M contacted me on GoodReads, saying “Hi, Lester. I would like to ‘connect’ via Goodreads and be ‘friends’. That would be great. Us Christian writers have to stick together, right?” I accepted and we have communicated for some time. I have read her book “Behind the Tapestry” and am willing to review it. But I must clarify three things. 1) Although I was a Franciscan seminarian for 6.5 years, I did not become a priest. 2) My memoir reflects my movement away from the Catholic faith to a rational agnosticism. 3) I have very fond memories of my time with the Franciscan.
Having said that, my view of M’s convent life is almost incredulous. M’s writing style is quite engaging. I particularly enjoyed her Italian dialogue of one sister (the religious order originates in Italy). She very effectively presents discussions between the nuns, which sometime could become quite heated. Her descriptive imagery makes it easy to imagine the structure and environment of her sequence of convents.
Where I am doubtful is with respect to the interpersonal relationships of the other nuns. I believe M’s description of her interaction with the other nuns, but I have trouble believing that there is so much pettiness in convent life. I saw nothing like this in the Franciscans, in either student or faculty. In the confessional, I once complained about a student I did not understand. The dean of discipline, Fr. Claude, said “you don’t have to like him, you have to love him.” M frequently relates that the mother superior encouraged more Christian interchanges among her charges.
Which brings me to the heart of the story, the physical infirmity that M. suffered and how that impacted all her relationships with the community. She was quite capable of downplaying the pain in her professional interactions with the parishes as teacher for handicapped students. She also pursued her Master’s Degree and completed it very shortly after she left the Order. So, there was no question of her competence. The existence of her book proves that. However, the severity of her pain, and the extensive medical attention that she required was a source of irritation to some, if not all, the sisters. Some of her superiors never believed how infirmed she was, and others came slowly to an understanding of the level of her pain. In fact, as the reader, I probably had the same feeling as they had. She seems to dwell so constantly on her pain and disability throughout the book. Although it was difficult to read, I suppose it reinforced the understanding of the situation. It was not until near the end of the book that her medical team finally discovered what exactly was causing her pain. They tried many treatments which had marginal effect. Finally, they realized that the conditions were, in fact, incurable. Eventually, after she left the convent, she found a pain management clinic that was able to provide some relief from her intense pain.
Throughout all of this M had an intensive personal relationship with Christ. This was difficult for me, because in my life, I have seen how misguided people can be believing that they know what God wants for them. I give her credit that she never was quite sure what He wanted of her, but it has not affected her faith, and in her correspondence with me, it is obvious that she is still very devout.
The takeaway for me is the old trope “walk a mile in my shoes”. We humans, no matter how well intentioned, can seldom understand other people’s suffering unless we have been there.
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Top reviews from other countries
WendyStuart
An honest, reflective and interesting memoir
Reviewed in Australia 🇦🇺 on June 25, 2021Suzanne Dempster
Book was written by someone with Chronic Pain and the effect on her career in the religious sector
Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on August 3, 2022
