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Befriending Your Ex after Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your Kids, and, Yes, Your Ex Paperback – January 2, 2013

5.0 out of 5 stars 12 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Whether you’re angry or sad about the breakup, Befriending Your Ex after Divorce shows you how to manage your feelings and find healthy new ways to relate to your ex. A valuable guidebook that should be read by everyone who has an ex!”

—Constance R. Ahrons, PhD, author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family

Befriending Your Ex after Divorce is a wise, practical, and compassionate guide that will help make your transition easier, happier, and ultimately a pathway to renewal. It is a gateway into forgiveness—which is the key to all lasting change. This is a must-read for anyone going through a divorce with children.”

—Barbara Biziou, author of The Joy of Ritual and The Joy of Family Rituals



“This is an inspiring book that every divorced parent should have on their night table, and every therapist who works with divorcing families should have it in their office. Judith Ruskay Rabinor offers both a professional and personal model of co-parenting that nurtures emotional connection with oneself, as well as emotional communication with one’s ex. Her work is based on a deep understanding of the importance of maintaining healthy attachment bonds, for the sake of both children and parents, alike.

—Diana Fosha, PhD, founder and director of the AEDP Institute



“I highly recommend this book to anyone who truly wants to get along with their ex—as well as to those who have no interest in being friends. Every page is full of well-researched information that can help even the most jilted of spouses relate to their ex in a way that holds the best interest of the children as a top priority and promotes healing for everyone involved. It should be mandatory reading for anyone whose marriage is ending.”

—Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day



“One of the hardest things we are called upon to do in life is to open our hearts to someone who hurt or betrayed us. Yet therapists deal every day with the tragic consequences to divorced families when the exes keep feuding and stewing. Befriending Your Ex after Divorce helps former partners access the love and compassion they have for each other that is buried beneath the pain. The post-divorce life of families doesn’t have to be barren and bitter. This book can help make it a period of learning and beauty.”

—Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder and director of Internal Family Systems and author of Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy and You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For



“Judith Ruskay Rabinor is a clinical psychologist who has felt the pain of divorce herself and helped hundreds of clients through those trials. If you are facing a painful break-up or have experienced one, or if you simply want to help someone who has, this book is for you. Abraham Lincoln said, ‘Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?’ Now, here is Rabinor’s accumulated wisdom on this topic. She aims at not just helping you minimize pain, but enlisting an ally. You can draw on her wisdom in this book if you want to help make life more peaceful and productive for your children, yourself, and your ex.”

—Everett L. Worthington, Jr., author of Forgiving and Reconciling (InterVarsity Press)



“In my over 35 years as a practicing divorce attorney at Jenner & Block, I have seen too many divorcing couples act out grudges with their exes in destructive post-divorce conflicts. Much has already been written to minimize these outcomes by explaining the importance of having a good divorce for the sake of the children, and proposing strategies for co-parenting after divorce. Rabinor’s book, however, goes deeper and offers a fresh perspective by focusing on the couple’s personal relationship after divorce…. A groundbreaking perspective, certain to reframe our thinking on post-divorce life.”

—James. H. Feldman, Esq, family law partner and board chair of The Family Institute at Northwestern University



“Divorce ends a marriage; it doesn’t end a family…. This book teaches separated spouses how to let go of the anger, grief, and resentment that prevents them from getting on with their lives.”

—Melinda Blau, author of fourteen books, including Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting and award-winning journalist



“This book is an invaluable resource for divorcing parents who want their children to grow up healthy and emotionally secure in a dual-household family. Rabinor’s insight, experience, humor, and spunk make her one of my favorite experts to interview for my films.”

—Leta Lenik, documentary film producer whose films include Hungry to be Heard and Women Unchained

About the Author

Judith Ruskay Rabinor, PhD, is author of A Starving Madness and founder and director of the American Eating Disorders Center of Long Island. Divorced over twenty-five years ago, Rabinor has since remarried and has successfully co-parented her two grown children.

