The Art of Mingling: Easy, Fun and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room Paperback – August 15, 1992
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About the Author
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If so, then THE ART OF MINGLING--written and read by Jeanne
Martinet--is the book for you . . . you'll learn dozens of field-tested
tricks, tips and lines and maneuvers that will help you in any
I thought I knew a good deal about the subject, but even I
was reminded of some useful things from listening to the CD
version, including these tidbits:
* Your primary goal at any gathering should be enjoyment.
* Pretend to be happy wherever you are. An amazing thing will
happen. You will actually feel that way.
* Practice your mingling skills on the socially challenged; e.g., a party
misfit who appears lost.
* A good question that works as an opening line: How'd you get
here? (Ask with a smile.)
* Never, never use: What do you do for a living? It could be a real
* Offer to help others get food and drink.
* You never have to mingle with a drunk unless you want to. To remove
yourself a simple "excuse me" is fine.
* Avoid political discussions. You're not there to solve the world's problems.
Only one thing bothered me about Martine's book--her belief that it's OK
to lie . . . I think that such a practice should be avoided, if at all possible.
Also, much of the book is written from the writers immature, insecure self sense of worth. She give's an abundance of advice written from a bitter and immature point of view. For example, she writes "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you we're human" and even wrote about paying someone $5.00 to someone drunk to pour a drink on somebody who was very rude and arrogant to you. She also states countless instances of flat out lying rather than teaching the truth of being assertive and honest. One of her exiting techniques is to grab someone you know and pull them up and into a very dull and annoying person just to escape. Who would do that to a friend? I could go on, but do not want to waste anymore time. Please do not buy this book.
Also for those users who encourage others to just "be themselves", this does not work for most people. I myself often feel overly-cocky in social situations, and feel that because I am fabulous people should want to come talk to me, or eventually will. This is a twisted, narcissistic logic, and never works as I have often employed these tactics at parties and have wound up spending most of my time alone. Jeanne's book has taught me to re-channel my outgoingness in a positive way and has also reminded me to pay more care to those who I am attempting to mingle with - many of her tips are reactionary to people you HAVE to mingle with, and people you don't care for. She doesn't cover it as much, but by all means if there is someone you hit it off with or enjoy their company then good for you! Be yourself! Don't lie! Truly be invested in what they have to say!
If you do not like Jeanne's specific tactics (with which she provides ample examples) then at the very least she teaches you to be comfortable with being equally vulnerable (as most people are at parties) as well as comfortable with taking charge of your own social situation.
I believe that Jeanne deserves many stars for her work. She is quick minded and funny and I can see her tactics working in many social settings for many people. I just don't agree with the negative comments about her work, especially about telling "white lies"... she promises to teach you to be a good mingler, one whose sole purpose is to survive and even have fun in slightly-awkward social situations. If you want to learn to make people like you forever or make true friends and "be yourself", read some other book...although I doubt that tactics of using flattery or white lies in initial contact to win someone's favor will be any different