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Assholes Finish First Paperback – October 18, 2011
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About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
If you're older than 17, don't waste your money on this book. I can't believe this guy is in his 30s.
Seriously, in one story a girl starts out cool but then gets crazy and ends with her throwing an ipod at him...that's it. Or some virgins want him to be their first and he slept with another midget. There wasn't any actual stories behind these subjects, just him saying that he did this stuff. There are only two good stories in this book, the rest is just some sad and creepy older guy trying to make the younger kids think he's still cool. Tucker started a new genre then became the Carson Daily of it. He took something great and made it suck just like Carson did with music videos.
So save yourself the time and money and skip this book, just re-read the last one.
You know, I wrote a really, really, really long review detailing everything I hated about this book. Not enough. If I had room for 1,000 pages, it would still not be enough to convey how much I hate this damn novel. Tucker Max is a terrible, terrible, terrible writer. ... most offensive man alive ...
Now, you might be thinking: "oh, this is a woman - of course she would hate this book. I'll buy it anyway because other people here have said that it's funny."
NO. Sure, I might not be the target demographic for this novel - a nineteen year old girl who likes eating Thin Mints and watching Titanic - but that doesn't mean I automatically hate all sexist, offensive comedians. I enjoy watching Archer, reading stuff by Louis C.K. (or listening to him), and browsing Reddit. My problem with this novel was that:
It's not funny. I have no idea how on Earth this guy sold so many books in the first place (though according to the reviews, his first one was a lot better). I actually started knocking my head against my Kindle - *what* *am* *I* *reading* *why* *am* *I* *reading* *this* *make* *it* *stop* - and finally deleted it from my history forever so I wouldn't be tempted to read more stories (well Paige, maybe it'll get better at THIS part).
He's offensive, but it's ... how do I put this? Reading this book was like being in a crowded bar, listening to bad music and having an old, fat, balding man repeatedly grind against you, shouting obscenities in your ear. Yeah. I think that's an apt description. Uncomfortable, awkward, boring, queasy, mildly disgusting ... you feel like you need a shower afterwards.
Also, Tucker Max cannot spell or write.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
One of the funniest books I've ever read... Cried at times I was laughing so hard...Published 12 days ago by Jason Glynn
Pretty raunchy collection of drunken debauchery. In my 20s I found this to be an epic collection of stories I hoped to one day be able to tell my own versions of, but 10 years... Read morePublished 26 days ago by Kevin M Bania
Tucker Max, of "Thy Don't Serve Beer in Hell" has a hilarious, crude, and offensive lifestyle, but that's what makes Tucker...well, Tucker. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Jon Brulotte
So sad that Tucker decided to grow up, because these stories had me in tears I was laughing so hardPublished 3 months ago by Chris M.
I find him to be a very entertaining writer. I think I jumped into reading this with high expectations, but it fell short. Read morePublished 3 months ago by Mr. and Mrs. K.
Hilarious book. I've read all of his other books and it is exactly the same, but with different stories. Still makes me laugh out loud when I read about these crazy stories. Read morePublished 4 months ago by Josh T.