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The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome Paperback – October 15, 2012

by Jennifer Cook O'Toole (Author), Brian Bojanowski (Illustrator)
4.7 out of 5 stars 1,273 ratings
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Being a teen or tween isn't easy for anyone -- but it's especially tough for Asperkids. I know. I was one, I taught a whole bunch, and I am going to be raising three! That's also why I know that Asperkdis deserve their very own guide to all of the hidden social rules that are awfully confusing to us, even if they seem obvious to everyone else. "The Asperkids' (Secret) Rule Book of Social Rules." This isn't your momma's Emily Post, and there is no "don't do this" finger-wagging or patronizing "high and mighty preaching" here. Instead, the "Secret" Book gives Asperkids (aged 10-17) respectful, funny insights written "for Aspies by an Aspie." Chock full of illustrations, logic and even a practice session or six (in comic strip style, thank you very much!), this is the handbook every adult Aspie wishes we'd had growing up, but never did.
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  1. Reading age
    10 - 13 years, from customers
  2. Print length
    280 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Dimensions
    5.98 x 0.63 x 8.9 inches
  5. Publisher
    Jessica Kingsley Publishers
  6. Publication date
    October 15, 2012
  7. ISBN-10
    1849059152
  8. ISBN-13
    978-1849059152
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Editorial Reviews

Review

  • WINNER! AUTISM SOCIETY AMERICA BOOK OF THE YEAR
  • ABOUT.COM READERS CHOICE RUNNER-UP
  • AUTISM/ASP. DIGEST TOP 15 LIST
  • AUTISM SPEAKS TOP FAMILY LIST
BEAUTIFUL BALANCE OF CELEBRATION AND TANGIBLE TOOLS - SHE GETS IT!This book & their author, are world changers... when I reach for support, need a lifeline, some encouragement, HELP, SOS, Jennifer...offers solid steps...celebrating Asperkids just as they are, while offering a survival guide to help us navigate the complex social world. Jennifer is brilliant AND she "gets it." That means everything.--Kelly (MOM)

A-HA! Hope in a BookAs the illustrator of this book, I love the illustrations! Kidding. My favorite part of "The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules" is the "Ah... I see" or "Ah-ha!" moments I had as I read and grasped each concept. Jennifer has a special gift in communicating through stories that all of us (both on and off the spectrum) can easily relate to and take something away from. (And I love the illustrations.) :)-Brian Bojanowski

Book Description

Top secret guide to the hidden social rules of making friends and conversation, for teens and tweens

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 1st edition (October 15, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1849059152
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1849059152
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 10 - 13 years, from customers
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.98 x 0.63 x 8.9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 1,273 ratings

About the author

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Jennifer Cook O'Toole

Jennifer Cook O'Toole

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Links You Want to Keep Handy:

*JENNIFER O'TOOLE, AUTHOR: www.JenniferOTooleAuthor.com

*ASPERKIDS, Jennifer's Cache of Instant Downloads, Common Sense Ideas.., & Awesomeness:

www.Asperkids.com

*WIKIPEDIA:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Cook_O%27Toole

**Social Media

*Speaking Geek YOUTUBE series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEYKhD09OsuBRB7ScqJ1g-ho2sym7pQWN

* Speaking Geek (audio) PODCAST on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/speaking-geek/id1021015570?mt=2

*FACEBOOK: www.Facebook.com/Asperkids

*TWITTER: www.twitter.com/Asperkids

Smart. Lively. Cheeky. A global conversation-starter with a doppleganger Sesame Street muppet. That’s Jennifer O’Toole, author of the "Asperkids" series and “Sisterhood of the Spectrum,” the award-winning, best-selling autism-related book collection in the world, and the highly-anticipated “Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life of the Spectrum,” already named a “Top Amazing Feminist Book of 2018,” received a starred review from Booklist, and is an Amazon #1 New Release.

At the age of thirty-five, Jennifer O’Toole was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (autism), just after her three young children had been similarly identified. It was 2011, and for the first time in her life, things made sense.

