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The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age Hardcover – August 13, 2013

4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 149 ratings

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Wall Street Journal Best Nonfiction Pick; Publisher's Weekly Best Book of the Year

Clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair takes an in-depth look at how the Internet and the digital revolution are profoundly changing childhood and family dynamics, and offers solutions parents can use to successfully shepherd their children through the technological wilderness.

As the focus of the family has turned to the glow of the screen—children constantly texting their friends or going online to do homework; parents working online around the clock—everyday life is undergoing a massive transformation. Easy access to the Internet and social media has erased the boundaries that protect children from damaging exposure to excessive marketing and the unsavory aspects of adult culture. Parents often feel they are losing a meaningful connection with their children. Children are feeling lonely and alienated. The digital world is here to stay, but what are families losing with technology's gain?

As renowned clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair explains, families are in crisis as they face this issue, and even more so than they realize. Not only do chronic tech distractions have deep and lasting effects but children also desperately need parents to provide what tech cannot: close, significant interactions with the adults in their lives. Drawing on real-life stories from her clinical work with children and parents and her consulting work with educators and experts across the country, Steiner-Adair offers insights and advice that can help parents achieve greater understanding, authority, and confidence as they engage with the tech revolution unfolding in their living rooms.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Parents face the paradox of the faster, broader communication and access to information that technology brings leading to disconnection in the family as its members communicate less often face-to-face. Clinical psychologist and family therapist Steiner-Adair explores the changes in the dynamics of family life when there are fewer conversations around the dinner table, fewer play dates with children actually physically playing together, and fewer pretend games. Drawing on therapy sessions and interviews with parents, children, and educators, Steiner-Adair reports some children feeling neglected by parents enthralled by their cell phones or computers and parents feeling left out of their children’s lives as they engage electronically with friends, games, and other distractions. Beyond any fears of the neurological threats of technology, Steiner-Adair points to the emotional costs of being worn down by constant communication and hasty responses and from being ignored by others as they communicate via electronic devices. She offers advice on how to develop a “sustainable family” that recognizes how pervasive technology is but focuses on the need to develop emotional connections between parents and children. --Vanessa Bush

Review

“This riveting piece of journalism . . . chronicles how new technology has disrupted family life. Parents pacify infants with iPhones, toddlers play violent games and pre-teens are sexting. The book offers no easy answers but gently encourages all of us who lack the discipline to unplug.” — Wall Street Journal, Best Nonfiction of 2013

“Ms. Steiner-Adair’s book can be eloquent about the need to ration our children’s computer time. . . . Her summary of what to say to your kids - it’s on Page 191- is so good, so State of the Unionlike, that I took a photo of it with my iPhone.” — Dwight Garner, New York Times

“Psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair says tech-and self-absorption disappoints and disregards our children.” — USA Today

“An important guide to an occasionally overlooked aspect of modern parenting.” — Kirkus Reviews

“Do your kids a favor and read this important book.” — Christian Science Monitor

“A riveting, hugely important book that every parent will want to read. . . . A great book, rooted in massive research, told in vivid, charming, unforgettable narrative, conveying a message of the utmost relevance today.” — Edward M. Hallowell, MD, author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness

“This is a must read for parents and educators. Parents will embrace Steiner-Adair’s step-by-step solutions, focused on building deeper and more meaningful family relationships; teachers will better understand the need to manage the double-edged sword of technology as a tool for learning.” — Nanci Z. Kauffman, Head of School, Castilleja School, Palo Alto, CA

“Catherine Steiner Adair with great wisdom, and compassion for our confusion, helps lead us out of this technological thicket. . . . A mandatory read for our own sake as well as the sake of our children.” — Madeline Levine, PhD, author of Teach Your Children Well and The Price of Privilege

“I absolutely love this book. Dr. Steiner-Adair offers wonderful suggestions for dealing with issues the new tech world has brought upon us--all based on the reassuring premise that the family shapes a child’s brain, mind, body and soul in unique human ways that technology can’t replace.” — Susan Ginsberg EdD, author of Family Wisdom: The 2000 Most Important Things Ever Said about Parenting, Children and Family Life

“Finally, a book that comprehensively answers the question parents everywhere have been struggling with: How to raise happy, creative, caring kids in the age of screens? The Big Disconnect is not just a smart book, it’s a very, very wise one.” — William Powers, author of Hamlet's Blackberry

