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on June 25, 2015
If you are a woman (sorry Barbie it is not you) you have told yourself one of these lies at a certain moment in your life and by doing so you have self-sabotaged yourself successfully. Congratulations, you feel miserable. No prize, lady.

Written by a women coach, Big Lies... offers a concise examination of fifty-nine self-lies, limiting beliefs and distorted views of your female self, which deal with your worth, your body, self-care, success, money, love, relationships, authenticity, and your spirit. The message is see them as lies, because they are in their most part, and do not use to justify your situation, your misery or your empty life.

Examples of big fat lies are: I am old, I cannot do x, I have to please everybody to be liked, money is bad, it is OK to live beyond your means, I have to fake who I am to get a man, love is sacrificing yourself, better be polite than authentic, grieving for quite a while is wrong, and so on.

Many of these beliefs could be shared by many men, as well, and some of them are very obvious. Others are not that obvious, and are they are the ones that I like the most, because they are not socially popular or accepted and separate hay from grain. Even the obvious ones are important to be reminded of because women spend tons of money on "improving" themselves, meaning increasing the size of their boobs, cutting and modifying pieces of their body instead of focussing on inner and intellectual growth.

I found some of the items in the section on spirituality redundant, as not every single woman is religious or spiritual, or even believes in God and that does not turn them into a faulty unhappy person. There are many examples of the contrary. Ethics are always sounder to me, they work with every religion and produce better human beings. I have found too many people reading the bible daily and preaching high morals to me, and, at the same time, behaving totally unethically towards me.

The book is easy to read, and a quick read as well, as every single big fat lie has a mini chapter devoted to it and can be read while commuting for example.

This is a sound book, but this is not a Psychology essay and the author is not a psychologist. An entertaining heart-warming good-hearted read overall.
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on September 30, 2011
You are worth it.

I am a skeptic. I always look at new self-help books out of the corner of one eye--so when I say that Amy Ahlers gave me my own truth, you know it's coming from a totally sincere place. I didn't even KNOW I was lying to myself. This book is so simple, really--it just lays out the crap we say to ourselves, mostly without even thinking, and gives us a way to not only reframe it, but take action. This is not your run of the mill "you are doing everything wrong and I'm just the expert to fix you" book. NO WAY. This is about joining a movement of truth-telling superstars who will not take any more self-torture. Period. I learned something from Amy that I cannot un-learn: how to hear through my bull crap and tell the truth. This is going to be my go-to gift for friends and clients this year.
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on August 17, 2012
I went through a devastating break-up a few months ago. I purchased this book along with many others to help me through this difficult time. I've been told this is called "Bibliotherapy" In any case, I thought that I had it all together and the break-up highlighted the fact, there is much to learn, change and to work on when it comes to "me" and my way of thinking about "me". If I'd "really" had it all together, I wouldn't have wound-up in this particular relationship to start with. In fairness to the book and to the author, it's filled with very useful information, very basic things that we all know (or should know) in our hearts, but we tend to forget. Full disclosure: I had also attended a series of self-esteem classes locally prior to reading this book, so much of it was repetitive from my class. Having said all of that, it was very easy to read, fun at times, and I would recommend this book to all women who need to work on their self-esteem and as a good refresher for those who need it.
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on September 13, 2014
I'm not so big on Affirmations these days but otherwise, I likely would have given this book the full 5 stars. It's a thoughtful, concise list of the ways women (and men) can delude themselves with negative thinking. I think she's right on target with the "lies" and her intro paragraphs to each lie were really, REALLY well articulated. I'd recommend the book to friends just based on those insights.

I get her "action-oriented" approach - it just wasn't how I was using it during my current read and so it felt extraneous for me.

It does seems like it would be an excellent workshop or ongoing therapeutic approach for a women's focus group.
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on October 20, 2011
In this insightful and well-crafted book, Amy Ahlers gets straight to the heart of the matter of each of these lies women tell themselves. But more than that, she goes on to offer clear, simple and practical advice and suggestions for helping shut off the endlessly dripping faucet of self-criticism that plagues so many of us, no matter how smart, creative, successful, happy or fulfilled we know ourselves to be. Because it doesn't matter. It is a sad truth that modern women suffer from phenomenal amounts of self-loathing and self-criticism in every area of our lives. And this is how this book is organized: by life area. Whole self, body, career, and so forth.

I am not much of a self-help reader. In fact, I am a huge skeptic of most of this sort of thing. (Nor, by the way, am I a friend. I don't know the author personally.) But then, Amy Ahlers is not your average self-help writer. To be honest, no one is more surprised than I am at my own response here. The prose is clear and concise, the suggestions and advice filled with compassion and delivered with a refreshing directness, and the stories are real-world.

In my experience, each of these lies and the way Amy Ahlers presents them provides, if one chooses, an invitation to a much deeper soul-searching meditation. And the simplicity is part of the greatness here. All really good spiritual teachers, coaches and therapists know the value of not bogging someone down in quicksand. They know the value of repetition. And of mirroring one's own wisdom. The author does all that and more, in a way that feels both simple ("Oh, of course, right! That makes sense!") yet is nonetheless deep. We resonate the most with those who strike us as having garnered that wisdom because they have traveled the path.

Or in this case, lived the lies. And clearly, Amy has.

Finally, this is clearly a woman who loves you, and loves me, and wants us to be our best selves and ... really, really, really wants us to stop being so damned hard on ourselves.
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on December 13, 2013
After reading the reviews of this book, I was so excited that I bought a copy for myself and my best friend. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get into the format of the book. I should have used the available feature of reviewing the first few pages of the book before purchasing. I am not rating the content of Amy Ahlers' book, I just found it easier to follow a format that led me to slowly become conscious of what I was saying to myself versus addressing each 'big fat lie' separately. To each their own.
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on September 30, 2012
Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves is filled with all those awful things you might hear in your subconscious, but are too afraid to tell anyone because they might just agree with you. The best part though is all the suggestions the author offers plus coping strategies. Each chapter ends with an affirmation, and each chapter contains tips and strategies for counteracting the negative thinking. I think this is one of those books that might actually be more beneficial in a book club or even a self esteem group where participants help each other actually work through the activities. Changing how you think about yourself and how you "talk" to yourself is difficult, and it's almost impossible to monitor how you're doing with just a journal---not that the author suggests you do that. She actually frequently recommends enlisting the help of friends. Boosting your self image and improving your self-talk is a big project, but she offers some terrific suggestions to help you get on your way and start feeling better.
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on October 13, 2011
I love this book! I say "love" as opposed to "loved" because it is a book you keep going back to again and again. I feel like this book nails it.... for any woman who has those moments of never feeling quite good enough. Many of the exercises really hit home for me. Amy asks great questions of the reader and I love her voice throughout the book. It's like you are talking to a good friend. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to quiet down the crazy in her head!
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on September 29, 2011
Amy Ahlers Big Fat Lies rocks it out! Way beyond a traditional 'self help' book because it goes right to the core of our work as women - how we treat ourselves on a day to day basis. After reading the book, we can begin to think differently about who we are - and ask ourselves the question - am I telling myself the truth? Is this a lie? Ahler's exploration of the how we lie to ourselves is revolutionary, powerful and is a must for all women --- and would be great for young women as well. Read this book. Read it to your girlfriends. Have a big fat lies dinner party and take turns reading it out loud. BUT whatever you do - buy this book.
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on April 6, 2016
It like the way the author relates they own experience with our Inner talks. I find it very impressive to see that many people experience the same situations, and that we are not alone.

I am not giving her 5 stars because I think there could be more examples of how to overcome those feelings.
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