I've bought this book many times over the years, as my copies end up either stolen or I give them away to someone who needs them more than me at the moment, but I always buy another copy. This is my 6th I believe, and again I immediately gave it as a gift. I'm still hoping to find my original one with all the writing in the margins as epiphanies piled onto epiphanies throughout the read.
For anyone, male or female, of any age, but especially should be required reading for all women (we're more socialized against assertiveness and that needs to be remedied!), who constantly say yes when secretly one wants to say no or feels overwhelmed by all the commitments one makes; for people that find it difficult to say no; for those who are afraid that saying no means people will not like them anymore; for people pleasers; for anyone suffering from repressed emotion related disorders including depression; and especially for young teens before they give in to societal pressure to conform and hide their true selves.
I used to be a people pleaser, adapting myself to fit other people's needs with no idea how to get my own needs filled, stuffing my anger and frustration until eventually I'd explode at the wrong person, only to begin stuffing and numbing myself all over again. I was terrified of saying no to anyone, but especially people whose approval I wanted. I hated myself yet didn't know what I was doing wrong, I had never learned any other way to be.
Then I bought this book for the 1st time, and it seemed a bit outdated and I was resistant to some of the ideas, afraid to do the things suggested for fear of losing the love of family & friends or even strangers & acquaintances. I had no self, I was defined by other's & how useful I was, or needed. So I read through it, did the quizzes, made some small changes, but mainly the book made me aware of underlying fears that prevented me from being fully myself or asking for what I needed from anyone. Then, I read it again 6 months later, and that's when the real changes started happening. At first people did walk away because I wasn't allowing them to use me anymore, I wasn't accepting one-way relationships, I was expressing my own needs, wants, and opinions. Eventually I came to realize that I had not lost true friends, for real relationships are a give and take, both people care about each other, so good riddance to the users and abusers.
Since then I've only used it when I needed a refresher, and to give to others I recognize my old self in, helping them to break free from their own chains. For once the reader can feel some control over their life, taking responsibility for the choices and behaviors that are harmful to their well-being. How liberating to be able to say no and stick to it, to only say yes to what one truly wants to do, to find those people who will appreciate the whole person the reader will become.
I highly recommend this to anyone with issues of being too passive, feeling like a doormat (or being told you are one by others). Despite being written back in the 70's, the meat of this book is as valuable now as it ever was, a classic that will be a treasured book to keep forever.
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