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About Bethany A Beeler
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Blog postA Fairy Tale for We Who Reach Our Limits I had a tough day. A day where, out of the blue, when everything is going perfect, all my transition seems fake. "Oh, no! I'm a bro again, destroying everything in my path because things aren't going my way, and the world owes me, and why is this even happening? 'cuz I've never been a bro!"
And there it is. I'm an imposter.
Oh, I didn't think that at the time, but I felt it even though my mind refused to give it words. So, it -
Blog postNo one's ever been like you, and no one ever will. Times are extraordinarily difficult for trans folks. It's impossible to avoid constant reminders that legislatures, demagogues, religious groups, schools, social media platforms, athletic organizations, and our own loved ones outlaw us as pariahs, villains, and poster children for what ails society. It's to the point that the dominant trans narrative seems one of persecution and revilement.
But that's an illusion … that you, my trans -
Blog postIf They Are, Theirs Is A Hopelessly Tiny World The case for transphobes obliterating the existence of trans persons is airtight. I can't gainsay their logic.
You may have heard the quip, "You're not paranoid if they're really out to get you." Any attempt to reassure the paranoiac that others aren't plotting against them reinforces their belief. "Of course someone against me would say that!"
A similar phenomenon operates in transphobia. Gender criticals (GCs -
Blog postA Greeting to and from the World I’m not a shrinking violet. I clap and squeal when I meet a kindred spirit. That’s because of my Mom, who carried me and pointed out things to greet.
“Look at the picture! See the picture of the boat? Say ‘Hi, boat!’
“Huwwo, boat!”
“See the bunny? Say hi to the bunny!”
“Huwwo, bunny!”
“See the toaster that makes yummy toast?”
“Huwwo, toastah!”
I grew up like Brick Tamlin in Anchorman, saying, “I love lamp -
Blog postFrom the Rockies to the Atlantic, A Presence You Can't Stare Down Okay, so the trip. Promised I'd write about it. Events, though, outstripped my capacities, such that the trip is turning into a book. This post isn't so much a TL;DR but a nugget of concentrated travelogue.
Betty the Red-Orange 1973 VW Camper is a miracle beast. Pam and I didn't know she could hit 80 mph, but she did. We kept her at 65-70, but she wasn't built for such speeds in two key ways:
Betty came from the era -
Blog postDriving Across America, Without Apology So, I made a spreadsheet of the gas and camping stops on our cross-country trip to Boston that I talked about in my last post. We’re driving Betty, a 1973 VW Camper whose fuel gauge doesn’t work. Betty has no on-board computer. She’s an air-cooled post-War-German feat of engineering, built for a time when we all drove 55 to stay alive. There are riding lawn mowers of recent vintage with more horsepower.
This is not to denigrate Betty, who's a be -
Blog postSomething's About to be Born As a trans woman who's awakened to her identity late in life, it's easy to think I've arrived. But my awakening isn't letting me settle for that. It's been five years, but I still walk gingerly in heels. Existential ankle-twists explode what I once took for granted.
I've lately awakened to some dismal truths about the United States. Deep down, I always felt something was off with my country, but I couldn't pin down my misgivings. I knew we ought to live u -
Blog postA Course in Being My True Self I reel at SCOTUS' overturning bodily autonomy and its effort in the near future to let state legislatures install autocrats of their choosing. I'm horrified at the January-6th Committee's revelation of the attempt to overthrow an election and the prospect that no one will be held accountable. I'm daily depressed at anti-trans bills and laws that force teachers to out trans students and that hunt down affirming parents of trans children.
"How's this -
Blog postAn Anniversary for Two People Who've Always Been One <—This girl? I've loved this woman since before I knew her. She loved me since before that time. We've loved each other from before we were born.
We're soulmates.
"Mate" comes from the Latin mater,
the root word for matter, mother, material,
that which matters. We're soulmates—our souls are of the same matter, the same material. We're cut of the same cloth.
One thing that will never be cut -
Blog postIt's A People Post, Peeps! After picking up a pepperoni and mushroom pie from our favorite Loveland pizza place (Arte Pizzeria, I highly recommend it), I was approaching my parking space and noticed a white SUV backing out of the slot by my car. The driver appeared to be a white male, perhaps late-30s. A woman seeming of the same age range was in the passenger seat. I waited while they pulled out, to give them room. After they were backed out, I was unlocking my car door, when the man yelled
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Blog postTribes Can Legislate; I Won’t Participate [Trigger Warning: Use of/reference to dead name.]