They made so much sense, in fact, that now, Jennifer is the winner of the Autism Society of America’s 2014 Outstanding Literary Work of the Year and the 2012 Temple Grandin Award for Outstanding Global Contributions, was named one of the 50 Most Influential Women in North Carolina and 25 Most Amazing Autistic Women, is a recipient of GRASP’s Distinguished Spectrumite Parenting Medal and the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s Women Inspiring Hope and Strength Award, was named AuKids Speaker of the Year, and has been celebrated by Disney’s Babble and The Mighty. She is “Ask the Expert” columnist for healthline.com, a featured columnist for Spectrum Woman Magazine, sits on the Professional Panel of the Autism Society of America, and is a go-to editorialist/columnist for Amy Poehler’s girl-power juggernaut, “Smart Girls at the Party.”

From her own struggles and self-discovery, Jennifer has built an empire of empowerment. She’s been invited to speak on Capitol Hill, and to the President’s Council on Fitness at the White House Summit on Americans with Disabilities, was the Guest of Honor of Their Royal Highnesses, the UK’s Princess Sophie and Princess Marie of Denmark. She and was added to the “Who’s Who” list of International Aspie Mentors — along with Temple Grandin and Stephen Shore – to contribute to Dr. Tony Attwood’s “Been There. Done That. Try This.” anthology. Jennifer’s unique “have a cup of coffee with me” conversationalist presentation of useful insights has touched hearts, lightened spirits, and broadened minds around the world.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
1,273 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book helpful for everyone, particularly as an awesome tool for school counselors, and appreciate its concise and easy-to-understand writing style. The book is well-suited for kids, with one customer noting how children enjoy looking through it, and customers report having great conversations about its content. They consider it well worth the price.

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111 customers mention "Information quality"109 positive2 negative

Customers find the book helpful, particularly for school counselors, as it teaches important lessons and provides guidance on social cues. One customer mentions it serves as a great reference for Asperkids.

"...Out of all the books I could find, this one had the most practical information written in an age-appropriate way for a kid in the middle school to..." Read more

"...This is the best: it makes sense, teaches important lessons - and makes you smile when reading it. My son, who is on the spectrum, loves it...." Read more

"...And it help's him to understand and also back up that I am not a crazy person, these things are actually common knowledge among NT's...." Read more

"...It was still very soothing to hear someone else explain some of my hunches and and observations. I felt validated and reinforced...." Read more

61 customers mention "Readability"52 positive9 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and understand, describing it as concise and relatable.

"...book is probably best for kids in at least middle school, with solid reading skills...." Read more

"...and a set of "rules" for behavior formulated in readily accessible language, with the main points in bold...." Read more

"Many quotes and examples throughout the entire book!" Read more

"...The language is not clinical or condescending, it is relatable and written from the viewpoint of someone who 'gets it' as she has dealt with similar..." Read more

11 customers mention "Book for kids"11 positive0 negative

Customers find this book suitable for children, with one mentioning that children enjoy looking through it, while another notes it makes the content fun and provides remarkable lessons for smoother social interaction.

"...It is also probably going to be best for kids who have a lot of trouble understanding *why* social rules are important...." Read more

"This book is a great way to start a friends discussion with my child on the spectrum...." Read more

"...It's common sense and entertaining for sure!..." Read more

"...The author speaks in a conversational voice and makes the book fun and the information understandable...." Read more

6 customers mention "Conversation quality"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's conversational approach, with one mentioning it provides helpful words from the heart, while another notes it presents a litany of social hints and cues.

"...The book is very "frank" and presents a litany of social hints/cues that Aspies will find interesting...." Read more

"...No clinic-speak, just hopeful and helpful words from the heart. Highly recommended." Read more

"...It feels like she puts her arm around the teen, and shows things to say and do to make life better. There is a wealth of helpful advice here!..." Read more

"...She really does a great job of discussing, explaining, and exploring the world of spectrum kids." Read more

5 customers mention "Value for money"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well worth its price.

"...If it only helps him cope, it is well worth the price of 2!..." Read more

"...Best $20 I've spent on a book!" Read more

"...for this book, and the opportunity given to me by Goodwill to save money. Thank you so much" Read more

"...available in bulk packs at reduced rates...definitely of great value to teachers as well as all family members and the Aspies themselves." Read more

Great guid book!
5 out of 5 stars
Great guid book!
Many quotes and examples throughout the entire book!
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Top reviews from the United States

