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To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women Paperback – May 17, 2000
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Knowing what to do or how to help a victim of domestic violence can be baffling. Natural urges, such as badmouthing the abuser or pressuring the victim to leave the abuser, can often backfire. Victims may pull away and alienate themselves from those who are trying to help. Author Susan Brewster was stalked and battered by an ex-boyfriend. As a result she studied to become a psychotherapist and has dedicated more than a decade of her life to counseling battered women and their families. Based on her experiences, she teaches readers how to recognize abuse, become effective advocates, and take on the difficult role of being anchors rather than rescuers. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
The estimation that "four million women a year" are battered by their partners makes this unique guide regrettably necessary. Social worker Brewster, who has survived a batterer, aims to help those who would like to be "an anchor" to a battered woman. In contrast to a rescuer or a distancer, the anchor is a "healthy" supporter who believes the woman, takes her abuse seriously, remains neutral, respects and honors her decisions and feelings, and does not give advice. Writing in a clear, conversational style, Brewster aims to help the "anchor" with this daunting task. In addition, she provides five especially useful appendixes that address state-by-state resources, legal advocacy, counseling and professional help, signs of emotional illness, and signs of substance abuse and child neglect. Many books address the issue of battered women, but this is perhaps the first that is meant to help those who want to help. For all libraries.?Barbara O'Hara, Free Lib. of Philadelphia
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top customer reviews
the book itself is a labor of love, as is the process it describes. and the techniques can be applied to other relationships as well.
i'm so grateful for the advice.
THIS BOOK explained the "what to do" and "WHY you do it" in language even I could understand. It probably saved a life.
It's not about what FEELS right, or what is politically correct, it's about becoming a person that is available when shelter and help is sought.
The real strength of this book is that it gives those who want to help a perspective and specific tools and guidelines for supporting a woman who is being abused. Too many resources are basically compendia of the facts about battering and lists of (national) resources; this book is a written hands-on support system for those who are the victim's support system. Best of all, the auther consistently maintains complete respect for the victim's need to make her own decisions, and she shows the reader how to struggle successfully with the desire to jump in and fix it (or to run away from the problem altogether). She includes issues relevant to battered men, as well as a section on "if you're a friend of the abuser."
Perhaps the most telling comment I have heard about this book was given by one of my hotline trainees. She read it close to the end of her 40-hour intensive training, which had included experts from all areas, lots of information about the dynamics of battering, films, and hours of role-plays. Her comment to the rest of the trainees was "Up until I read this book, it was all still kind of unclear to me how to put all this information together. Now I feel like I really GET what it is we're doing here on this hotline."
According to Strauss and Gelles, the majority of battered women don't look for help to the police, doctors, or therapists. They look to their friends and family. Most often, those friends and family genuinely want to help, but don't know how to. This book will finally teach them how. It could be the most influential (in a quiet way) book to come out of the battered women's movement in the past few years.