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The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it―and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (Updated Edition) Paperback – December 5, 2017
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“A colossal, common, and vexing problem, which causes many other devilishly inescapable problems, is not saying ‘no’ before ‘yes’ leaps out of your mouth. In this priceless, practical, pithy volume, Dr. Susan Newman uses her wisdom, wiles, and wit to teach you―kind, nice, good, and giving person that you are―how to bow out gracefully, how to decline an offer without giving offense, and how to teach others to do the same thing. This book is a game-changer and a life saver!”―Edward Hallowell, MD, author of Driven to Distraction and other books
“If you want to be a good friend, team player, and nice person, but always seem to put yourself―and the things you want―last, THE BOOK OF NO is for you. It helps break down the stigma and guilt associated with saying no, and provides hundreds of tips for exactly how to say it in specific circumstances and relationships. You’ll learn the psychology behind why you get sucked into saying yes too often and what to do to stop.”―Alice Boyes, PhD, author of The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points
“Overwhelmed? Overextended? Stressed? THE BOOK OF NO is a must-read for the pushover tendency in all of us who agree to most things asked of us. Leading relationship psychologist Susan Newman explains why you say yes too often and how to say no graciously without feeling guilty or offending. Think of it as your life preserver and go-to guide for navigating relationships with your friends, family, spouse, boss, coworkers, parents, kids…even strangers. You’ll want to say yes to THE BOOK OF NO and keep it close by.”―Michele Borba, EdD, educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World
“Does it have to be a fact of life that, as parents, it’s next to impossible to say no to our children? Susan Newman guides parents out of their giving-in habit with toddlers, teens, even adult children with smart advice in situations you will recognize and relate to. If you’re a ‘yes’ parent, you need THE BOOK OF NO to help you stand firm through your parenting journey. It’s healthy for you and your kids!”―Amy McCready, author of The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World
“The Book of No gives people the courage to stand up for themselves. Reading it is both helpful and a delight; you find yourself sighing with gratitude, feeling freer because you have the exact words to say ‘no,’ and thinking of who else in your life needs this book.”―Jody J. Foster, MD, MBA and Michelle T. Joy, MD, coauthors of The Schmuck in My Office: How to Deal Effectively with Difficult People at Work
“Sometimes you have to say no so you have time to say yes to what really matters―the things that are important to you, preserve your health, and add to your happiness. That’s the powerful takeaway message from this realistic guide to kicking the ‘yes’ habit and embracing the power of no.”―Ann Douglas, author of Parenting Through the Storm
“All too often we find ourselves overworked and overstressed because we take on too much at work or at home. In short, we have trouble saying no! Dr. Susan Newman’s book is an essential guide for those of us who are too agreeable, nice, or helpful, and really don’t know how to set critical limits.”―Ronald E. Riggio, PhD, professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology, Claremont McKenna College
“In a world infected by instant gratification and murky boundaries, saying no―and sticking to it―is quickly becoming a lost art. The good news is that Susan Newman is here to help. Using detailed examples, humor, and actionable steps, Newman helps us explore our own obstacles to setting and maintaining healthy boundaries and empowers us to put an end to personal overload. In saying ‘yes’ to ‘no,’ we just might make a dent in putting an end to our current culture of busy.”―Katie Hurley, LCSW, author of No More Mean Girls and The Happy Kid Handbook
“For many of us, it's very difficult to say no. We’re asked to take on extra assignments at work and help colleagues and clients with projects that might be outside our official job description. We’re asked for favors by our friends, by our families, and sometimes even by our LinkedIn connections. And yes, it’s nice to help, but we can end up overburdened. In THE BOOK OF NO, Susan Newman offers great strategies and tips for learning to say no. This book is going to be my new go-to volume for putting a bit more ‘no’ in my life―and in the life of my clients, colleagues, and friends.”―Andy Molinsky, PhD, professor of Organizational Behavior and International Management, Brandeis University, and author of Reach and Global Dexterity
“In this updated edition of THE BOOK OF NO, social psychologist Susan Newman offers research and immensely practical tools to help us set boundaries and stop people-pleasing. The book is fun, easy to read, and provides scenarios like requests to look after a relative’s children, drive your teen to the mall, or give up your weekend plans to do last-minute work. Along with each scenario are specific dialogues that demonstrate exactly what to say. The ‘no’ responses are right on target―assertive and clear, yet respectful. So many of us struggle to skillfully set boundaries without hurting our relationships. This book is just what we need!”―Melanie Greenberg, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Stress-Proof Brain
“A wise and practical guide to living a life that fits your personal values, Susan Newman’s newest book is a treasure trove of realistic scenarios and thoughtful responses to help you let go of commitments that leave you feeling resentful and depleted. Whether it’s a whining child or a demanding acquaintance, a guilt-tripping relative or an unreasonable work colleague, THE BOOK OF NO offers doable strategies for setting healthy boundaries so you can say ‘Yes!’ to the things that truly matter to you.”―Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, NJ psychologist, and coauthor of Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends
About the Author
Susan Newman, PhD is a social psychologist and author. Her research and writing focus on parenting and family relationship issues. She is the author of more than a dozen books and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and US News & World Report. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, USA Today, The Washington Post as well as in numerous other newspapers and national magazines. She appears on major news outlets, among them, CNN, NPR, Good Morning America, The Today Show, and CBS Sunday Morning to discuss breaking news, social trends and parenting concerns.
Dr. Newman is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Authors Guild, and the American Society of Journalists and Authors. She is a Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for abused and neglected children.
She lives in the New York Metro area and is the mother of one son and four stepchildren. Visit her website at www.susannewmanphd.com.
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However, saying no is an important skill. It can help individuals protect their time, balance relationships, safeguard their health, create positive change, stay on course, and feel more purposeful. In The Book of NO, author Susan Newman helps people learn to say NO, illustrating this by way of short sample scenarios—addressing many authentic, sticky situations that arise with friends, family, work colleagues, forceful people, and more. She reveals what’s really going on, how to respond, and how to stay alert. Newman writes, “Before you can fully embrace no, you have to understand why no is important.” She does an excellent job conveying that, and helping readers operationalize it.
– Joanne Foster, Ed.D.
Author of Not Now, Maybe Later: Helping Children Overcome Procrastination, and Bust Your BUTS: Tips for Teens Who Procrastinate