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Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse Hardcover – April 1, 2005
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From the Inside Flap
From the Foreword by William Pollack, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestselling Real Boys
By the age of sixteen, up to one in six boys has unwanted direct sexual contact with an older person. This is rarely talked about, and when it is, shame and embarrassment often stop us from speaking up openly and frankly. Now, this major new book by Dr. Richard Gartner, a pioneering therapist in the field, explores in depth the once-taboo subject of male sexual victimization.
Providing empowering action steps and written specifically for survivors of male sexual abuse as well as their spouses, partners, and loved ones, Beyond Betrayal is based on Richard Gartner's decades of experience as a psychologist, psychoanalyst, and advocate for sexually abused men. Covering both male and female abuse of boys and young men, Dr. Gartner explores the different types of abuse, from sexual abuse with and without touch to covert abuse to trauma, revealing the profound impact of sexual betrayal by such caretakers as clergy, family, teachers, babysitters, and health professionals. Gartner explains how as a child one trusts out of necessityand how the betrayal of that trust ravages one's self-concept as a man while also wreaking havoc on one's relationships.
In this powerful book, Dr. Gartner allows his patients to speak for themselves. The men's heartrending stories convey the full range of long-term devastations of boyhood sexual abuse: the despair, the secrecy, and the isolation; the worry about manhood and sexual orientation; and the difficulties of developing intimate relationships. In sharing their stories, these courageous men demonstrate what bravely deciding to face your inner demons can bring you: trust, resolution, and connection.
In reading this book, you'll discover how to safely experience emotions again and relate to others with confidence and security. Dr. Gartner also helps you shed the long-held conviction that you can either be a man or a victim but not both, and he teaches you how to determine who you really are and develop new, more flexible concepts of masculinity. Beyond Betrayal shows you that you can take charge of your recovery while living your life to its fullest potential.
From the Back Cover
Mike Lew, M.Ed., author of Victims No Longer and Leaping upon the Mountains
"If you have been sexually abused, this book will give you information, hope, direction, and most importantly, the assurance that you are not alone. Dr. Gartner has written an accessible, compassionate book that clearly lays out the healing process for men who were hurt or abused as children. Whether you were abused by a mother, a camp counselor, a neighborhood boy, or a priest, Beyond Betrayal will give you the tools you need to reclaim your life and move on. If you're going to take one book with you on the healing journey, this should be the one."
Laura Davis, coauthor of The Courage to Heal and author of The Courage to Heal Workbook
"Compassionate, insightful, and hopeful, Beyond Betrayal shines a bright light. It is a must-read for anyone concerned."
Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., author of Silently Seduced
"Beyond Betrayal cuts through the shame, confusion, misunderstanding, and fear that so often accompany the abuse of males and replaces them with clear information. I will begin to use it immediately with my patients and think that other clinicians will do so as well."
Christine A. Courtois, Ph.D., author of Healing the Incest Wound and Recollections of Sexual Abuse
"Beyond Betrayal offers men straightforward words of hope and a meaningful way to overcome the invisibility, stigma, and shame they have endured. Many men and their families will find this book a healing aid."
Jack Drescher, M.D., author of Psychoanalytic Therapy and the Gay Man
"Dr. Gartner writes in a manner any reader will find accessible. Not only does he understand the topic of males, sexual abuse, and recovery, but he can explain it to those who need to know."
Dr. Mic Hunter, author of Abused Boys and editor of Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: Treatment Innovations
Top Customer Reviews
The author offers case studies that apply this information over a broad spectrum so that most men are offered information for recovery, regardless of specifics such as the gender of the abuser, the dynamics of the situation, and the sexual orientation of the person who experienced abuse. This author expresses no apparent assumptions about abuse influencing sexual orientation. The material is inclusive and comprehensive. He clarifies that many abused men feel uncertain about sexual orientation, and that "abused homosexual and bisexual men have a lot of the same questions about masculinity as abused heterosexual men." He also offers clarification about gender identity apart from sexual orientation.
The author offers unique information about unconscious, self-defeating ways of defining and dealing with masculinity in the wake of abuse, and alternate guidance to provide a healthy contrast to these patterns. **A secondary observation is that some of these counterproductive means of interpreting masculinity after abuse might resemble the bad advice and confusing misguidance of well-intentioned but misinformed friends, or others who attempt to offer advice or reinterpretation of post-abuse reality.** Bravo.
The information on boundaries is comprehensive. The author walks the reader through the effects of abuse on the ways boundaries are formed, not formed, or compromised, and talks about reactions to boundary violations. This developmental approach can assist the reader in seeing how this affects life and relationships at present.Read more ›
I did some research online and was disappointed when I only found a few books on the topic of male sexual abuse. I bought a few books and DVD's. This book IS THE BEST BOOK ON THE TOPIC BY FAR! After reading the stories of other men and what they experienced, my husband finally agreed to go to a support group. Because the topic was a painful, hard topic to deal with, my husband and I read the book separately. Reading the sections on how men may react even after the abuse is long over or the feelings/emotions/confusing thoughts they may have due to the abuse helped BOTH OF US understand my husband's behavior better.
This is a MUST READ for any male who has suffered sexual abuse. This book has also helped us as a couple. I better understand what my husband went through and why he is the way he is.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book has been great- like a real "sleeper" What it does is it has been triggering many insights and realizations of why I have been the way I am, something no other... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
The book was what I expected. Very disappointed with the shipping information provided, though.Published 6 months ago by Melissa Lawler
This author is the best I have ever read on this subject which is much needed in the therapeutic communityPublished 7 months ago by Darlene H. Terry
I think the majority of the book was very helpful in suggesting the reasons behind much of my life and for absolving me. Read morePublished 9 months ago by Bre
Well written, unfortunate subjects. There were some "A-Ha" moments that resonated with me. Would recommend to anyone who has been through that hell.....Published 17 months ago by Gary Fernandez
Book is directed towards boys who have been molested. I was looking more for a gender neutral book about sexual molestation.Published 18 months ago by Kathryn Baird
The book never loses focus on its purpose. As I read it I felt like it was written for me, about my experience and questions. The exercises are perfect. Read morePublished 19 months ago by Ron Gage
This excellent book helped me understand why my husband fell apart in midlife, and provided him with his first glimmers of insight into why he was falling apart more than 40 years... Read morePublished 19 months ago by Lou