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Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities Hardcover – Illustrated, June 25, 2013
| Chris Kluwe (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
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What is in my book, you ask? (I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)
Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.
Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: "This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human."
Excessive brags about myself: "An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom."
Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I'd go away and die now!
So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this "collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories" (I have no idea why that's in quotes).
Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.
(You know you want to.)
- Print length272 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherLittle, Brown and Company
- Publication dateJune 25, 2013
- Dimensions6.25 x 1.13 x 9.5 inches
- ISBN-109780316236775
- ISBN-13978-0316236775
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Introducing Dexter T. Rexter, the toughest, coolest dinosaur ever. At least he likes to think so.| Learn more
Editorial Reviews
Review
"The quirky and sometimes pugnacious ex-punter for the Vikings reveals a little more about his views on social issues, and a lot more about himself, his career and how his frenetic and far-ranging mind works....Kluwe proves himself to be, indeed, a man for all season--not just football season." -- The Minneapolis Star Tribune
"In a league (and sports climate) which has become one, long, repetitive sound bite, a guy who will actually say something meaningful." -- BleacherReport.com
"Chris Kluwe is a glimmering sparklepony of candor (and not afraid to dive fearlessly into the marriage equality debate)." -- Mother Jones
"It's a strongly worded, profanity laced political and philosophical manifesto from an unlikely new pundit: pro football player Chris Kluwe ... Mr. Kluwe's particular talent as a prose stylist lies in his creative use of inventive swear words." -- The Wall Street Journal's "Speakeasy"
"Kluwe is a genuine iconoclast.... Kluwe's writing makes for an entertaining read. He's as adept at the art of the take-down... but he is capable of toning it down when he has to.... His words present compelling arguments on myriad deep and unsolvable, yet relentlessly fascinating problems." -- The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
"Intelligent and thought-provoking, Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies is relentlessly honest; Kluwe pulls no punches, spares no language and writes a rip-roaring debut." -- Shelf Awareness
"A lively collection. In mixing the profane with the prophetic while using a variety of literary devices, the author succeeds at being both entertaining and enlightening. An intriguing assortment of work from an athlete with a lot on his mind." -- Kirkus
"Kluwe is a brainy loudmouth dyspeptic idealistic pessimistic utopian punter/gay rights activist/champion of free speech/family guy who plays guitar. He's sort of Charles Barkley meets Bill "Spaceman" Lee--but with more gravitas." -- ESPN.com
"Kluwe's combination of passion and intelligent self-deprecation has resulted in some must-read stuff....Kluwe is a talented writer with plenty to say. He just happens to kick footballs for a living." -- The Maine Edge
"Chris Kluwe writes much better than I can punt." John Scalzi, award-winning author of Old Man's War and Redshirts
About the Author
Product details
- ASIN : 0316236772
- Publisher : Little, Brown and Company; Illustrated edition (June 25, 2013)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 272 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780316236775
- ISBN-13 : 978-0316236775
- Item Weight : 1.07 pounds
- Dimensions : 6.25 x 1.13 x 9.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,544,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #948 in Sports Humor
- #1,521 in Political Humor (Books)
- #4,192 in American Literature Criticism
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“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a fascinating, rambling, incredibly smart read. I first heard Chris Kluwe’s name in reference to the marriage equality debate (one of my hot button issues) – and when I read his letter to Emmett C. Burns Jr. Many people responded more to some of the words Kluwe used than the overarching point of his letter, and Kluwe addresses that in this book. “The swearing is there for a reason. What Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote, what I responded to, was far more disgusting and foul-minded than any simple scatological reference or genital mash-up. His words degraded the very essence of the English language with their barely hidden venom and intolerant hate; drag it screaming into the muck of iniquity by wrapping a mantle of seeming reasonableness around corruption and control; masquerade as discourse while screaming their very lies to any heaven to any heaven you care to name – I could go on. My words? My words are a litmus test for those who would see the truth of a message rather than the package it’s delivered in.”
Chris Kluwe is crazy smart. He is creative, articulate, thinks fast on his feet and has a core of beliefs that shine through everything he says.
