- Hardcover: 368 pages
- Publisher: Viking; 1 edition (May 31, 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0399563962
- ISBN-13: 978-0399563966
- Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 1.2 x 9.3 inches
- Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 168 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #37,340 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Awakened Family: A Revolution in Parenting Hardcover – May 31, 2016
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Praise for The Awakened Family
"Stop struggling, parents. Here is the key to relaxing into your family and into your parenting. . . . [Tsabary] has a new book releasing us all from the stresses of 'making' the perfect child." —The Washington Post
"I want to give this book to everyone I know who is a parent, a grandparent, a child, a grown-up child . . . everyone. It's not only a primer for the kind of family life we all long for, it's also a guide to being human—to living with more ease, more love, more joy." —Elizabeth Lesser, cofounder of Omega Institute and author of Broken Open and Marrow
"Shefali Tsabary shines the light of wisdom on the most enlightened aspect of parenting: discovering a child's individual personhood and purpose, and nurturing the path to its fulfillment." —Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Life Visioning
"Best-selling author and speaker Tsabary combines the spirit of Thich Nhat Hahn’s 1975 classic, Miracle of Mindfulness, with an intensive family therapy session—and the result is a transforming read for any parent." —Booklist, starred review
"Useful and encouraging . . . Tsabary’s message is an antidote to recent trends such as for 'helicopter parenting,' teaching respect for children as people in their own right and urging parents to let them thrive." —Publishers Weekly, starred review
"I loved The Awakened Family . . . [Tsabary] explains why we need to trust in our children's potential and argues that the best parenting lies in being quiet and open." —Bookpage
Praise for The Conscious Parent
"CALLING ALL PARENTS! I just read the most profound book on parenting I've ever encountered—The Conscious Parent. . . Parents . . . you will be wowed and awed by her." —Oprah Winfrey
"Shefali Tsabary's invaluable book shows how the challenges of parenting can become a great opportunity for spiritual awakening. Becoming a fully conscious parent is the greatest gift you can give to your child." —Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and A New Earth
"In this book, Dr. Shefali Tsabary describes the importance of compassion in simple, secular terms, discussing how we can learn to develop it from our relationship with our children." —His Holiness the Dalai Lama
"The Conscious Parent is a spiritual vision of how to care for a child's body and soul. This book is practical and full of love and hope for both parents and children." —Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls
About the Author
Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University. Specializing in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, Dr. Shefali brings together the best of both worlds for her clients. She is an expert in family dynamics and personal development and runs a private practice in New York City. Dr. Shefali has written three books, including the award-winning New York Times bestselling book The Conscious Parent. Dr. Shefali is also a keynote speaker who has presented at TEDx, Kellogg Business School, the Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education, and other conferences and workshops around the world. She's been featured on Oprah Winfrey's SuperSoul Sunday and Oprah's Lifeclass.
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Top customer reviews
Here's my favorite quote from this book: "Focus on who your child is today, and what they do. Let go of emphasis on their performance, tests, achievements, or chores." It seems obvious to me that our society has run amok with putting huge burdens on children. What college, what high school, even what kindergarten! I bet most parents realize that, but in THE AWAKENED FAMILY, Dr. Tsabary explains the damage it is causing.
Here's the BIG point that really got me thinking: We are mistaken in thinking the focus is on our child. We need to look at OURSELVES. In particular, we need to come to grips with our EGO. As parents we look to our children as reflections of our OWN value. We want affirmation of our parenting skills and a "living, breathing trophy" of our own success.
It's our ego that puts unrealistic demands on our children. We look to the future and expect them to accomplish great things: "Many parents are seduced by the notion that a child's worth is measured by their performance." We set the bar very high and define "success" in terms of their accomplishments.
By continually looking forward to the wonderful things our child will do in the future, we run over their naturally desire to be appreciated for who they are--right now! "Each of us longs not only to be validated but also to be honored for who we are at this moment right now..." We risk creating a huge chasm between parent and child: "Placing expectations on your child instead of allowing the child's own natural inclinations to emerge spontaneously may well result in an emotional Grand Canyon between you and your child."
The end of each chapter has ideas for affirming conscious parenting--as opposed to the fearful, ego-centric reactive process that comes so naturally. Also, there is a large appendix, "Thirty Daily Reminders to Build Consciousness," which is filled with affirming passages to help you each day.
So all in all, I found THE AWAKENED FAMILY to be a challenging read. I've never really thought about my EGO being the driver for raising kids. These are not simple ideas--and definitely not easy for me to accept. I admit I'm struggling with some of the author's points. At least for me, I will need to read over, and think these ideas through a little more.
"Our children are particularly effective mirrors, because although we can divorce our spouse and abandon our friends, our children are here to stay. It's in our relationship with them more than any other that we are challenged to examine those aspects of ourselves we would ordinarily deny or avoid. When we are able to look into the mirror they provide us with and address our issues, we not only clear the fog form our own vision, but also begin to see our children for who they truly are. In this way, we become a reflection of their authentic self."
We are asked to consider questions like, "`Is my child in some way reflecting the way I tend to operate?'" With numerous examples, we are shown that the cost of addressing behavioral problems at the effect level is increased negative behavior. Through the author's profound insights and plethora of real-life examples, it becomes clear that our own fear, which stems from past conditionings, paralyzes us by keeping us from knowing how to connect with our children. That real change can only happen when we have heightened awareness or become conscious of our own behavioral patterns. This means noticing our thoughts and feelings and exploring our belief systems. When reading this book, you feel like the author takes you on an intimate journey of awakenings and opens your heart to a whole new way of seeing your essential role as a parent. The authors ideas are truly revolutionary and liberating. You are able to see and experience a real path to having stronger, deeper connections in all your relationships.
In The Awakened Family, the author explains that we need to give up our expectations of how we would like things to be and to accept whatever enters the present moment. In the following passage, the author helps us to understand what acceptance means:
"Acceptance of the present moment doesn't mean you are passive or resigned to things. It simply means that the sting of the emotional charge is taken out of the situation. Sure, you can correct your child and even assertively create boundaries if these are needed, but the entire exchange is executed without adding in the emotional charge of fear, panic, shame, or guilt."
We are able to see that only when we learn how to "be" can we know what doing action, if any, is needed.
Dr. Shefali so eloquently explains our responsibility as parents when she says, "It's our sacred responsibility as parents to remember that within every child is a deep desire to be seen, heard, and understood. Indeed, a child's deepest yearning is to know the answer to the question, "`Am I good, am I okay, am I worthy?'" When we are willing to open our heart to the author's message, we can only experience its resounding truth.
Conscious parenting has personally transformed me and the way I parent my son. This is not a quick-fix philosophy; it is a way of living, finding more peace and joy in your life.
Every parent, therapist, parenting coach, and educator should read this book and keep it close by for reference. With the brilliant insights that Dr. Shefali provides in her latest book, we can all become more awakened and join a growing consciousness that has the power to heal our world.