“In a book that should be required reading for all parents, Steiner-Adair examines the extraordinarily negative impact of the digital revolution on parents and children. . . . [A] highly readable study.’” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair has her finger on the pulse of the social and emotional challenges kids face in today’s 24/7 media culture. Take her insight to heart. As parents, we can help our kids walk the thin line between the perils and possibilities of digital life.” — James P. Steyer, CEO and Founder, Common Sense Media

The Big Disconnect offers terrific parenting advice that transcends technology, tackling issues like self-identity, navigating friendships and sex. Its message is not exclusive to kids, but aimed at every family member: stay connected to people and nature as often as possible.” — Associated Press

“Those who haven’t spent much time ‘IRL’ with their kids lately will recognize their own households in the pages of The Big Disconnect. . . . [Catherine Steiner-Adair] wants us to reclaim the immemorial rhythms of the hearth and shield our children from the...digital age.” — Wall Street Journal

“In her insightful and compelling new book, Catherine Steiner-Adair reveals how technology and the Internet are fragmenting American families, leaving parents confused and children lonely. Put down your smartphone and read this book!” — Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author of Raising Cain and author of Homesick and Happy

“This is an unsettling but necessary book, confirming what parents probably already know but do their best not to think about. . . . Steiner-Adair provides helpful suggestions for parents seeking to limit tech time and re-engage with their children.” — New York Times Book Review

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper (August 13, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 384 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062082426
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062082428
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.22 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.21 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 149 ratings

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Catherine Steiner-Adair
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Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist, school consultant, and author. She maintains a private practice in Massachusetts, is a clinical instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and an associate psychologist at McLean Hospital, and speaks to numerous audiences, including educators, health professionals, PTAs, religious groups, and nonprofit organizations.


Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
149 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book readable and valuable for parents. It provides insightful information about technology's impact on children. The author is described as direct and to the point, providing useful guidance.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

46 customers mention "Readability"46 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and valuable for parents. They say it's an eye-opening look at what teens are exposed to with technology. The author is direct and to the point, providing great food for thought about monitoring your own technology use. It's a well-researched and engaging read about children and technology.

"...The author provides wisdom, professional expertise, personal insight and stories that carry this book from start to finish...." Read more

"...Case examples make great reading but they are, as stated, single cases and may not apply to all or even most children (or teens)...." Read more

"This is an outstanding book. Dr Steiner-Adair knows her stuff, and presents it in a clear, understandable way with meaningful examples...." Read more

"...The book focuses on children and families, it is well researched and the findings are nicely documented...." Read more

16 customers mention "Information quality"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides good information on kids and screens. It covers important issues like language development and connection for babies. The author provides wisdom, professional expertise, personal insights, and solid counsel to equip parents. They appreciate the well-researched and documented findings. Overall, it serves as a good primer and introduction to the information on kids and screens, providing a good overview of where technology has taken us.

"...strong, trusting family connections and nurturing invaluable conversation skills in our kids. And to me, that's advice that's never obsolete. [..." Read more

"...It does an excellent job of touching all the important issues, like language and connection for babies and sexting and bullying in teens...." Read more

"...time on each stage of child development, all the while offering compassionate advice...." Read more

"...on children and families, it is well researched and the findings are nicely documented. Parents in modern families will definitely find it useful...." Read more

3 customers mention "Author quality"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's quality. They say the author does a wonderful job describing what children are exposed to via social media and is direct, to the point, and spot on regarding the need for this book.

"The author does a wonderful job at describing what children are exposed to via social media and the book is full of examples of tweens and teens..." Read more

"This is one of the most important books of our time. The author is direct, to the point and spot on regarding the need for families to unplug from..." Read more