Foreword writer Don-David Lusterman, PhD, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Baldwin, NY, and author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 2, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 160882277X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608822775
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,142,124 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
In my practice of law I don't think there's one divorced or divorcing couple that would not have benefited from this book. In my personal life I have also known people who should have read this book before they and their (soon -to- be) former spouse developed an unhealthy relationship that ended up harming their children. In addition, I found the author's comments about relationships and loss to apply to many situations other than just that of marriage. This was a very thoughtfully written, interesting and helpful book in every respect.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As I am a friend of Judy Rabinor's, one might think I should disqualify myself from reviewing this book, but it is because I know Judy that I am uniquely qualified to write this review. I knew Judy throughout the process of her divorce and followed the changes in her relationship with her ex with interest. She is not just an expert writing about how to accomplish what many didn't believe possible, she has lived it. She is living proof it can be done. Her book is a culmination of her many years of personal and professional experience. As she does in her therapy sessions, she weaves into the narrative short imageries, practical exercises and journal writing designed to take the reader deeper into the material. I especially like that she included a chapter on possible pitfalls. Overall, this is a practical, heart-warming and thought-provoking book, and if you have ever wondered how you can best protect your children from any negative consequences of divorce, this book is for you.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Great insight into identifying breakdowns and barriers to effective interpersonal communication. Not just from a theoretical standpoint but from REAL life and with REAL tools and methods.Too many lawyers divide and conquer and reap the spoils leaving broken families trying to sort through the ruble. This books changes the outcomes, if you apply it!
Thank you Judith!
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Format: Paperback
I am fortunate in this day and age to still be married to the father of my children. But if God forbid, something should ever happen to our marriage, Befriending Your ex After Divorce is definitely a great tool to get through it and come out whole on the other side. This book has the power to help so many people going through a divorce.

Judith Ruskay Rabinor has been through and survived a divorce and learned how to have a good relationship with her husband post divorce and make their kids the priority. Through her own clinical research and experience, she has learned how to not only survive but to thrive in life once again.

So many people waste time fighting and putting their children in the middle of a tug of war. Once you are divorced, there is nothing left to fight about. She writes about how to let it go and move on and leave the past in the past and to think only of your children's future. It's often easier said than done but this book is a great guide to help you along the way with practical insight and suggestions.

As in any relationship, things will come up to challenge you and the ex and she talks about how to overcome these obstacles and remain friends, always keeping the kids as the priority. Co-parenting is a huge challenge but not an impossible one. There is a great example of this in my family and I have seen the kids grow up in two households into successful amazing adults.

Befriending Your Ex After Divorce is full of practical information and she breaks down many possible scenarios to reach a multitude of people. From letting go of the past to moving forward in newly blended families, she covers everything you need to know to befriend the ex!
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After twenty years of treating patients,I have witnessed many divorced couples stuck in their anger,acting out destructive post divorce conflicts which have a negative effect on themselves and their children.Dr.Rabinor in "Befriending Your Ex"offers a new way to connect post divorce with your Ex that challenges the destructive myths about divorce and provides case studies,practical guidelines and strategies to connect with each other in healthy way..She reminds us that when we are stuck in anger and bitter feelings about divorce,these feeling eat away at your body and soul.They have a powerful effect on your children and even your next relationship.She offers creative ideas about the process of forgiveness and letting go which is necessary for healing to occurr.Through her extensive professional experience and personal experiences from her divorce,she provides hope and guidance to help you develop a new type of relationship with your Ex reminding you that he/she is someone you once loved.
Many individuals for different reasons get divorced.Most of the time it is a painful experience for everyone involved.There are books written about the effects of divorce on partners and children but not about the possibility that after you work through your feelings ,learn from mistakes you could actually have a healthy relationship with your Ex where you can collaborate,compromise and even be able to celebrate your children's milestones together.
I was touched that the author dedicated this book to her Ex .Throughout the book she reminds the reader that developing a healthy connection with your Ex takes time and dedication.Obviously she was able to successfully befriend her ex spouse and dedicated this book to him.What an amazing story and excellent book.Dr Rabinor groundbreaking perspective on post divorce relationships can change your life and and those you love.
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