He also writes beautifully. In the section entitled “The Rush” – his description of the process and experience of his day job – is very evocative, reading almost like poetry. “…as my left foot locks into the ground and all the muscles on my right lower side contract and then explode up through an expelled grunt of air, left arm fully outstretched to the sky, eyes never leaving the gold Wilson engraved on the side, though they’re not quick enough to actually see the moment of impact, and now I’m following through and time returns to normal again, an eternity of 1.2 seconds later.”
And when he talks about the sensation of reading a great book – it’s like he was pulling those thoughts and feelings straight from my own head. “The pure luxuriousness of reading a book in comfort is one of the greatest sensations in the world (sex is better, but only by a little bit). Curling up on an engulfing couch as snow drifts down outside, toes hidden beneath warm blankets; lying sideways on a cushioned chaise while cool sea breezes gently stir the sunny afternoon air; hiding under the covers with a flashlight while rain beats down outside, all of these anchored by a collection of thoughts and ideas bound together, alone in whatever world the author created. Such hedonistic delight in contemplation of the immaterial, the intangible. File under Satisfaction with Universe.”
I think the section that had the greatest impact on me (because this is another of my hot button issues) is “Bang Bang” – the essay he wrote on the day of Newtown. As a person, as a mother, that day was horrific for me. I couldn’t stop crying for those children, for those parents…and for the certainty that even though these were schoolchildren that were murdered, the NRA would not allow one single solitary thing to change in our country – and if they possibly could – they would make things even worse so that they could sell more guns and ensure more people would die. Kluwe, however, expresses his feelings of that day in bold and with many caps. He is angry, rightly so, as he maps out exactly what the gun fanatics would think and do after one of the darkest days in our country’s history. His letter to those who worship guns over human life is one of the most powerful I’ve ever read.
“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a book that made me think and laugh and learn. I loved reading it and I look forward to more books (and letters!) from Chris Kluwe.
Former Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe (now an Oakland Raider) is one of those people. While as a football fan I knew of Kluwe's prowess on the field, I didn't become aware of his activism off the field until the middle of last year, when he wrote a public letter to a Maryland state delegate who had called on the Baltimore Ravens to curb the public pro-marriage equality stance of (now former) linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo. (I wrote about this last fall.) From that point on Kluwe became a vocal opponent of those who sought to ban marriage equality, in Minnesota and elsewhere, and he even filed an amicus curiae (friend of the court) brief in the marriage equality cases argued before the Supreme Court earlier this year. And he did all of this not because he is gay, not because he has gay family members, or because he's getting paid. He did (and does) this because he believes all people should be treated equally.
Beyond his support for marriage equality, Kluwe is a tremendously intelligent, well-read, and articulate person on a variety of subjects. He's a big fan of colorful--even obscene--language (not that there's anything wrong with that), and even if you don't necessarily agree with his arguments, most rational people would have to admire his passion and his ability to communicate his points of view. All of these are on fine display in the entertaining, well-written, and passionate (although slightly schizophrenic) collection of essays, letters, stories, and recollections, Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities.
While many of the (often somewhat brief) chapters in this book focus on marriage equality, gun control, and other issues on which Kluwe is unabashedly liberal (again, not that there's anything wrong with that), still others are riffs on football, Atlas Shrugged, religion (including the Pope's taking to social media), the future, video games, injuries, his ego, and his lifelong love of reading. Some are more emotional, as Kluwe gives advice to his children about the future, and talks about the importance of treating each others the way you want to be treated. And still others border on the phantasmagorical, trippy rants directly from Kluwe's wild mind.
I really enjoyed this book because Kluwe was authentic, unswerving, and passionate. While I found some chapters resonated more with me than others, there's no denying his writing ability, his amazing and creative mind, and his strong beliefs in doing what is write, while making people laugh in the progress. The book is a bit disjointed in that the chapters come, much like football hits, one after the other, on one topic and then a totally different one. Is it a literary master work? No. But I admire not only what Kluwe had to say, but how he said it.
"The truth will help you win only if people are willing to educate themselves as to why truth is important, and, make no mistake, truth is very important." Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities is a great reflection on the truth and the world according to Chris Kluwe, and in my mind, we need more people like him to tell the truth and share their passion.