"...The author is candid, but sensible and gives solid counsel that will equip parents and teachers with tools that work." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on September 24, 2015
    An important read for any parent, whether you have a newborn, teenager or a child somewhere in-between. As a writer who researches issues related to communication and technology in families and looks for practical ways to enhance our relationships during the digital age, I greatly appreciated Steiner-Adair's comprehensive look at the impact of technology on families. But what I especially liked is that she didn't offer unrealistic advice. Technology is here to stay. Kids are accessing electronic devices from the time they are babies. The author provides wisdom, professional expertise, personal insight and stories that carry this book from start to finish. And just when you unrealistically think "Oh my god, I'm never letting my kid have a mobile phone," she steers readers toward best practices to mentor and parent digital kids in a healthy way. Much of her advice is centered in developing strong, trusting family connections and nurturing invaluable conversation skills in our kids. And to me, that's advice that's never obsolete. Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World
    9 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2016
    The Big Disconnect provides a good primer and introduction to the information on kids and screens. It is chock-full of case examples, which makes the reading easy. The book is laid out by developmental period from babies to teens and everything in between. This makes it easy for parents to focus on the developmental age they are currently concerned about. It does an excellent job of touching all the important issues, like language and connection for babies and sexting and bullying in teens. I did find the tone of some of the anecdotes to be alarmist at times and I would have appreciated a heavier emphasis on the research and less case examples. Case examples make great reading but they are, as stated, single cases and may not apply to all or even most children (or teens). However, I felt Steiner-Adair truly saved the best for last as her concluding chapter on “The Sustainable Family” was excellent. It was balanced and provided real actionable steps for parents. As it should be, “The Sustainable Family,” described by Steiner-Adair had only a little to do with technology and a lot to do with family traits that allow them to weather any storm, including tech.
    Written by Screen-Free Mom, Ph.D.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2019
    This is an outstanding book. Dr Steiner-Adair knows her stuff, and presents it in a clear, understandable way with meaningful examples. She traces the harmful impact of screen time on each stage of child development, all the while offering compassionate advice. She is by no means a zealot, giving credit to technology where it is due, but rather presents the information in an objective and balanced manner. I do not believe the importance of her observations and advice can be overstated. Digital media are harming not just our children, but collectively our society. Thank you Dr. Steiner-Adair for this timely and compelling contribution.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2013
    I bought this book after hearing a radio interview with the author. I was looking for research related to the effects of technology (especially about the use of cell phones) on adults. Only tangentially was that specific topic addressed.

    The book focuses on children and families, it is well researched and the findings are nicely documented. Parents in modern families will definitely find it useful. However, it is somewhat repetitive, and the recommendations it gives are somewhat vague. Do not expect it to solve your family's technology issues, but expect it to broaden your perspectives.

    The chapter organization allows the reader to pick-and-choose. If you are rearing a toddler, there is a chapter just for you; likewise, if your child is a teenager, you'll find a chapter dedicated to that stage, as well. The same is true for any age bracket, infant through teenage, but it ends there, and no chapter addresses adulthood.

    So, if you are a parent, this book will be helpful, I think. Much of it is common sense, I hope, but then, maybe that sense is not as common as I would like to believe.
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2014
    This is a must read book for anyone concerned about how technology is changing our lives and behaviours.

    Catherine gives a great insight into how technology impact our kids and us and if we don't recognise it and do something about it soon it will have long lasting negative effects on all of us.

    Some of the cases of technology overuse are so shocking and staggering and it not just about the kids it about the adults usage as well. Catherine offers some tips and strategies for balancing our technology and non technology usage.

    I recommend the book to all.

    Ron
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2013
    I loved this book! It is insightful, compassionate, and at times even funny with a wealth of information to help us navigate keeping our kids safe and healthy in our ever-changing technological world. Chapter by chapter the author addresses different stages of child development and the technological challenges that they are often confronted with. Her extensive research and wide range of case studies make for an interesting and intelligent read. Texting, sexting, online bullying, addiction, the world of social media, and the easy access to porn or other inappropriate materials on the web are all addressed with constructive strategies to help adults guide the young people in their lives through this overwhelming and often scary social (and asocial!) world of technology.
    33 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Fair Maiden
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent gift
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 20, 2021
    Bought this as a gift for a family member who is expecting their first child. He was delighted with it and really keen to read it.
  • George Smith
    4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 3, 2016
  • Mireille segato van Berkel
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very relevant fore the way life is taking off all over the world
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 1, 2014
    I like the book very much because Catherine takes episodes from her practic work in the field.
    I think her book is very relevant fore the way life is taking off all over the world. She see is in the US, and I see it in my work with childrend and familys - I see the same Big Disconnect happing here in Denmark, Europe.
  • Bookworm
    5.0 out of 5 stars The big disconnect
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 3, 2014
    I bought this for a Xmas present for my son - it was on his wish list. he was pleased with it. I hope he has time to read it. I didn't.