  • KEU
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource for autistic kids
    Reviewed in the United States on September 10, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    I am myself autistic, but I bought this book for my younger cousin who is in her first year of high school. Out of all the books I could find, this one had the most practical information written in an age-appropriate way for a kid in the middle school to high school range. It is written to explain basic rules for kids who really struggle understanding social conventions. A few topics probably require further discussion (for example, the author claims that it is a social rule for children to not question adults, which I disagree with), but it is overall accurate, and a good basic "primer". All of the topics are explained in a way that I, as an autistic adult with relatively good social skills, find accurate. The author also did a good job of selecting which topics kids are likely to struggle with. My cousin apparently found it fascinating, and was running back and forth all day checking with her mom as she read about a new social convention that she had never realized was important.
    This book is probably best for kids in at least middle school, with solid reading skills. It is also probably going to be best for kids who have a lot of trouble understanding *why* social rules are important. The author has another book written specifically for autistic girls, but from reading the preview it seems to be aimed at older and/or more mature teenagers than this one is. I am happy with my purchase, and out of many books I have read, this is definitely one of the better ones intended FOR autistic children and teens. It definitely helps that the author has Aspergers herself!
    83 people found this helpful
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  • Alan Dunlavey
    5.0 out of 5 stars By far the best book on social mores for anyone on the spectrum - or even for the socially awkward neurotypical!
    Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I've bought a lot of books on social behavior for teens for my son. This is the best: it makes sense, teaches important lessons - and makes you smile when reading it. My son, who is on the spectrum, loves it. Each chapter provides a section on the logic of the topic from the point of view of someone on the spectrum, an example, and a set of "rules" for behavior formulated in readily accessible language, with the main points in bold. For example, the chapter on "Thank you" explains why thanking people is important from an operation point of view (it makes people feel good about you because you have shown that you value what they do for you, so they are more likely to do things for you again), a rule (if you think that it might need to thank someone, then you should), and then gives an easy but valuable formula for how to thank people: "Notice (what someone did for you), Tell (them how it made you feel), Thank". The shorthand "NTT" is a cue I can subtly give my son to help remind him give an appropriate and meaningful thank you, which he does increasingly well. And ... I'm a middle-aged "neurotypical", and I'm learning a lot from it, too.
    9 people found this helpful
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  • Maggie
    5.0 out of 5 stars Finally! A book to help him!
    Reviewed in the United States on April 25, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    I do agree with some of the reviewers here, that this book does not seem to be directed towards children, maybe high school children. I got this book for my boyfriend. He just found out that he is on the scale and is playing catch up with a ton of things. When I found this book, I read the sample part online. It sounded perfect! I am here to tell you, not only could this apply to an aspie adult, this could apply to anyone who has ever had social skill difficulty on any level. I just love that this exists. It has taken so many of the things that I have told him and more and put them all in a convenient book. And he understands. This book is helping the both of us understand one another better. It helps me to have some insight into how to explain things to him in a way he understands. And it help's him to understand and also back up that I am not a crazy person, these things are actually common knowledge among NT's. and I just know this is going to make his everyday life so much easier
    29 people found this helpful
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  • Me
    4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful tips for teens with ASD
    Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    OK, I admit I felt some misgivings as I realized the book was written by a former "sorority girl" -- I wondered how I could ever relate to her perspective or advice. However, the book presents tips and advice that should prove useful to just about any person struggling to learn social norms. I especially appreciated the portions devoted to bullying and identifying female bullying. One piece of advice in particular, about distinguishing between "tattling" and "telling" was most helpful to me.
    I think I would have benefited most from this book if I had actually read it as a pre-teen or teen. Since I am now in my late 30's, I have figured many of these things out the hard way, just as the author did. It was still very soothing to hear someone else explain some of my hunches and and observations. I felt validated and reinforced.
    Something that bothered me about this book was the heavy references to How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I recently read this book as well and found it deplorable. The author was a fraud (check him on Wikipedia) and the book is written essentially to manipulate business people into giving you what you want based on leveraging your social ability/pretending social intimacy or friendship. There is good general advice in the book for being friendly, but the overall scope is morally questionable. I found it strange that this author chose to quote Carnegie's work so often and so enthusiastically. I could perhaps stomach one or two references, but more than that seemed suspicious.
    Some of the advice was just out of touch, for example, suggesting that Aspie teens just have their hands and nails professionally groomed at a salon, so they wouldn't have to worry about it. As a pre-teen and teen, I was lucky to have tattered hand-me-down underwear with holes in it. I'm now a college professor, and I've still never visited a salon. I could probably afford it now, but it would mean cutting into some other area of my budget. This author clearly comes from another world.
    Ditto clothing advice. Reading her suggestions for teens was a bit surreal.
    I loved how she repeatedly affirmed the value of quirkiness and that people, including romantic partners, would love you for your unusual characteristics.
    Bottom line: I would recommend this to pre-teens and very young adults with ASD or some other social impairment. If you are further along in your life, you may find it too predictable and benefit from other books, such as Asperger's on the Job by Rudy Simone (it has a lot of advice for other areas of life besides a career, and a good overview of what it means to have ASD).
    49 people found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great guid book!
    Reviewed in the United States on May 13, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Many quotes and examples throughout the entire book!
    Customer image
    Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    Great guid book!

