- Paperback: 240 pages
- Publisher: Perfectbound Press (May 20, 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 098236931X
- ISBN-13: 978-0982369319
- Product Dimensions: 7 x 0.5 x 10 inches
- Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 13 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #665,197 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves
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From the Publisher
The relationships presented in Ask the Man Who Owns Him are different from the Master/slave stereotypes of erotic fiction. They're also different from what you may find in how-to books and Internet postings on the subject. Instead of reading what a single writer says this lifestyle "should" be, discover what a generous sampling of gay Masters and slaves are actually doing.
Most striking is how different these relationships are from each other. Tradeoffs are made, deals struck, and power exchanged in ways that work for these unique individuals pursuing their respective dreams.
Who should read this book? Anyone who's wondered if being a Master or slave is right for him, or who wishes to understand this lifestyle better. If you've read the fantasies and felt something was missing, or tried the experts' prescriptions and found them wanting, this book is for you. Ask the Man Who Owns Him describes real-life strategies and tactics for success as a Master or a slave.
From the Back Cover
Joseph W. Bean, the famed BDSM author, teacher, and leather community organizer, says in his foreword: "No other book has accomplished what this one does. In these pages, you will discover that living as Master or slave means defining that life for yourself. Here, the man who is considering an M/s life, or living one and wondering if he is doing it 'right,' finds that 'right' and 'wrong' are not the operative terms. Good Mastery, good slavery, and good M/s relationships are the ones in which the men are true to themselves, living lives that are rewarding to both Masters and slaves."
Top customer reviews
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First, this isn't "Gay 101", this is about a subset of the gay lifestyle that may only be familiar to others as part of erotic fiction or fantasies. This is about real life, how men have arranged theirs in a non-traditional way and make them work. This is about domination and submission, however else you may define or label it. This is about men who consenually agree that one will take the leadershipt role and the other will forever be the obedient foot soldier doing as told. This is NOT about two guys who meet in a bar and, over time, decide to live together, fight together and break up together. This is about committed, steady relationships of long duration that were reached by almost old fashioned methods, the ones where attraction leads to gettting to know you and thence onward. There are ground rules for these relationships that go far from a "normal" pairing of two persons. This is about the pleasure and viability of one person needing to submit and the other fulfilled by knowing he is treasured, respected and has the loyalty of another for the simple reason of his existence.
You should not read this book if A. You're looking for a thrill or some esoteric erotic thrill, you won't find it. B. You are looking for a reason to criticize a particular form of the gay culture and life style, you will doubtless find what you're looking for and so if all you want is a further reason to criticize that which you do not understand, go away. C. You do not have a genuine understanding of relationships that are underpinned by deeply rooted psychological necessities as well as love.
It is a book about the abstractions of love, carefully considered, explained and examined. The authors use their own experience as the fulcrum to observe others without prejudice, just facts found and carefully displayed.
To the genuine reader, one of intellect and curiosity, even without a grounding in "gay-ness" you may well learn things about yourself, how you actually function in your relationships. It may be revelatory, it well may be helpful in many ways where impersonal interactions take place but with a goal in mind. It may be that you find why you need to dominate in a meeting or are content to give in to another. After all, some basic patterns of behaviour exist in all areas of life, this book just takes the reader into a darkened corner and sheds some light.
This book is built around a collection of interviews with gay Masters and their slaves. It provides a fascinating glimpse into a world most people never encounter except through porn - and this shows us just how far the reality is from porn. These are real men, warts and all.
There is much that is extremely honest and revealing here, but nothing pornographic - it is about how these men have managed to build and maintain their lives in a way that makes sense to them. One of the striking things is just how different each couple is, and how far removed they are from the stereotypes that might first come to mind. These are real men, who love and care for each other - but just not in a way that most people would relate to.
The writer shows real skill in the way he elicits stories from the men, he lets them speak, but is also able to pull out the key themes from each one.
This is a fascinating piece of unexplored gay social history. Even if you're not into this world yourself, I am pretty sure you'll find it a great read and insight into this world.
I consider myself to be new in the D/s dynamics, and my husband, a Daddy-in-training, really enjoys the new connection with me but otherwise he wouldn't go out and seek it. Guess how surprised I was that book actually covered a couple in the similar situation.
Both my Daddy and I are somewhat intimidated by other literature out there - yea, it's hot and exciting, but it's not sustainable and real (and let me tell you, reality can be more mind blowing that all fantasies combined). So, my immediate reaction was 'honey, you should read this, there are others like us'! Besides being a huge reassurance, there are tons of ideas and D/s relationship tips you can pick up. I just wish I had this book when Daddy and I started.
I also believe that this book will be tremendous read for more experienced D/s readers.
The book helped me reaffirm my needs and desires, as well as my commitment to be a contributing man in the D/s, Master/slave, Daddy/boy, etc. community.
Thank you David and david for your fine work.