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About Barry K. Weinhold PhD
Barry K. Weinhold, Ph.D. is a prolific writer. He has written and published over 41 books since 1978. He is professor emeritus at the University of Colorado-Colorado Springs, a licensed psychologist and co-director of the Carolina Institute for Conflict Resolution and Creative Leadership in Asheville, North Carolina. His website URL is www.weinholds.org.
Barry consults with individuals and couples on Skype and conducts therapy intensives through CICRCL. He also conducts workshops for the general public and in-service trainings for professionals. For Information about these services contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org
He is the author or co-author of Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap, The Flight From Intimacy, Healing Developmental Trauma, Conflict Resolution: The Partnership Way and Twisted Beliefs: Why Smart People Suffer From Premature Hardening Of The Categories. Barry lives near Asheville, North Carolina with his wife, Janae and can be contacted at email@example.com.
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You'll be able to spot the Drama Triangle everywhere -- in your friends' and family's high drama, in tv sitcoms and talk shows, movies, mainstream news, behind Washington's gridlock, at the chatter around the water cooler at work, and distorting your most intimate conversations (even those in the bedroom!).
That's because three out of every five social transactions contain Drama Triangle dynamics. No wonder it's a challenge to break free of Victim Consciousness!
Book Table of Contents:
PART ONE: WHAT IS THE DRAMA TRIANGLE AND VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS?
Chapter One: Our Personal Experiences With The Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness
Chapter Two: The History of the Drama Triangle
Chapter Three: How The Drama Triangle Mind Game Works
Chapter Four: Developmental Causes of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness
Chapter Five: Power and Powerless Issues
Chapter Six: The Internal Drama Triangle
Chapter Seven: Religious Beliefs That Trap Us In the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness
Chapter Eight: The Need/Obligate System and the Drama Triangle
PART TWO: HOW TO BREAK FREE OF THE DRAMA TRIANGLE AND VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS
Chapter Nine: Steps In Breaking Free of The Drama Triangle
Chapter Ten: How To Recognize When You Are Projecting
Chapter Eleven: How To Heal Your Developmental Trauma
Chapter Twelve: How To Exit The Drama Triangle
Chapter Thirteen: The Functional Family Triangle
Chapter Fourteen: How To Take Charge of Your Life
Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Barry and Janae Weinhold correlate the developmental causes of co-dependency with relationship problems later in life, such as establishing and maintaining boundaries, clinging and dependent behaviors, people pleasing, and difficulty achieving success in the world. Then they focus on healing co-dependency, providing compelling case histories and practical activities to help readers heal early trauma and transform themselves and their primary relationships.
- Has trouble being close to others?
- Has a strong need to be right -- all the time?
- Acts self-centered and egotistical?
- Never asks for help?
- Has to look good all the time?
- Works long hours but never finishes?
- Expects perfection in self and others?
- Seldom appears vulnerable or weak?
- Has difficulty relaxing?
The Flight from Intimacy shows readers how to recognize and cope with counter-dependent people. And if you recognize yourself in the description above, this book will help you learn how to change. It teaches readers how to use committed relationships to heal childhood wounds and provides proven ways to use conflicts as opportunities for creating intimate, partnership relationships.
- A lack an understanding of how past unresolved conflicts and unhealed traumas “bleed through” and make it more difficult to resolve their current conflicts
- A lack of skills in conflict resolution.
Specifically, this book provides numerous self-assessment exercises and step-by step Worksheets to help couples and others resolve four different types of conflict:
- Conflicts of Wants and Needs. These conflicts are often the everyday variety, including conflicts about division of labor, how to keep their place clean, handling joint finances, personal care and hygiene, or behavioral habits.
- Conflicts of Values and Beliefs. This kind of conflict often focuses on differences in religious values and beliefs, political views, parenting approaches and spending habits.
- Repeated Conflicts With No Resolution. These are “frozen conflicts” where the resolution requires an understanding of how elements from previously unresolved conflicts or traumas are “bleeding through ”and interfering with the resolution of these current conflicts.
- Betrayal Conflicts. These conflicts involve “soul wounds” that are the result of some betrayal of trust in your relationships. Infidelity is only one of them and the book describes many others as well.
- The natural learning style of humans is to repeat anything that was a conflict in the past.
- You are never upset for the reasons you think you are.
- When you can name it, you can “tame it” or change it.
- You will get “triggered” by memories of past unresolved conflict and trauma, only when the relationship is close enough and safe enough for these memories to show up.
The pandemic has put tremendous stress on everyone as they had to cope with new challenges that they never had to face before. Often, the additional contact, often under very stressful conditions, naturally brought up more conflicts. Anyone without effective skills to resolve these conflicts, found themselves doing and saying things that often escalated their conflicts.
