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The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) Paperback – December 30, 2000
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“Assertiveness problems—including excessive unassertiveness, aggressiveness, and passive-aggressiveness—afflict millions of people, leading to suffering and undermining potentials for happy, fulfilling lives. In The Assertiveness Workbook, Dr. Randy J. Paterson combines science and clinical experience to create the definitive guide for overcoming assertiveness problems. Blending wisdom, wit, and compassions, this sophisticated yet highly readable volume shows people how to improve their assertiveness in a structured, step-by-step fashion. It is essential reading for anyone wanting to improve their assertiveness, and for therapists treating assertiveness problems.”
—Steven Taylor, Ph.D., R.Psych., Associate Professor, University of British Columbia, and Associate Editor of Behavior Research and Therapy
“This workbook will be a welcome resource to individuals currently struggling with assertiveness difficulties. It will not only help people tackle assertiveness issues, but also target such important topics as need for control, conflict management, and even acceptance of compliments. In short, it holds the potential to effectively change your life.”
―Brian Coz, Ph.D., C.Psych., Psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, University of Manitoba, and author of more than 100 published research articles on anxiety disorders and depression
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Top international reviews
Some other interesting topic:
- How to give a constructive feedback
- How to receive a feedback
- Learn to say no to the requests of others
I believe this book will help me learn the new skillls of being assertive. Just like any other skills, anyone can learn how to be more assertive, not in an overbearing way, but in a pleasant way. A way that is a win win for everyone.
The book contains a workbook that you could write on. This workbook includes questions that are useful and practical for analyzing your current style of communication. I enjoyed the analysis.
Buy this book, do the exercises and then do it again. It's a lot to absorb, but worth it. Also, you'll need to do some actual work - the book provides some strategies, but it's up to YOU to implement them.
I 'did the work' and it has already paid off. Communication is something to work on in every encounter.
It is not easy work, but it is rewarding.
I do not have a partner for some of the exercises, but I did stand in front of the mirror!
I didn't realize how much my body language revealed.
I took written notes and find it easier to remember if I write stuff down, and it's easier to review the major points instead of flipping through sections you already read.
My first confrontation with my boss went better than before. I was not as anxious and felt calm after it was over. Usually I put myself down for saying too much, or being a doormat and saying nothing at all. I didn't feel superior, and wasn't overpowered by the aggressive boss. It was easy to see his communication style and just let it be his problem, and not make it my own.
While the book is chuck full of interesting theory that thoroughly explains the key differences between the passive, agressive and passive-agressive styles, and how assertiveness is on a whole other level of behavior, it dwells too much on the possible origins of how you could've possibly developed any of those unhealthy behaviors, an analysis that any therapy can be done without, since any study and analysis on the why's is a complete waste of time, mainly because it won't do any difference at all to know that your fear of rejection originated in your childhood "when Anita said she would never date you and hence you learned that being assertive was bad and developed a passive behavior." What really matters and the book should've focused instead is in how to develop RIGHT NOW a more assertive personality with clinically proveen skills.
Some chapters are also full of unnecessary activities that serve for nothing (like writing down who could start resisting your atempts at being more assertive, and hundreds of questions that only drag the process of identifying your type of coping with problems).
It also wastes time boarding the "distorted beliefs" with the objective that you could recognize some of them and start changing them. Again, without giving the reader the necessary skills nor a clear or practical way of how to do so. This was even accentuated with an unforgivable sin that the author wrote: "once you know what the (negative) belief is, you can take it somewhat less seriously. You may also BE ABLE TO CHALLENGE THIS BELIEF USING YOUR FULL ADULT INTELIGENCE". THIS IS FAR FROM REALITY FOR GOD'S SAkE!!! Just because you're aware of your fear of rejection or abandonment it doesn't mean you can 'intelectually minimize' the fear with logic. (That's BS. Fear is in the realm of emotions, and emotions are IRRATIONAL.) Hence, this book fails to give proper techniques to deal with those fears. It does indeed help to know what your fears are and what is holding your back in order to grow and develop yourself, but logic and reason can barely do anything aganist those fears and beliefs that you've hold for so many years.
The book, ironically, is also full of excercices that are designed to, apparently, increase your confidence and assertiveness by improving your voice tone, posture and eye contact, but they barely serve any difference because the author makes the usual mistake of working the outside to affect the inside, which is a waste of time because as you start to get more confident and assertive in your mind, YOUR BODY WILL AUTOMATICALLY ADAPT, and you won't even have to adopt a certain posture because it will come out naturally. While it helps to forcé the body to adopt an assertive style to influence the mind, it is way more practical to get the skills and the assertive mindset which will automatically influence the body.
There's VERY LITTLE that can be taken from this book: Less than 5% of the info holds some real value. I was expecting some actual skills to help me cope with the stress during confrontation or how to deal with manipulation with actual techniques, but instead I was being crammed with unpractical theory that is too damn troublesome to apply (TEN STEPS designed to help you prepare for a confrontation!? That really was the cherry on the cake called "overdoing it"!)
I would've rated it 2 stars, but since there are way better books that help you develop a more assertive personality this book ends up being a complete waste of time. If you really want some very practical skills to develop a more assertive personality, deal with the fear of criticism, avoid being manipulated through guilt, learn to say no and even make the other person or spouse to be more assertive towards you, then When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy is a MUST READ due to its practical advice that can be used immediatly with NO OVERANALYSIS of the situation. This book even prompted me to create an assertive group to practice those skills (which are by the way, way more straight forward than those given in The Assertive Workbook, easy to remember and clinically proven with casual examples given through recorded conversations).
In short, the book doesn't give you anything of value that you can't find in google by typing "how to be more assertive". It really falls short as a practical self help book.
En el libro aparecen un sin fin de situaciones cotidianas, en las que la falta de asertividad, por miedo o temor a lo que piensen los demás o uno mismo, desemboca en un conflicto aún mayor. Se repasa poco a poco el proceso para atreverse a decir lo que uno piensa, desea o necesita, sin imponer y sin mandar.
Incluye ejercicios prácticos. Muy bien redactado.