to the bible and references to capitalism, and these optics are welded to define context for how "love" strolled through centuries and carried humanity forward.

Before deciding to read this book I urge you to write down your own understanding on the topic. Then read the book and read back your old understanding as you might be surprised or even feel in a certain way.

Last but not least, the author breaks down the mastery of the art of love, where "practicing discipline, concentration and patience throughout every phase of life" is a prerequisite. I disagree with this part, i think these prerequisites are actually amplifiers, but not sine qua nons for mastering the art. But that's exactly the reason i give this book 5 stars, because it challenged my ego and I've ended up learning not only about the "art of love" but maybe even more about the "art of being". After all, isn't love a by-product of being alive?

One person found this helpful

Moonielassie

Not at all what I expected

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 26, 2021

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It was difficult to read this book because I just couldn't connect with it at all. Very old fashioned way of thinking, sexist at times. They lost me at mentioning religion and god, which completely discredits the book in my eyes automatically. Wouldn't recommend, unless you believe in Adam and Eve

2 people found this helpful

Pete

A very interesting look at love in all its forms

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 30, 2012

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I was a little worried the content of this book would be beyond me (having no background or formal education in any of the core subjects such as philosophy, religion and psychoanalysis) but it turned out to be a riveting read. At times a little heavy and requiring a re-read of some paragraphs it nonetheless avoids any jargon and seems to do a good job of justifying all of the points made.

It is at heart more a book about what love can considered to be rather than a manual on how to love better. The latter being given only a short section at the back and concentrating on techniques not unlike meditation (mostly along the theme of living the life that is now, being open in spirit and being honest with yourself, who you should learn to love first).

The descriptions of various types of love and what can and does go wrong in childhood are fascinating. I am sure most of us see some of our own lives described. It also touches on sexual deviance as a result of lack of love or avoiding love, plus the impact of both modern society and religion on our capacity to love. I'd particularly credit the author on the chapter on religious love which covers so much ground in such a short space without becoming overly technical.

This definitely isn't a quick fix self help book on how to love better - but as a deep, meaningful and comprehensive journey into what love actually is, a superb read.

32 people found this helpful

Elena Chen

Great 3/4 of the book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 7, 2017

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Great 3/4 of the book, then hits this "religion" section which does not seem coherent with the rest of the book, made the remaining sections of the book difficult to read. Could just skip the chapter on religion and read the rest, rest of it is well written and does have insights on self love

8 people found this helpful