This book examines the historical factors that have caused this professional controversy, and how it is provoking a game-change in the way that mental health professionals conduct their practices. This book also examines the personal impact of developmental trauma, and how it can become a different kind of life game-changer. Rather being a self-fulfilling prophesy for pain and suffering, it can also serve as a catalyst for personal transformation and meaning-making.
Recent research indicates that one’s beliefs about stress, not stress itself, determines whether it is positive or negative. This book helps readers change their beliefs about stress, and reframe the concept of developmental trauma into developmental growth. This perspective empowers readers towards intrapsychic integration and personal transformation.
This book, the first in a series of four, describes the author's journey to identify the sources of his twisted beliefs that caused his self-defeating behaviors and then how he changed them. This book focuses on identifying and understanding the hidden causes and effects of your twisted beliefs. The second book focuses on how human predators have conspired to keep us trapped in self-limiting beliefs and behaviors. This includes a historical look at how these people systemically gained control of all of our institutions by installing and repeating twisted beliefs. The third book focuses entirely on how to break free of the lingering and often hidden effects of these personal and collective twisted beliefs.
The last book helps you move “beyond your beliefs” so that you can chart a new course of action. You will learn practical tools that help you rely on your own “inner knowing” to guide your life so to free yourself from any twisted beliefs you have learned. It also presents a fresh, new approach to social and political activism. This book also contains lots of self-quizzes and writing exercises to help you personalize the content.
Dysfunctional family patterns left over from childhood can ruin your adult relationships and you won’t even know why—unless you read this book.
Breaking Family Patterns: How To Change Your Family Patterns will help you stop replaying unconscious patterns from your family-of-origin in your adult relationships and with your children. Most people don’t understand how and why this happens, so they feel powerless to change things. This practical how-to book contains many stories about how Barry changed his life by identifying and breaking his dysfunctional family patterns. It will will help you not only break free of your family patterns, but also change your life.
You need to read this book if you:
-Overreact to things that your relationship partner says and does and you don’t know why.
-Need to understand why you overreact and learn how to keep this from happening.
-Want specific skill-building exercises and information you can use to change these disruptive behaviors.
-Struggle with expressing your feelings appropriately.
-Hope to create a more harmonious relationship.
-Want examples of how others have dealt with this problem in their relationships.
-Would like to feel more compassion and acceptance toward your relationship partner.
-Want more intimacy in your relationships.
-Want to be able to be more yourself in your relationships without causing conflicts.
Book Two, Breaking Family Patterns: How To Change Your Family Patterns, is part of a four e-book series on Building Sustainable Relationships. Book One helps you identify the intergenerational behavior patterns that can disrupt your adult relationships. Once you have identified these patterns, you need to know how to change them. Book Two shows you how to change them. You learned these behaviors while growing up and they helped you survive childhood hopefully with minimum damage. Unfortunately, if they are not changed they will ruin you adult relationships. This book contains my story about how I changed my family patterns.
The book describes the characteristics of a servant leader and the optimal personal development of this kind of leader. The key to the self-development of the servant leader is his/her ability to create a fully individuated Self. In addition, servant leaders need to integrate both the masculine and feminine sides of their personality. These personal achievements will enable them to truly serve others, without the interference of ego or other manipulations.
The book is organized by first presenting an overview of servant leadership; what it is and what it isn’t. Then the book describes the optimal personal development of a servant leader. This is followed by a description of some of the various obstacles to overcome. After each chapter that describes obstacles, there is a chapter offering strategies for the servant leader to use as an agent of change to overcome these obstacles.
It is important in all this to remember that what you resist will persist. The long-term effects of your hidden childhood traumas will not go away without you paying attention to them. The most effective and humane way to respond to these hidden developmental traumas is to bring loving attention to the situations where you freak out.
It is sometimes challenging and confusing to locate the hidden causes of your reaction trauma, but if you refuse to pay attention when this happens, your hidden and unhealed trauma patterns will continue to control your life. The stress of being constantly on guard against freaking out, takes a lot of your energy.
This book, the 56th that Dr. Weinhold has written, helps you locate the sources of your freaked out reactions and provides you with the tools you need to heal them. Dr. Weinhold has put the best-of-the-best material in this book and it represents the latest information and tools available to heal the long-term effects of developmental traumas. It contains all the tools that Dr. Weinhold used to locate and heal his own hidden developmental traumas.
