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Ethan Nicolle
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Bears Want to Kill You: The Authoritative Guide to Survival in the War Between Man and Bear [Print Replica] Kindle Edition

by Ethan Nicolle (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 119 ratings
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DID YOU KNOW BEARS NEVER DIE? There are many unknown facts about these fur-adorned mammals. Because the hard truths about bears can be difficult to process, society often shields itself from the realities of the true threat bears pose to mankind. Much as it took centuries for mankind to realize Earth was not at the center of the universe, it will take a long time for humans to realize that they are not at the top of the food chain.

"Bears Want to Kill You wields a prescience that is both hilarious and terrifying, as Ethan Nicolle masterfully spells out the ursine demise that is coming to us all." -Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation, Axe Cop)

In BEARS WANT TO KILL YOU, author Ethan Nicolle exposes the lies about:

-Bear Safety
-Bear Spray
-Bear Traps
-Bear Necessities

...and gives you the truth about:

-Bear Fighting
-Bear Species
-Bear Jiu Jitsu
-Bear Avoidance
-And more!

Every book written on bears has been a lie. People live under the false impression that bears can be avoided, that bear attacks are survivable, and even that bears are not immortal. Suffice it to say, people have a lot to learn about bears, bear safety, bear attacks and the impending war between man and bear.

"Hero is an overused word these days. But Ethan Nicolle may be the greatest hero who ever lived. Nay, he is a prophet reminding those with ears to hear of the coming Bearmageddon. You can ignore his warnings if you like, but a bear will eventually eat your face if you do. If you pay heed, at least the bears will eat you last." -Jonah Goldberg (LA Times, AEI, National Review)

This is the first honest book about bears ever written. No lies, no propaganda. It’s the hard reality nobody wants to face. Can you bear the truth?

ETHAN NICOLLE is the co-creator of comic and TV series Axe Cop, webcomic Bearmageddon, writer for the Babylon Bee and writer for animated TV shows such as Teen Titans Go! and VeggieTales in the House. He resides in a giant bear locker in Rancho Cucamonga, CA.
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  1. Reading age
    11 - 18 years
  2. Language
    English
  3. Grade level
    6 - 12
  4. Publication date
    May 9, 2019
  5. Page Flip
    Not Enabled
  6. Word Wise
    Not Enabled
  7. Enhanced typesetting
    Not Enabled
  8. See all details
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07RPBPC6S
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Bearmageddon (May 9, 2019)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 9, 2019
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 17563 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Not enabled
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Format ‏ : ‎ Print Replica
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 119 ratings

About the author

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Ethan Nicolle

Ethan Nicolle

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Ethan Nicolle first broke into comics when he created Chumble Spuzz for SLG publishing in 2007 which was nominated for an Eisner Award for humor in 2009. He went on to create a web comic called Axe Cop with his little brother that became a viral sensation and went on to become an animated series on FOX and FXX and won mutiple web comics awards. He has worked with/for Cartoon Network, Disney and currently is staff writer and story editor on VeggieTales in the House for Dreamworks Animation.

Ethan lives in Rancho Cucamonga, CA with his wife, three kids, dog, gecko and fish. For more info visit EthanNicolle.com.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
119 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book humorous, combining zany Monty Python humor with bear phobias. They appreciate the great illustrations and full-color pictures. Readers also praise the writing quality as excellent and creative.

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HumorWriting quality
8 customers mention "Humor"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very humorous. They say it combines zany Monty Python humor with bear phobias and excellent writing. Readers also appreciate the great illustrations and full-color pictures.

"...It is amazing. It combines zany Monty Python humor with bear phobias and excellent writing and graphics...." Read more

"This is a hilarious book with great illustrations, plenty of full color pictures and its a lot of laughs and creativity...." Read more

"My whole family loved this very funny book. My two boys read it twice over, each, over three days...." Read more

"I have enjoyed the laughter that this book generates. I am hoping to get more of Ethan’s books. I would suggest that others read this book." Read more

3 customers mention "Writing quality"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the writing quality excellent, creative, and eye-opening.

