Alok Vaid-Menon’s book is a TREMENDOUS resource for those who those who consider themselves LGBTQ+ allies or the unsympathetic but curious. Vaid-Menon spends the first half of their 64 small-sized pages describing their experience of growing up, from early youth through adulthood, of gender expansiveness. The second half of the book very concisely speaks to objections made about the validity of trans and non-binary experiences of gender in way that is well-marked and user-friendly.
First half of book. In Vaid-Menon’s early youth among indigenous, extended family, they were free to express themselves without gender policing. Vaid-Menon gives a rich description of their non-binary gender expansiveness, enjoying their initial years in an indigenous, extended family context that validated a full and unrestricted range of gender expression, only to move across the country to a context in which they were expected to fit into either/or boxes or run into immediate conflict with the status quo. After a big move and a new school, they experienced the business end of society’s gender power-dynamics that invalidated and expected them to repress their authentic inclination for self-expression and honest pursuit of self-actualization.
Second half of book. Void-Menon introduces this section by summarizing that “arguments against gender non-conforming people are about maintaining power and control. Most can be grouped into four categories: dismissal, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope” (p. 36). This section very simply and wonderfully helps the reader grasp how those who insist that a gender binary is, and always has been, normative can do so only at the cost, wittingly or unwittingly, of erasing the more fluid experiences of gender across cultures and the history of Western Civilization. Thus, binary enthusiasts imagine that the widespread discussion of terms and pronouns that more accurately reflect the experiences of gender non-conforming people are some sort of intrusive attack on the legitimately normative binary. Rather than cis-gender men and women acknowledging that the representation of people in media and the customization of public spaces excludes and invalidates trans gender and non-binary people, we cis-gender people have often insisted that the discomfort we feel when gender expansive people put words to their experience and have the audacity to insist upon the inclusion of genuine acceptance is basically parallel to the experience of exclusion and oppression gender non-conforming people when cis-gender people tell them their experience of gender is a lie and they deserve whatever aggression if that those with power recognize the validity of their gender experience. Void-Menon engages arguments that insist a binary is common sense, that plural pronouns are incorrect, that gender non-conformity is just some new fad, that gender non-conformity is a disorder, that it’s a cry for attention, that not talking about it would somehow make the inequality go away, that gender expansiveness would be just too complicated if not binary, that gender non-conforming people are the ones “shoving it” in everyone else’s face, that one’s internal recognition of gender erases (cisgender) women, that science is on the side of a gender binary, that you are only trans if you pursue medical transition, that recognizing the self-determination of gender will lead to a breakdown in the concept of truth, or that cis-gender women have more at stake in terms of harm than transgender women in terms of legislation that could offer protection. Void-Menon graciously deconstructs the circular reasoning in these and other objections from gender binary enthusiasts. This book is worth its price many times over just for either half.
Personal reflection. I, the reviewer, started my journey towards understanding trans and non-binary experiences of gender, as an ally, thinking I would learn how to better support, protect, and advocate by exploring and making a permanent place for new boxes for gender in my mind. Within the first four pages of Vaid-Menon’s book, I realized that the neatly-separated box approach to gender experience is precisely the status quo socialization I grew up on that oppresses and stifles people who are gender non-conforming. In fact, although “male” still feels like the best fit for my personal experience of the world, the various ways I have suppressed any self-expressions through the years that could be considered feminine gender expressions for the sake of binary gender conformity has been greatly increased. Who knew that, in my desire to be a good ally and stand up for the vulnerable, better understanding the experiences of a non-binary person would in turn become my salvation with regard to liberation from the boxes I had learned to put myself in? Buy 11 of these books. You'll want to give 10 away!
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About the author
Affirming
As a non binary person this book was a breath of fresh air to read. I devoured the entire book in one sitting and plan to re-read as needed.It is refreshing to hear someone speak openly about gender and the ways in which society imposes those expectations upon people as well as the reality of many - where leaving our house is stepping into the danger zone of open season on us.We are humans and we are still fighting to exist and survive in a world that often fails to recognize us as humans.
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As a non binary person this book was a breath of fresh air to read. I devoured the entire book in one sitting and plan to re-read as needed.
It is refreshing to hear someone speak openly about gender and the ways in which society imposes those expectations upon people as well as the reality of many - where leaving our house is stepping into the danger zone of open season on us.
We are humans and we are still fighting to exist and survive in a world that often fails to recognize us as humans.
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Top reviews from other countries
- EmmaReviewed in the United Kingdom on August 10, 2024
An eloquent introduction to a critique of gender