    Reviewed in the United States on May 13, 2024
    Many quotes and examples throughout the entire book!
    Images in this review
    Customer imageCustomer image
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
    Reviewed in Canada on April 24, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Very well written and inspiring. A must-read for Asper kids and their parents.
    Report
  • Cheerioh
    5.0 out of 5 stars Des conseils et encore des conseils, pour les jeunes aspies par une aspie maman d'aspie et qui sait expliquer simplement
    Reviewed in France on June 7, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    Je conseille ce livre qui pour une fois ne s'embête pas avec le quoi donc et le pourquoi et s'attache à donner des conseils pratiques issus des stratégies mises en place par leur auteure au fil des années. Le livre est organisé de manière à donner des conseils rapidement, avec des règles de base à suivre (un mode qui convient très bien, c'est limite comme des recettes), quelques explications et des exemples concrets pour les choses qui, dans les relations humaines, posent problème aux aspergers.

    Je l'ai acheté pour mon fils et il est facile à utiliser :
    _d'abord une liste de règles à suivre
    _des chapitres reprenant chacun un ensemble de règles selon les thèmes abordés
    _des explications et des exemples
    _des démarches détaillées pour pouvoir exploiter les conseils de ce livre.

    Tout est pensé dans une démarche pratique et applicable presque à la lettre. Et c'est parfaitement transposable à un système français.

    L'auteure explique ce qui va de soi pour les autres mais pas pour la manière de penser d'un autiste asperger. Pas de justification, pas de valorisations ou dévalorisation, l'auteure part de constat et trouve des stratégies pour aider.

    Concernant le style, c'est typiquement américain, à se demander si elle ne l'a pas écrit avec un enregistreur vocal mais il n'en reste pas moins que ça s'adresse à des adolescents et que ça leur sera certainement utile. J'ai personnellement adopter certaines stratégies pour mon travail, avec succès.
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  • Satisfied Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best and most practical book ever written on Aspergers' to date
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 3, 2018
    Verified Purchase
    This book contains a set of life-changing rules, that will enable the Aspergers' sufferer to function well in a neurotypical world. It is written in a simple and entertaining style, which is easy to learn. It is far superior to the other well known books on the subject, which offer little practical help. I recently met an adult person who appeared to have Asperger's tendencies so I gave this book to him. Within a very short period of time he was able to identify his Aperger's tendencies that caused him to be bullied as a child, which damaged his self-esteem and greatly affected his quality of life. This person's self-esteem has greatly increased and he is better able to interact with neurotypicals. He is now awaiting a formal diagnosis.
    Report
  • KatD
    5.0 out of 5 stars Must have!
    Reviewed in Australia on April 26, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    The best book, it’s a must have for tweens/teens on the Autism spectrum.
    This is also helpful to people who may not understand the Autistic brain.
    Report
  • Kate Baggott
    3.0 out of 5 stars An Perfect Tool, But May Need Breaking Down
    Reviewed in Germany on November 18, 2012
    Verified Purchase
    I bought this book to read with my child who may or may not be Aspie, but is certainly on the spectrum. The book is so specific about Aspie culture that kids with a slightly different diagnosis think they can't relate to the book. And yet, on every page, I heard "that's what happened to me!"

    The book is full of specific and wonderful information, but it is almost too much for one young reader and their parents to take. The illustrations remind us that this is a book for tweens and teens, but the chapters are just too long. I love the "social rules" bullet points, but they should have been broken up into related groups (like a power point presentations) and be categorized so that young readers can process one chunk of information at a time.

    I definitely recommend that book, but parents have to read it and divide it into 10 or 15 minute sections their children can deal with at one time.
    Report