"...It combines zany Monty Python humor with bear phobias and excellent writing and graphics. If you are even looking at this book, you MUST buy it...." Read more

"...So creative!! The boys absolutely LOVED IT!!..." Read more

"This was a real eye-opener. I no longer plan on meeting with my “Cuddle A Grizzly” Club that meets quarterly. I now know this is very dangerous...." Read more

Best purchase of the last ten years 🤘
5 out of 5 stars
Best purchase of the last ten years 🤘
You 1,000,000% will not regret purchasing this book.It has changed my life for the betterThank you Ethan
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Top reviews from the United States

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5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book in Every Way
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2022
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This is one of the best books I have ever read. It is amazing. It combines zany Monty Python humor with bear phobias and excellent writing and graphics. If you are even looking at this book, you MUST buy it. You can't possibly be sorry. Really. You will love this book. Pulitzer prize material.
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Kari-Ann
5.0 out of 5 stars My nephews LOVED this book!
Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2019
Verified Purchase
I was getting ready to go on a backpacking trip in Oregon, and, I thought I would get this book to help me "prepare for the back country adventure." This book totally made me laugh! lol ;p Ultimately, I gave it to my dad as a coffee table book. It totally made him and my brother laugh too! lol ;p Originally, I was concerned about sharing it with my 7 and 8yr old nephews -I didn't want them to have nightmares. Boy! was I wrong. After we got home from our backpacking trip, the boys saw the book & starting reading it out loud to me. Oh-my-goodness! I've never laughed so hard!! Hi-larious!! They quickly understood that the bear tips weren't exactly "real." Then, proceeded to bear hug each other to see if they could get their brother's head to pop off!! Haha!! ;p Awesome. They loved all the images and wrestling moves -and, especially appreciated the bear-cano (there was a lot of energetic "exploding" at one point). So creative!! The boys absolutely LOVED IT!! And I absolutely LOVED seeing them laugh & have fun with it <3 It was a beautiful family memory that I plan to treasure in my heart always. Thank you Bear Book Guy!! You're my new hero.
5 people found this helpful
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Mikhail
5.0 out of 5 stars So Funny but Ultimately True!
Reviewed in the United States on December 7, 2020
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This is a hilarious book with great illustrations, plenty of full color pictures and its a lot of laughs and creativity. I live in Alaska and run into bears constantly and we have three bears, more or less, for every inhabitant in Alaska, so really, its their hunting ground and humans are just scrounging around and working hard for food.
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Daren H.
5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favorite books!
Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2022
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This book is fantastic! I was cracking up on every page! Definitely a five-star book! Bears are definitely not breaking down my door right now...
One person found this helpful
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Maxx Heany
5.0 out of 5 stars Best purchase of the last ten years 🤘
Reviewed in the United States on August 11, 2022
Verified Purchase
You 1,000,000% will not regret purchasing this book.
It has changed my life for the better

Thank you Ethan
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Maxx Heany
5.0 out of 5 stars Best purchase of the last ten years 🤘
Reviewed in the United States on August 11, 2022
You 1,000,000% will not regret purchasing this book.
It has changed my life for the better

Thank you Ethan
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2 people found this helpful
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Sheila M. Johnson
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it for the obits!
Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2019
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My whole family loved this very funny book. My two boys read it twice over, each, over three days. I donated it to my local library, who shelved it under YA humor.
One person found this helpful
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Nicky T.
5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read For Bear Awareness
Reviewed in the United States on August 22, 2019
Verified Purchase
This was a real eye-opener. I no longer plan on meeting with my “Cuddle A Grizzly” Club that meets quarterly. I now know this is very dangerous. Thank you Ethan for raising awareness to the hell beast that will end us all.
8 people found this helpful
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robert baker
5.0 out of 5 stars Stupid requests by sellers.
Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2019
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I dislike having to write a review twice. I bought this book as a birthday gift for someone I consider a son. His reaction to this gift was exactly what I had hoped for!
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Sheldon Kotyk
5.0 out of 5 stars Disturbing
Reviewed in Canada on November 30, 2019
Verified Purchase
Ethan’s foray into non-fiction animal explainers is a frightening read. Now I can’t sleep, knowing that the noise I just heard wasn’t a cricket, but probably a bear sharpening it’s knives.

You need to purchase this book to protect your family from being tricked into thinking you are safe just because you have life insurance.
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