These are also the proven tools he has used with his clients for the past 40 years as a licensed psychologist and taught to his graduate students as a professor during the same time. Reading this book will give you hope that you can overcome the long-term effects of hidden childhood traumas and live a more relaxed and happy life.
The first half of this book helps you identify your hidden developmental traumas with the help of Self-Quizzes and examples, so you can apply the content of the book to your own life and relationships. The second half of the book contains all the healing tools you need to rid yourself of the experience of freaking out when you are with certain people and are in certain situations. These people or situations trigger memories of the feelings connected to the original childhood trauma. This is what causes you to freak out. Most of the tools described in the book also work if you are suffering from an event trauma caused by an accident, natural disaster or combat situation.
Freaked Out begins with information about event trauma and how it differs from developmental or relational trauma. Part One of the book focuses on how event traumas and relational traumas can disrupt your life. Part Two focuses on the long-term effects of hidden and unhealed developmental traumas on your relationships. Part Three provides the tools you need to heal these disruptive emotional reactions.
Be sure to visit the website for this book at http://freakedoutnomore.info and be sure to "like" us on Facebook at . This is where you will continue to find new information and tools about how to identify and heal the long-term effects of hidden developmental traumas that are causing you to Freak Out.
What lies beyond your beliefs is your personal freedom! You can live your life free from the undo influences of twisted collective beliefs manufactured by spin-masters of the mainstream media. They work hard to get you to believe their lies and distortions because it makes it easier for them to confuse and control you.
This book, Beyond Beliefs: The Journey of the Gnostic Warrior, will help change any misperceptions (chains) you may have about these twisted beliefs. By reading this book you will discover the personal freedom that lies beyond your beliefs: your inner knowing of the truth and how to use it to chart the course of your life’s journey.
In Plato’s Republic, Socrates describes a group of people who live chained to a wall in a cave all their lives. The only things they can see are the shadows on the walls as things pass behind them. This is as close as they come to viewing reality. They form their beliefs about reality by viewing these shadows. The collective beliefs that you are bombarded with in the media every day contain the shadows designed to keep you chained to a very different reality.
This book and the others in this series are written to help you to see through the shadows that prevent you from taking total control of your own life. By reading this book you will learn the following:
1. What tools do I need to reconnect with my inner wisdom?
2. How can I better understand the current collective breakdown/breakthrough process?
3. How can I navigate through this chaotic process successfully using my inner wisdom?
4. What are some examples of successful breakthrough projects I can look to for inspiration?
5. What is a Gnostic Warrior and how is he/she different from a Traditional Warrior?
6. What skills do I need to become an effective Gnostic Warrior?
7. What are my “essential travel tips” for “The Journey of the Gnostic Warrior?”
I end this book with a case study about a young political activist. I coached him as he participated in the protests in Ukraine against the corrupt government in late 2013 and early 2014.
Santa Claus was portrayed as a person who supposedly watched you to see if you were good or bad and would reward you accordingly on Christmas morning. The threat was if you weren’t good enough, you could end up with a lump of coal. How deceitful do you have to be to control your kid’s behavior? However, I ended up telling my kids the same lies for the same reasons. Go figure!
Other lies that I was told and believed had far more damaging effects on my life. For example, I learned in church that I was born a sinner and will always be one. They were pretty convincing and I believed what they told me. I also learned from my parents what a “Bad Boy” I was when I did something that displeased them.
Most people, including me, were told they were not “good enough” in some important way enough times that we believed this must be true. This process began very early in life. Research shows that parents say the word “no” to their child over 20,000 times before he/she reaches the age of two.
How did this affect your life when you grew up? Most people can give you a long list of what they believe is wrong with them, but are hard-pressed to think of any good qualities. What can you do to change your negative beliefs about yourself?
I provide answers to these and other related questions in my new book, “How to Identify and Change Your Twisted Beliefs.” In this book, I have included many self-awareness and self-correction exercises to help you identify and correct any lies that you were told while growing up. For example, I include a self-inventory to help you identify thirty-six common twisted beliefs that you may have learned while growing up in your family, church or schools.
The problem is that most people do not realize how damaging it is for them to hold these twisted beliefs. The first part of the book helps you identify any twisted beliefs you might have. It also identifies the probable negative effects that holding these twisted beliefs can have on your life.
The second half of the book shows you how you can change your twisted beliefs. For example, I describe how twisted beliefs caused cancer to grow in my body and then I explain how I was able to reverse that growth by changing my twisted beliefs. My main point is that twisted beliefs about yourself can cause stress that leads to degenerative diseases.
I write about how I identified and changed my twisted beliefs and share with you what I learned in that process. It is a very personal book that I felt compelled to write and share with others who are interested in personal growth and change.