Until recently, every time I recalled an embarrassing memory, a blush warmed my face as I mentally chastened myself with “Oh, [dead name]!” Even after transitioning, I still dead-named myself in those moments—even for shameful deeds done after I transitioned.
Given the current spate of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation and propaganda, some want to enforce shame as our permanent existence.
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Blog postComing Home to Myself Again and Again [Trigger Warning and Caveat: This is my unique story. Although it may resonate with those who experience gender dysphoria, please know that not all trans persons choose surgery—and they don't need to in order to be trans.
You do you, boo.]
Before and after my Gender Affirmation Surgery, my entire self—not just my genitalia—had to transition.
You might think that I paused the night before my surgery. After all, my male genitals had -
Blog postStill Thrilled to be Trans. Thank you, Pam. Today is my Butterfly Day. Four years ago this night, I emerged from my chrysalis, empowered by my wife to be who I truly am. She and I had decided to separate. What Pam did with that moment is the bravest, most self-giving thing I've ever seen a human being do.
Be Who You Are
She had arrived at a resolution to the agony she and I had gone through for weeks after I told her I was trans. Yet, as she later told me, "In the moment -
Blog postI Know You Care. Now Stand With Me. "I know you care," is what I say to those who've msg'd me or posted their outrage at Gov. Greg Abbott's criminalizing parents who provide gender-affirming medical care to trans kids.
"We know you care," is what the people of Ukraine say to the rest of the world.
Why Me?
Messages and support given to Ukraine and Texas trans folk stem from a question we all ask when pinned to the wall by hate, fear, and thirst for -
Blog postI Do. And I Don't Have To. Today, a coworker asked me if I had a spare tampon.
A milestone for a trans woman, eh? Not really something I'd been aiming for (though I will hereafter keep tampons in my purse to help out a sister). An affirmation, nonetheless.
But not a confirmation.
Being Who I Am
It's been 4-½ years since I first realized I was trans, and, lately, I've been receiving all sorts of indications that I am recognizable to others and myself as -
Blog postThe Tipping Point on My Journey to Trans Awareness "Any child of narcissists, addicts, or rage junkies is an expert at de-escalation."
—Lauren Hough
I was talking to my friend, Steve, last night and made the sarcastic quip, "Oh, yeah, I'm a shrinking violet."
He'd complimented me that I command a room. I was pleasantly surprised. Living as the woman I am lets me be me. If I don't hold back, it's because I've no reason to stifle myself.
I wa -
Blog postWhat We Can Learn from the Trans Experience of Shame At nine years old, my nose was rubbed into a foundational experience of shame. I was in Music Class, and our teacher, Mr. Matzek, had a learn-by-listening period (which meant a study hall while he played music of his choice). I was drawing because I'd finished my homework. Terry Hair (yeah, that was really his name) said, "Beeler, betcha can't draw a naked lady!" This, of course, roused the interest of every boy within earshot, s
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Blog postAnd That's More Than Okay—It's the Human Story An archetype is what its syllables imply—a type, a category, that arcs over individual instances and fits them into a universally understandable narrative. So the trans story has risen to the fore in Western culture (after centuries of violent suppression) and takes its place among the various archetypes that reveal what it means to be human.
Fairy Tales Resonate
Ever wonder why Disney portrays fairy tales? It's a humongous studi -
Blog postWe Grossly Underestimate the Power of Cultural Domination The top-rated TV show in the early 1970s was All in the Family, which opened with the song, "Those Were the Days":
Boy, the way Glenn Miller played
Songs that made the hit parade
Guys like me we had it made
Those were the days
Didn't need no welfare state
Everybody pulled his weight
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
Those were the days
And you knew who you -
Blog postIt's Not the Fun It's Cracked Up to Be Dear Cister,
I know this is hard. It happened to me when I was in my 50s.
Yes, the news is full of stories about children already knowing they're not the gender they were assigned at birth. They have it so easy, pestering their parents to buy them off-gender clothes and toys, and keeping their state legislatures and local school boards from subverting Title IX.
But you? Your binary frame of reference has been exploded mid-course,
Titles By Bethany A Beeler
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