- Hardcover: 392 pages
- Publisher: Perspectives Press (IN); 1St Edition edition (May 1, 2002)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0944934293
- ISBN-13: 978-0944934296
- Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds
- Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #781,061 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents 1St Edition Edition
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Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.
Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.
Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner
From Publishers Weekly
Gray, a clinical social worker specializing in attachment, grief and trauma, has penned a comprehensive guidebook for adoptive parents, taking an in-depth look at how children and families adjust. The author notes that many of today's adoptions involve older children who may have been abused or neglected, or who may have spent years in institutions or various foster situations; due to their past experiences these children may have difficulty attaching to their adoptive parents. Explaining that attachment forms the template for future adult relationships, Gray stresses how important it is for adoptive parents to be patient in forging this new bond. She advises creating a high structure/ high nurture environment for the child, and instructs parents to find out about their child's background. The book covers many issues, including cross-cultural and interracial adoption, religious concerns and other complications for attaching, such as ADHD and learning disabilities. Gray also includes a detailed exploration of developmental delays common in kids who have been adopted later in life. While the book is densely written, it will nevertheless be invaluable for adoptive parents. Gray compassionately helps readers form realistic expectations, while offering a myriad of suggestions for families and children striving to form lasting, loving relationships.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
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Top Customer Reviews
Deborah Gray, a clinical social worker specializing in trauma, grief, and attachment, does a good job of telling adoptive parents what they might encounter and what causes behavioral and psychological issues sometimes found in children adopted from difficult backgrounds. She covers both foster care and post-institutional cases in her real-life examples. While she is realistic about possible problems, she also provides concrete suggestions and strategies for dealing with and getting help for difficulties children might face. All the information can get overwhelming, so take a deep breath and don't try to read it all at once.
Her chapter on "Other Complications in Attachment" (ADHD, FAE/FAS, learning disabilities, mood disorders, autism, and Asperger's sydrome) dealt with helping an adopted child who has additional factors that might make attachment more difficult. That was something I've not seen in other adoption books. I also like how she stressed the importance of meeting your child at his developmental age, not his chronological age, and ways to do that. And since we already have children by birth, I really appreciated Gray's insight into making sure the children already in your home don't feel pushed to the side while everyone focuses on the needs of the newly adopted sibling.
Gray writes with understanding and gentleness. Even though there is a LOT of information in this book and it needs to be digested slowly, Gray never makes the reader feel hopeless. One small complaint: I did notice an unusual number of typos in the book, so if there are future editions I hope the editing will be better.
One final thought--If you were pregnant you'd panic if you read about every possible pregnancy and childbirth related danger out there. And chances are, you won't face most of the things you worried about. The same is true for adoptive parents. It's very important to prepare yourself and be educated. But also know that children with difficult backgrounds can and do rebound with the love and support of engaged, informed parents who will do what is necessary to help them overcome their challenging beginnings.
I'd been feeling like I was missing something as I prepare for my daughter to come home. I know she can't be unaffected by her 3 years in an orphanage, but HOW she might be affected, and WHAT can I do about it? This book gave me the answers I need and the courage to be the best Mom I can be!
The adoption community needs more realistic information and tools. A prepared parent will be a successful parent with a healthy, happy family.
Thanks Deborah Gray!